MetaChat - Stand alone movie quotes

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20 June 2012

Stand alone movie quotes Do you have any particular favourite bits of movie dialogue that for you, just never stop being funny, and that you quote to yourself every now and then and then laugh inordinately?
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Here are mine.

"You have no idea how difficult it is to be a woman and a Satanist. I have nothing to look forward to but menopause and wrinkles in this life, and vats of boiling oil in the next."

And:

"I didn't know it was your diary when I first read it. I thought it was a very sad hand-written novel."

Tell me yours! Don't identify the movie — let everyone try to place it, and for this to work the quote has to be funny on its own, without any context given.

post by: Orange Swan at: 16:30 | 37 comments

"I could crush your head, like a nut. But I won't, because I need you!"

posted by Hugh Janus 20 June | 16:38

"I'm not paranoid! You really ARE all spies!"

"I've never been in a country where everybody didn't hate the phone company."

"You're the great humanitarian? You want to save the world? Take the gun!"

posted by oneswellfoop 20 June | 16:59

Into the mud, scum queen!

posted by Ardiril 20 June | 17:02

Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

posted by Thorzdad 20 June | 17:08

"Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos. "

"Like I told my last wife, I said 'Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it's all in the reflexes.'"

posted by workerant 20 June | 17:09

Help is on the way!

You know what I'm going to do about this?
What?
Nothing!

Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

posted by bearwife 20 June | 17:27

They're all from the same movie:

"This is gonna take crackerjack timing!"

"Are you crazy, is that your problem?"

"Son of a bitch must pay!"

"It's all in the reflexes."

posted by JanetLand 20 June | 17:48

Tow-el.

posted by Eideteker 20 June | 17:50

"I'm beginning to doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion."

posted by BoringPostcards 20 June | 18:29

"I don't think that's Pete."

George Clooney in O Brother, Where Art Thou?

posted by danf 20 June | 18:32

"They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad."

"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?"

and BP's one, too.

posted by gaspode 20 June | 18:54

Heh, that's what I get for leaving my comment in preview for half an hour, danf.

posted by gaspode 20 June | 18:55

"It's so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice."

posted by fancyoats 20 June | 18:58

my previous 3 were all from the same movie, but this one is from a different movie:

"When I was a kid, I put a note into a bottle and it had my name and address on it. And then I threw the bottle into the ocean. And I never knew if anybody ever found it."

It's great to have a 'favorite movie' list that makes everyone else say "Whuh..?"

posted by oneswellfoop 20 June | 19:25

"Dogs and cats! Living together! Mass hysteria!"

posted by TrishaLynn 20 June | 19:27

"I like your nurse's uniform, guy."
"These are O.R. scrubs."
"O, R they?"

"I thought you said your dog did not bite."
"That is not my dog."

"So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes."

"You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of..."
"What do you call this?
"Well, this piece is called 'Lick My Love Pump.'"

"It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black."

(I am having a really hard time not just quoting that entire movie.)

"What was that for?"
"You've always been so kind to me, but I won't be seeing you anymore, since I'm killing myself in the morning."
"Won't that be nice!"

"I just HATE you... and I hate your... ass... FACE!"

And I know this has already been quoted multiple times, but I'll say it anyway:
"The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. VAGINA."

posted by Madamina 20 June | 19:42

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

posted by arse_hat 20 June | 19:43

OK that was weird timing.

posted by arse_hat 20 June | 19:47

(Actually Madamina, I'm surprised I haven't come across any Maude Lebowski references with the whole Michigan rep "vagina" furore. I mean, I'm sure they are out there, but just not on my radar.)

posted by gaspode 20 June | 20:03

"Honey! Where's my super suit?!"
"What?"
"Where. Is. My. Super. Suit?!"
"I put it away!"
"Where?!"
"Why do you need to know?!"
"I need it!"

posted by royalsong 20 June | 20:09

Gaspode, I've been quoting it non. stop.

posted by Madamina 20 June | 20:32

I could burn the building down...

The ratio of people to cake is not good...

Big grains of salt...

And from Jon:

Business is slow? Fuck you, pay me.

This would be a great job if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

posted by Pips 20 June | 20:55

Put... the candle... back!

posted by octothorpe 20 June | 21:01

"To make a long story short"
"Too late!"

"Inconceivable!"

posted by bluesapphires 20 June | 22:30

My brother told me he sometimes deploys a different Brewmeister Smith (Max von Sydow in Strange Brew) quote when he's playing Cosmic Encounters with my older nephew. Just after turning the tables or otherwise trapping the boy, my brother will bewilder him with, "You came here with a mouse in a bottle. Now you are the mouse!"

Too bad you will not live to see the whole world addicted to Elsinore Beer!

posted by Hugh Janus 20 June | 23:33

"you fuckers, i'm back"

posted by mullacc 20 June | 23:34

Don't call me Shirley.

Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit smoking.

(are these funny on their own? I don't know, but surely everyone's seen the movie...)

posted by altolinguistic 21 June | 03:01

I like to use the form of the "Airplane!" quotes to make my own statements:

"And don't call me ObviousLee!"

"Looks like I picked the wrong day to not quit this job."

posted by oneswellfoop 21 June | 03:25

If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. ... I'm hungry. Let's go get a taco.

posted by dancestoblue 21 June | 04:04

"A what?"

posted by rainbaby 21 June | 06:02

I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.

posted by Obscure Reference 21 June | 07:03

"Leeloo Dallas Multipass."

posted by Splunge 21 June | 09:39

"No secrets between sailors."

posted by WolfDaddy 21 June | 11:44

"messed up my part..."

"dayum, dayum, dayum"

"Who drank my GOT DAM apple juice?"

"We'll be flying 5000 miles an hour at an altitude of 300 feet."

posted by chewatadistance 21 June | 12:04

"You better put some water on them cornflakes, boy."

posted by Eideteker 21 June | 12:09

"I wasn't supposed to BE here today!"

posted by lysdexic 21 June | 16:44

"You have the right to a lawyer. A dog lawyer."

posted by bearwife 21 June | 21:42

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