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13 April 2012

Jolie-laide I'm finding this thread so very inspiring.
Yes, me too. I teared up at the anonymous comment sent through jessamyn from the man who said his wife's ugly but he loves her.

It's a welcome change from the Samantha Brick arrogance.
posted by Senyar 13 April | 12:29
What the f*&k is ugly, anyway?

I feel for this person, but most of us who do not have a grooming staff have issues.
posted by danf 13 April | 12:51
Coming from the fetish side of society, I have met some truly ugly people (female and male) and their admirers. They only represent the most extreme edge of the spectrum. This young woman, with poise and confidence, should have no problems once she hits 21.
posted by Ardiril 13 April | 13:10
Oh, yeah... The funny thing about the ugly fetishists is many of them actually get turned on by being turned down by an ugly woman, though this is distinctly different from the BDSM scene. The more humiliating, the better. They also tend to be the tamest among all the fetishes, and treat their women like goddesses, both publicly and privately, again not in a BDSM way whatsoever.
posted by Ardiril 13 April | 13:19
It's an advantage, she just doesn't know it.
Some idiot may think I'm pretty until I open my mouth, and that's part of why i open my mouth.
For the last week I've been told that there is no point in thinking about academia because I should just have kids. That's the weight of my contribution to the future, I'm guessing a male child unless they think things are spontaneously going to be better for women.
Sex object, breeder. As a woman, what else should i want out of life?
posted by ethylene 13 April | 13:29
I hate it. I was supposedly attractive, but couldn't get a date. Then I got old and ugly. and at that point I got married. So fuck everyone. It has nothing to do with looks or confidence, it has to do with magic.
posted by eekacat 13 April | 14:52
It is actually true that stupid/nasty/unkind beautiful people are not appealing, while kind/funny/smart/loving ugly people are the ones you want to spend your life with. Life presents many examples of this, but it is hard to know it when you are 20.
posted by bearwife 13 April | 17:51
It's not really about being ugly, it's about feeling ugly.
A friend of mine has horrible acne scars. She could get microdermabrasion, but she doesn't think it should matter. At the same time, she feels ugly and it shows, in her posture, expressions, everything.
I know another guy who got a nose job. He didn't look that different, but the change in how he felt was dramatic.
Feeling ugly is infinitely worse than being nontraditionally attractive.
posted by ethylene 13 April | 18:26
I did not actually read that thread--but it set me thinking. I can't actually think of anyone I have ever known that I would call "objectively ugly"--I don't think I've ever actually looked at a person and thought "wow--she's ugly!". I've thought "unattractive" "awkward feature" "bad skin" "poorly groomed" "badly dressed" "unfortunate scarring", but I've never actually seen a person and thought "wow, that is an ugly person".

I understand *subjective* ugliness, in that I can understand that some people would look at another person and think she was "ugly" but it's unlikely I'd agree. And I, personally, I have never recoiled from another human being because he or she was "ugly". Do people actually do that? I thought it was something from those awful bro-dude comedies, not something real humans do to one another.

I mean, the human race is put together and had bred to be appealing to one another. Sexual attraction and aesthetic attraction are all subjective, but at the heart of it, all humans have the same basic structures and symmetry that are appealing to other humans.

I once had to leave a party because people were sitting around calling some actress "ugly". I don't even remember what actress it was--a Kathy Bates, Camryn Manheim, Roseanne Barr type. Not slim, often cast in a loud or garish part, never someone who looks dew-faced and barely post-pubescent. But one who is, when you look at her features, her clear skin, her coloring, simply not ugly. Arguably not even only of "average" attractiveness, but someone who has become an actress because she is physically *appealing*, even if not an ideal of fuckable starletness. It made me so angry how people were confusing their own personal partner preferences with "beauty" or "ugly" and how dismissive they were of people outside it.

I guess I had nothing to say in that conversation that could be useful. Feeling ugly or being treated as ugly is a problem, even if I have a hard time understanding why someone would think another person is ugly.
posted by crush-onastick 16 April | 10:12
Because I'm in a good mood, || Police salvage blind author's inkless novel pages