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05 August 2012
I'm getting divorced. Not really my choice, though probably for the best. Support appreciated.
I've been there. It stinks in the present and you will have terrible moments when you look at something ordinary which will remind you of some personal thing that you shared. These moments will become less frequent. Truly.
Thanks, all. Right now I'm in a weird limbo place while waiting to figure out what makes sense for the future, and grieving what I had hoped for in the past. I do appreciate the support and understanding. And partying. And tequila. Woo!
Ugh, I'm terribly sorry to hear this. But you certainly have my support! Margaritas all around. If you need a freewheeling escape to the East Coast you know where to find us.
ooh also, also - if you want to just kick off and go hike in the mountains and look at scenery? we Boulder folks have got all that covered, and it's coming up for fall, which is the best time to do that sort of thing!
I am really sorry you're going through this bad time. Someone suggested a party. Which is an excellent idea. Why don't you hit the road and visit each one of us and have many parties? Put your stuff in storage and buy a motorcycle or an RV or an around-the-world plane ticket and go have an adventure. I can promise that you'll have some excellent cherry pie here in the kangaroo household along with Irish whiskey and a lot of laughs.
Think about it. And in the meantime, (((((occhi))))
Oh that fucking sucks. I am so sorry. I have so been there and all I have to say is FUCK. It gets better. HOWEVER! Get on a plane! I have a whole downstairs utterly empty of humans; you can come stay with me in beautiful weirdass Asheville for as long as you like and we can drink too much and hold on. In other divorce news I just the other day got a book called Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair. I haven't read it yet - mostly I kept thinking that it would sound more like my autobiography if it was Drunk, Divorced and Drowning in Dog Hair - but I have it. It holds out hope.
Seriously honey though you are young. I know you don't feel like it but you are. This too shall pass. Slowly, with intervals of misery and hilarity and everything in between, but pass it will. Much love to you and email or call me or just show up anytime.
There will be time for learning and redecorating and forcing yourself to go to the movies on your own. But grieving is very important as well, and I'm glad you recognize that it doesn't just happen when a person dies.
I'm here, too. And I'm proof that things totally get better after they suck ass.
I'm very sorry to hear, occhi, though as you say it is hopefully for the best! Many of the worst things to happen in my life have turned out to be for the best.
Ugh. I'm so sorry. Time will heal. Take care of yourself.
At the time of my separation, my minister told me that it takes a minimum of a calendar year for the healing process. The idea is that you have to go through each event over the year and figure how to deal with it (both emotionally and logistically) as a single person.
Personally what helped me most was lots and lots of work. I mostly stayed away from parties because I wasn't very good company but I was working full time and had just restarted working on my bachelor's degree after eight years off so I just dove into work and studies and ignored the rest of the world.
You know all the stuff: how it's okay to grieve change and okay to celebrate change and okay to do both or neither at the same time. You know it, but sometimes it's good to say it anyhow.
And especially, it's good to have a place where you can do all that with people who understand. Sending you good thoughts, sweetheart. Good, good thoughts.
Omg I'd love to meet up with all y'all, but funds are limited right now. Cross your fingers for me that the unemployment folks stop jerking me around, and we'll talk.
I'm sort of finishing up my own (not actually married this time but still a 15 year relationship). It's hard, but you'll get through it. This is my second (the first was 11 years). And if you want yet another not-involved 3rd party to talk about it, feel free to drop me a note.
As a one-time survivor (though we haven't yet got around to the actual "divorce" part) I can also attest to the notion that it gets better. Sometimes, through careful thought and (hopefully) wiser choices, it can be WAY BETTER.
I've never been happier in my life. Wouldn't have guess that back in my twenties, I'll tell you that much.
Thanks occiblu - I don't know about financial progress as there's no money in the account. It feels like progress though, to have some tiny thing that is a step forward after so many things that feel like a step back.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
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