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05 August 2012

I'm getting divorced. Not really my choice, though probably for the best. Support appreciated.
Awwwww :( I am very sorry to hear that, my dear.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 05 August | 18:31
posted by sperose 05 August | 18:35
posted by mightshould 05 August | 18:40
If you were here in Seattle, I'd fix you up with a big batch of wings and a frosty mug.
posted by Ardiril 05 August | 18:41
Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that. *hugs*
posted by TrishaLynn 05 August | 18:48
So sorry to hear that. Big hugs and lots of whuffles.
posted by deborah 05 August | 18:53
((((occhiblu)))) sorry to hear this, you know you always have our support!
posted by lonefrontranger 05 August | 18:59
I'm sorry :( You're in my thoughts.
posted by bluesapphires 05 August | 19:01
So sorry to hear you're going through this... but you will get through it.
posted by Orange Swan 05 August | 19:08
Oh, I am SO sorry. I've done it twice, I know how awful it is.
posted by JanetLand 05 August | 19:18
Also done it twice. Sorry you're going through this.
posted by Obscure Reference 05 August | 19:20
So very sorry. Hugs.
posted by arse_hat 05 August | 19:33
Damn. So sorry to hear that.
posted by octothorpe 05 August | 19:33
Oh and yeah, you'll totally get through it in time.
posted by octothorpe 05 August | 19:38
Is there any way to tastefully suggest that we turn this into a party?
posted by mudpuppie 05 August | 19:38
That sucks. I'm sorry.
posted by jason's_planet 05 August | 19:39
So very sorry occhiblu. Remember to treat yourself well during this ordeal.
posted by gomichild 05 August | 19:42
Hugs to you, occhiblu.
posted by BoringPostcards 05 August | 19:55
Party would be awesome.

Thank you for the support. I do very much appreciate it.
posted by occhiblu 05 August | 20:08
Is there any way to tastefully suggest that we turn this into a party?

Cranks up TEQUILA.
posted by JanetLand 05 August | 20:15
I've been there. It stinks in the present and you will have terrible moments when you look at something ordinary which will remind you of some personal thing that you shared. These moments will become less frequent. Truly.
posted by plinth 05 August | 20:18
Thanks, all. Right now I'm in a weird limbo place while waiting to figure out what makes sense for the future, and grieving what I had hoped for in the past. I do appreciate the support and understanding. And partying. And tequila. Woo!
posted by occhiblu 05 August | 20:32
Ugh, I'm terribly sorry to hear this. But you certainly have my support! Margaritas all around. If you need a freewheeling escape to the East Coast you know where to find us.
posted by Miko 05 August | 22:29
I'm sorry.
posted by brujita 05 August | 22:55
ooh also, also - if you want to just kick off and go hike in the mountains and look at scenery? we Boulder folks have got all that covered, and it's coming up for fall, which is the best time to do that sort of thing!
posted by lonefrontranger 05 August | 23:29
all the best.
posted by Firas 05 August | 23:33
I am really sorry you're going through this bad time. Someone suggested a party. Which is an excellent idea. Why don't you hit the road and visit each one of us and have many parties? Put your stuff in storage and buy a motorcycle or an RV or an around-the-world plane ticket and go have an adventure. I can promise that you'll have some excellent cherry pie here in the kangaroo household along with Irish whiskey and a lot of laughs.

Think about it. And in the meantime, (((((occhi))))

posted by Kangaroo 05 August | 23:34
Oh that fucking sucks. I am so sorry. I have so been there and all I have to say is FUCK. It gets better. HOWEVER! Get on a plane! I have a whole downstairs utterly empty of humans; you can come stay with me in beautiful weirdass Asheville for as long as you like and we can drink too much and hold on. In other divorce news I just the other day got a book called Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair. I haven't read it yet - mostly I kept thinking that it would sound more like my autobiography if it was Drunk, Divorced and Drowning in Dog Hair - but I have it. It holds out hope.

Seriously honey though you are young. I know you don't feel like it but you are. This too shall pass. Slowly, with intervals of misery and hilarity and everything in between, but pass it will. Much love to you and email or call me or just show up anytime.
posted by mygothlaundry 05 August | 23:45
Also? Don't be nice. Too many women, me included are nice. Fuck nice. Pit bull lawyer up.
posted by mygothlaundry 05 August | 23:48
Oh dear. I, too, have been there.

There will be time for learning and redecorating and forcing yourself to go to the movies on your own. But grieving is very important as well, and I'm glad you recognize that it doesn't just happen when a person dies.

I'm here, too. And I'm proof that things totally get better after they suck ass.
posted by Madamina 06 August | 00:40
I am so sorry, occhi. Please reach out to us more if you need additional shoulder time. My email is in my profile.
posted by msali 06 August | 01:04
Ugh. I'm so sorry. Time will heal. Take care of yourself.
posted by rainbaby 06 August | 05:48
Having been through it twice- the pain goes away. Be strong and good luck.
posted by Splunge 06 August | 07:54
Thanks, all. I'm definitely hanging in there.
posted by occhiblu 06 August | 09:14
I'm so sorry to hear this. If you come through Chicago (you're originally from Chicago, aren't you?), drinks are on me.

Last week I moved out of the apartment my guy and I had gotten, and then broke up in. It SUCKED. Hearing this hits close to home.
posted by halonine 06 August | 09:38
I'm very sorry to hear, occhi, though as you say it is hopefully for the best! Many of the worst things to happen in my life have turned out to be for the best.
posted by amro 06 August | 10:01
Ugh. I'm so sorry. Time will heal. Take care of yourself.

At the time of my separation, my minister told me that it takes a minimum of a calendar year for the healing process. The idea is that you have to go through each event over the year and figure how to deal with it (both emotionally and logistically) as a single person.

Personally what helped me most was lots and lots of work. I mostly stayed away from parties because I wasn't very good company but I was working full time and had just restarted working on my bachelor's degree after eight years off so I just dove into work and studies and ignored the rest of the world.
posted by octothorpe 06 August | 10:26
I'm really sorry to hear this. Be well.
posted by Senyar 06 August | 10:34
*puts on some tunes*
posted by Eideteker 06 August | 11:52
Oh, occhiblu, I'm so sorry! Support, always.

You know all the stuff: how it's okay to grieve change and okay to celebrate change and okay to do both or neither at the same time. You know it, but sometimes it's good to say it anyhow.

And especially, it's good to have a place where you can do all that with people who understand. Sending you good thoughts, sweetheart. Good, good thoughts.
posted by Elsa 06 August | 12:56
I am so sorry, occhiblu.

If we are putting in requests for the Occhi Tour, then surely Boston merits consideration. *hugs*
posted by initapplette 06 August | 15:05
Oh crap. I am so sorry to hear this.
posted by danf 06 August | 15:11
If we are putting in requests for the Occhi Tour, then surely Boston merits consideration. *hugs*

I'd hop the train to Boston if the occhiblu hug tour were to make a stop there. SRSLY.
posted by Elsa 06 August | 15:27
Omg I'd love to meet up with all y'all, but funds are limited right now. Cross your fingers for me that the unemployment folks stop jerking me around, and we'll talk.
posted by occhiblu 06 August | 18:11
Oh I'm so sorry. Hugs.
posted by typewriter 06 August | 19:55
Hugs, dear. I'm a good listener, and my phone # is in my Mefi profile if you just wanna talk, or rant at someone. Up all night most nights.
posted by pjern 06 August | 20:17
Oh honey. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Many hugs and much love to you.
posted by jrossi4r 06 August | 21:20
Sorry you're going through this. Me too, so I really do feel for you right now.

It has to get better, right? I mean, this is as bad as it gets?

It felt strangely positive to go and open my first 'my own' bank account in 16 years today. Very strange.
posted by dg 07 August | 04:33
Sorry, dg. But yay for financial progress.
posted by occhiblu 07 August | 10:10
I'm so sorry to hear that, occhi! And dg! I'm sending big hugs and tequilla.
posted by Specklet 07 August | 10:40
How totally rotten. Thinking of you.

Also cranking the stereo for another party, because might as well celebrate leaving an unhappy situation.
posted by bearwife 07 August | 11:05
It's rotten. I'm sorry.

I'm sort of finishing up my own (not actually married this time but still a 15 year relationship). It's hard, but you'll get through it. This is my second (the first was 11 years). And if you want yet another not-involved 3rd party to talk about it, feel free to drop me a note.
posted by kalessin 07 August | 12:17
Ah man, I'm really sorry occhi. You too, dg.

As a one-time survivor (though we haven't yet got around to the actual "divorce" part) I can also attest to the notion that it gets better. Sometimes, through careful thought and (hopefully) wiser choices, it can be WAY BETTER.

I've never been happier in my life. Wouldn't have guess that back in my twenties, I'll tell you that much.
posted by richat 07 August | 13:53
Thanks occiblu - I don't know about financial progress as there's no money in the account. It feels like progress though, to have some tiny thing that is a step forward after so many things that feel like a step back.
posted by dg 07 August | 16:04
Not you too?! (((dg)))
posted by deborah 07 August | 21:27
Oh no, dg and kalessin! :( (((hugs)))
posted by halonine 07 August | 23:01
A short set of Booker T & the MGs || found on etsy