MetaChat - Bachelor No. 837,653.3

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14 February 2012

Bachelor No. 837,653.3 I've received yet another dazzling overture from a Lava Lad. In honour of VD, I'm going to tell you about it.→[More:]

He sent me two emails, both with the subject line "Lust". The first said,

you have no idea how desirable you are
but on the other hand
elegant woman needs a man to tell her that
then lust will be for you to enjoy.

I didn't reply, and then I received another one that said,

i must say.
you have no idea how elegant you are.

And here's his profile:

BECAUSE MULTICULTURALISM DOES'NT WORK
culture was replaced by feminism
and feminism killed off romance and the dating retual...
there really is no culture in TORONTO
and if there is no culture then there is no romance
only metrosexuality{useless men}
i like women with opinions' women who are politically incorrect
because thats the way i'm

TORONTO IS NOT A ROMANTIC CITY
you have to be of your rocker to want romance here
i fell of my rocker a long time ago

...Are you fed up with immature, sexually lame, metrosexual men. When was the last time a man worthy of your attention actually leered at you and you felt lusted over?

curves are paramount

to some people g-d gives money
to me he gave talent and penis
brains were included with the talent not the penis
at 17 i was diagnosed with m.s
i spent almost 23 years fighting for my health
and now its back
but i'm 44 now and healthy but not wealthy yet
that's coming
life is too short to wait for circumstances to be right to fall in love
unreasonable is the only way to love,happiness and laughter
here is a bit about my life
at 17 i was diagnosed with m.s
and going to school became hard so i stopped going
after many years of fighting that problem,i won
i.m in good health now
but i.m left without education that most people get through school
to me that means nothing but now i.m trying to put myself on youtube and hope some one notices my talent
my talent is anicdotes
telling funny stories
right now i live of o.d.s.p.
i live on 24th floor of a 29 storey building and i have no need for financial help
thats not what i'm looking for
i'm not the kind of person that waits for money to be happy
I, LIKE YOU ,WAS BORN HAPPY
THEN LIFE KICKED IN,AND WE BEGAN THINKING WE NEED SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY
BUT ALL WE NEED IS ENCOURAGEMENT
remmember this
you are not wealthy unless you have something money can't buy
and by the way i do not have a car
i know tough luck

What say you, bunnies? I know he's not Dimitri the Lover, but shall I be swept off my feet by his charms, or no?

post by: Orange Swan at: 21:11 | 10 comments

Did he tell you, "your profile is like a beautiful unicorn who likes to hold onion rings for people"? If not, just say no.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 14 February | 21:19

Now I want a beautiful unicorn to hold onion rings for me.

posted by ethylene 14 February | 21:29

Odd, I'm pretty sure misanthropy is NOT usually a symptom of MS - or 'm.s.'

Anyway, let's get more MeChans (especially sexually satisfied 'metrosexual' males - like me) to make comments in this thread laughing our asses 'of' at him, then e-mail him a link. If LavaLamp kicks you out for breaching someone's confidentiality, think of it as less junk e-mail in the future.

posted by oneswellfoop 14 February | 22:16

Why do creepy guys love the word elegant so much?

posted by arse_hat 14 February | 22:24

That profile looks like spam to me. I say no.

posted by dg 14 February | 23:12

You're not the only one.

posted by Miko 14 February | 23:18

I don't trust people who won't edit themselves. It shows a level of narcissism that even transcends their content.

posted by Obscure Reference 15 February | 08:52

Ik. No.

posted by Splunge 15 February | 09:19

His profile fascinates me, but because of how much of a wreck it is. He's honest, but boastful. Back to honesty, open about his health (or using it for pity), and he's going to be a YouTube star in his mid-to-late 40s.

and by the way i do not have a car
i know tough luck

I would use this line to close out emails, except no one would understand. And I would feel creepy after using it, especially if someone did understand.

posted by filthy light thief 15 February | 12:50

That line is so much better in the context of the previous line. It's genius, really.

you are not wealthy unless you have something money can't buy
and by the way i do not have a car
i know tough luck

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 15 February | 13:45

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