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20 October 2013

YIKES! You are under a Zombie attack.. [More:]Without thinking, grab the first thing on your left to defend yourself. Now, what did you kill the Zombies with?

For me, it was a small, friendly cat. I hope the Zombies have horrible feline allergies.
Table lamp... only minimally effective if the fluorescent bulb breaks and glass shards and/or electric sparks have any effect.

But if allowed 2-3 seconds to think, behind the lamp (and a couple other generally ineffective items) are two Coca-Cola glasses (you know that distinctive shape), one filled with multi-colored Flair pens (also ineffective; ignore them), the other containing various office items including THREE rather large pairs of scissors. Don't know why/how I acquired three of them, but now I know why they're there... to repel any attackers not made of rock.
posted by oneswellfoop 20 October | 18:46
I did my best to kill the one zombie with my iPhone, but I lacked the upper body strength to kill it, and now I'm afraid I w o n ' t b e l o n g f o r t h i
posted by Rustic Etruscan 20 October | 19:08
Back scratcher! Ruined the thing, but zombie arms do very well as a replacement!
posted by Kronos_to_Earth 20 October | 21:08
Nine pound medicine ball.
posted by Hugh Janus 20 October | 21:48
(I should be keeping a nine pound medicine ball next to my bed/sofa/desk chair... you just never know...)
posted by oneswellfoop 20 October | 22:51
Yay. I'm going into the zombie apocalypse wielding a paperback copy of "The Saga of the Volsungs". Zombie is papercut and pissed off.(Oddly enough, if I were to pick up the item to my right, it would have been a back scratcher as well.)
posted by evilcupcakes 21 October | 00:30
Cell phone.
posted by buzzman 21 October | 01:03
cup of no-so-hot tea. thus proving yet again i'll be killed early during a zombie attack.
posted by bluesapphires 21 October | 07:46
12 lb attack cat. Youngun, too, full of piss and vinegar this cool fall morning.

As long as the zombie is willing to play with her, it would stave off its demise, otherwise, it would be slayed by teh cutes.
posted by mightshould 21 October | 09:20
a Fox News oped about the dangers of obsessing over zombies.
posted by mullacc 21 October | 10:06
Pink Sharpie highlighter..
posted by needlegrrl 21 October | 11:49
Czech officers sabre!
(yes, I cheated. it's on my right in the bookcase)
posted by jouke 21 October | 12:22
diet coke can? I guess the stuff is most likely slowly killing me...
posted by gaspode 21 October | 13:07
26-inch monitor. I suppose it makes a decent bludgeon, but at 18 pounds it's kind of unwieldy. Time to move the shotgun, I suppose?
posted by sysinfo 21 October | 16:31
DVD of Les Revenants. The threat of self-knowledge will repel them.
posted by Obscure Reference 22 October | 07:18
An 18 inch solid steel bar, wrapped in black electrical tape. It's about 3/4 inches thick. It was used to jack the main drive shaft of a five color printing press if the press got a paper jam. No I don't keep it for zombies. It's here for living assholes. But it would work just fine for the undead type.
posted by Splunge 22 October | 19:02
Today happiness is shaped like a little leather bag ... || Indoor voices, please!