Spend some time in the phone closet with a wire cutter. A phone closet is a small room where all of the interior phone system connections interface with the external phone system. And then some time in the server room.

I already have it planned. At my last staff meeting, I will take my usual place, and once the meeting is under way, I will calmly get out a baggy of some sort of herb, and roll one, on top of my yellow legal pad. I have a feeling that I will get stopped before lighting up, but if not, I'll light up and pass it to the redneck who usually sits to my right.

I generally like to leave with my head held high. But if I get a particular kind of customer, I'll sincerely ask them, "Does this kind of approach usually work for you?" I've always wondered.

Order a dozen pizzas to the break room courtesy of the boss' boss. Log into her email account and send the entire floor an invitation to the pizza party "in appreciation of the interns who work so hard."

Go down to the maintenance guys' office and chill out with them for awhile, tell them what I've done. Take a nap.

Show up late to the pizza party with a cake decorated with the words "Farewell, [company name & division]! Thanks for doing my job, Interns!" Light sparklers on it instead of candles. Light some firecrackers as well, saying, "While we're playing with gunpowder, we might as well have some real fun."

Return to the maintenance office to update them and take another nap.

Head back upstairs and say to the boss, or the boss' boss, "Oh, I thought you'd left for the day. There's no need for you to stick around, you aren't getting anything done anyway."

Clean out my desk about thirty minutes before the end of the day, call security and get an escort to the front door "for my own safety."

Ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

[Interview tomorrow. Wish me luck.

(This is the job op where I emailed the HR recruiter 5 min after the phone interview saying I thought it had gone well and that the guy had to write up notes and stuff but would get back to him soon-ish. 2 min later, I had a reply saying "It went well." Taking that as a good sign.)]

I own my company, so it sorta depends if we're closing the doors in ignominious defeat or selling out for the big paycheck. Either way, whiskey, I guess.

One last look out the magic window that shows Puget Sound and (on clear days) the Olympic Mountain.

I love that window.

rm -rf *

format c:

Take a sledgehammer to all photocopiers and printers. Yes, all of them. They are the minions of evil and deserve to die a painful death.

Nah. Open P: in a window, Ctrl-A, delete.

I'd send nice notes to everyone who had ever helped me out or supported me in any way. Even folks I don't like much. The really good folks would get a bottle of something they like to drink or maybe tickets to something. The world can be a very small place at times. You may find yourself bumping in to an old boss or co-worker even a decade later and it can be adventitious to be remembered well.

Accidental?

I live in a very small city with an even smaller tech community and unless I was retiring any nastiness would follow me around like a black cloud.

Ooh, if only I had seen this sooner. Oh, well. Hope you got your pound of flesh.