MetaChat - Changed Vets. . .Old One Not Happy

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21 December 2011

Changed Vets. . .Old One Not Happy We have had the same veterinarian for over 30 years. She is a "housecall" vet who comes and provides services at people's homes. →[More:] For surgeries, she uses the facilities of a local vet office with which she is familiar.

She chainsmokes, goes barefoot most of the time, and is not, by any means, "soft." She is also a very good vet.

But during the past several years, there have been several times when we have not had the best of service. One time, we had a dog emergency and her answering machine was off. Another time, a call did not get returned. And with the latest cat we lost, we felt that she did not handle the end-of-life issues very well and had to take him to the afore-mentioned vet office to get him put down (she puts animals down regularly as part of the practice).

She lost her partner about 5 years ago, and has either lost her mother recently, or has her mother in assisted living (not sure).

But for the last stage of our dog's life, we have decided to use the services of another house-call vet in town, who specializes in old pets. This vet, another woman, is very soft and loving and gentle. . .I think we were actually afraid of our old vet a bit.

So we sent a nice card to our old vet, thanking her for all of her care over the years (including letting our daughter intern with her for a week when she was in 4th grade).

Well she left a phone message last night and was very upset, wanting to know what she did wrong, sounding very "wronged" that we are going with another vet, etc. We feel we need to respond, and in a perfect world I will leave a voice mail for her with a bit more explanation, but I have the feeling that she will push this and want to do it face-to-face and "have it out." Yuck.

I do not want to do this, in that it feels like she is laying down and insisting that we "run over her" to get out of this relationship. . .

It is strange in that in order to sign up with this vet, who is very busy, you almost have to adopt one of her current patients (that is how we got in long ago) so it does not seem like our not calling her will really hurt her business much.

Thanks for letting me vent, if you have gotten this far.

post by: danf at: 11:27 | 10 comments

Man I'd just leave it alone at this point. I wasn't clear from your story whether you said "thanks for your service and now goodbye" or just "thanks for your service" but you don't owe anyone some long explanation. You went with someone who better suited what you needed from a professional when dealing with a difficult time in your pet's life. End of story. There is nothing to be gained from going through some sort of "he said, she said" thing because at the end of the day you've made your decision. I am sorry she is being weird and unprofessional. Unless you also know her socially I would just not call back. You are already out of this relationship, I wouldn't drag it out.

posted by jessamyn 21 December | 11:56

You are not obligated to "have it out." If you felt she honestly wanted feed back and it would help her, it would be one thing, but things sound difficult enough without worrying about her.
I'm glad you found a vet that works for you. Sounds like it's been pretty rough.
Best of luck.

posted by ethylene 21 December | 12:01

My wife wants (me) to call her back in that I am the diplomat of the family. It is a semi-social thing, and, like where you live, people tend to run into one another here. (The last time I ran into her was at a radiologist, when we were both waiting for CT scans.)

It is sort of borderline in that she always departs with a hug, etc. But I guess I want some closure in that I DO run into her now and then (as I mentioned above). But calling her might not close it, though.

posted by danf 21 December | 12:02

She's crossed a professional boundary, and I think reinforcing the professional boundary is probably the best way to take care of the social aspect of it, too, in that it shows you're ending the professional relationship without severing the social relationship. I'd go with something along the lines of what Jessamyn wrote -- "We decided to go with someone who better suited our needs while dealing with a difficult time in our pet's life." Throw in that you still respect her and are grateful for her past services (if true), and emphasize that your needs have changed.

And then just repeat "Our needs have changed. It's nothing personal." like a broken record to any and all and every objection, accusation, or pouty sullen response she might make. There's no reason to go into anything else, and she's being ridiculous asking you to do so.

posted by occhiblu 21 December | 12:19

One of the hard things about dealing with her has been the fact that she lives 15 miles out of town. . .this makes her not want to "pop over" on a weekend. With that last euthanasia, she did not do it on a Friday, as we wanted, so we had to take the cat to another vet on a Saturday. They were really good. It made me think that there are a lot of great vets in town and that we did not have to keep with the old one.

posted by danf 21 December | 12:23

I would have said something at the time of the incidents with which you were not happy.

Now, I nth occhiblu.

posted by brujita 21 December | 12:27

Calling you up and leaving a message like that was really unprofessional. If it were me I'd choose to not interact with her further, as much as possible.

If she wants to try to force a confrontation if you run into her in public, that will be even more unprofessional and make her look bad to any other clients or potential clients. Hopefully she has enough tact to realize that...right?

posted by galadriel 21 December | 13:29

If you are not definitely going to run into her any time soon, you could put it off until she calms down.
But yeah, just keep it professional. And if she does get emotional, it's probably got nothing to do with you, so don't let it affect you.

posted by ethylene 21 December | 13:30

And then just repeat "Our needs have changed. It's nothing personal."

This seems like the best way to handle this. All the details that you mention are excellent reasons to switch, but she doesn't get to demand them --- or any other explanation --- from you. Maybe she wants some sort of exit interview so she can better improve her relationship with clients, but that's not how she's presenting it based on what you describe.

And even if she were being less emotional and more professional about this, she doesn't get to demand anything. In your shoes, I would suspect that she wants to hear the reasons so she can hash them out and persuade you to change your mind. I would not engage with that.

Since this is a stressful time in her life, it's certainly possible that some of that emotion is spilling over into the profession sphere --- but that's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself and your critters.

posted by Elsa 21 December | 15:44

I'm going to differ a little here from the sensible advice you are getting because your community sounds fairly small.

I agree that she appears to be taking a terrible approach to trying to get you to change your mind, and that if I were you, I would stay with your decision.

But, rather than not responding to the call, I'd suggest you write a short note to insert in a holiday card for her. In the note, I'd express again how much you appreciate the care she has provided over the years for your animals, and how much you like her personally. I'd also briefly mention the problems with reaching her for your dog emergency, and that at least one call was not returned, and remind her that the end of life event for your cat didn't go well. I'd add that you still retain great affection and admiration for her, but it is time to move on. (If your animals are old and she doesn't specialize in geriatric care, you may want to make this note even softer and say that you are switching to someone who specializes in older animals like yours.)

A note is a graceful way of responding without direct contact, and conveying some of the nice things that you have to say to her.

Sorry about this. It is her, not you, but sometimes it is worth it to give people a gentler ride through being rejected. Especially when those people still show up in your landscape afterward.

posted by bearwife 21 December | 17:48

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