Oh, I *am* sorry. This kind of thing has happened to me more often than I care to count, and it totally sucks. I can only tell you what I do:

1. Watch a lot of mindless television. One year, I spent many hours watching that show on CMT about these chicks auditioning to be Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. Project Runway. Top Chef. Old movies that you've seen 20 times (but that AREN'T romantic) will work too. Another year, I got really into hockey.

2. I get a lot of cheap jigsaw puzzles from Goodwill and do them while watching the stuff under #1.

3. I also knit really simple things while watching all the stuff under #1. Also play solitaire (with real cards, not on the computer).

4. Maybe this isn't you, but I can't cook when I'm upset so I lay in a stock of good frozen meals (well, as good as they get, anyway) and also avail myself of the (overpriced) deli counter at the supermarket.

5. When I absolutely need to get out of the house, I drive to a very large antiques mall and spend hours Looking At Stuff.

Oh, and stay off of things like facebook -- when you're sad, it's really annoying that everybody on there is so fucking HAPPY and has SUCH A GREAT GODDAMN LIFE.

Crumbs!

Welcome to singlehood. I haven't been here in a decade (!) but am making myself what passes for comfortable.

Have some popcorn, chill out with me and JanetLand. ;)

When I was painfully single and hating it, my hippie roommate used to tell me "rejection is protection". I always wanted to smack her serial-dating face for that one, but she was right. You've been spared something far more painful in the long run. My advice is to get out and be social in a setting that is in no way conducive to dating. I used to hang with my gay friends after a break up, they understood man troubles and knew how to celebrate life when you were blue. Barring that, my other anti-funk cure is watching movies or reading books I loved as a kid. It tends to remind me of when I was a bit more optimistic. The Little House on the Prairie books saw me through a serious illness, and Alice in Wonderland was great after I got laid off a few years ago.

Awwwww peachie. Every one of us has been there. Sounds like you got blindsided. It sucks and you're going to feel sad and then little by little, so imperceptibly that you won't even notice it at first, you will feel better. But until you get there, be very good to yourself. Treat yourself with every bit of the gentle kindness that you'd lavish on your most treasured friend if she were going through this.

I wish you lived on my street, I'd bake brownies, bring over a bottle of wine and teach you to play mah jongg.

Feel free to mourn, vent or otherwise emote here. We love you and think you're splendid, magnificent, beautiful, smart, and very talented.

(((((((((peacheater)))))))))))

(((((((((((peacheater)))))))))))

I am so sorry. It truly sucks, especially when it was unexpected. It's going to hurt, but you will get through it, it just takes time. You can allow yourself to be sad, don't feel guilt over that. But do get out, do a hobby that interests you, avoid Facebook or other "happy happy" sites, and remember to breathe, and eat. Take care of yourself!! You will get through this, I promise.

Thanks so much everyone, for the advice and sympathy. I do feel a bit better now. I had a really good cry on the phone with my parents, then went out for dinner with my friends followed by Jon Stewart's show (he's here at Cornell). That was kind of sad because I'd got tickets for me and my boyfriend and sitting there alone (my friends had seats somewhere else) was moderately painful, but I forgot about it as much as possible during the jokes.

I'm sure it will get better, I'm just consumed with thoughts of what might have been.

Crap, that sucks. I'm not sure that you'll believe me at this point but you will get over it and be able to find someone else. I would have never met my wife if my previous girlfriend hadn't dumped me out of the blue six months earlier.

Maybe octothorpe, but I'm feeling a bit hopeless about something like that right now. There were just so many things that were right about the two of us together -- for the first time I felt like I had someone who I was really attracted to, who was kind and sweet and smart and we agreed politically as well as personally about what we wanted for long term relationships. To have all that change so suddenly, I just feel like the ground's been pulled out from under my feet and I keep questioning everything I've believed so far.

Also, this is actually the first breakup I've ever had where I've been broken up with. I broke up my previous two relationships. I suppose it's only fair that I get to feel some pain too, but it's still crushing.

When I was painfully single and hating it, my hippie roommate used to tell me "rejection is protection". posted by evilcupcakes

peacheater, I was in bed already when I saw your post, and I got up and poured a stiff cigarette and lit a glass of wine, wait, I got that shit backwards....

I am so sorry to hear about your condition, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I really wish this didn't happen to anybody. Please know that there is another side to the tunnel you are in, and you will come out it on the other side ready and willing to take on another relationship that is better for you.

((((peacheater))))

Life will present you with other opportunities. I know you miss this particular boyfriend, but there are other fish in the ocean. Wow, did I just say that? It's true, peacheater. I know that may not be the best observation right now, but it is damned true.

Thanks msali. I do need to hear that oft-repeated statement now, as it's hard to remember.

Did manage to make a good amount of progress in my work for the conference so I'm counting the day a success.

Good night all.

Sorry to hear it, peacheater. For what it's worth, I was in a similar situation a few years ago, where I was really hopeful and happy about the relationship and the other person's interest just waned. I was in therapy at the time and the therapist gave me a really nuts-and-bolts way to think about it, talking about how feeling 'in-love-ish' created an effect of oxytocin high, brain chemical-wise, and that once the supply was suddenly cut off, there was a concomitant withdrawal effect. I know this can be framed in other ways, but the mechanical simplicity of this helped me deal with it - I hadn't lost a potential true love, I was just in withdrawal.

Included in my reaction: a few days of crying jags, some Ring Dings, and also going out to get an ear-cartilage piercing. That, for some reason, immediately made me feel better and perhaps recover some swagger. Friends are a wonderful antidote, as are stupid comedy movies, especially if you go out to see them.

The guy that dumped me made a strange half-hearted attempt to get me back a little later under some strange conditions, but it didn't really take as everyone was confused and angsty, and a year or so later he married a woman who he wrote a bit about (he's a journalist, and would post these writings on his FB). Then, a year later, they split. And I found a great long-term partner. So as these things go, I have to say, it really did probably work out for the best as I think the original guy is actually not that great at relationships.

So when people say it's for the best, they're probably right. You'll find someone with their head on straighter, who can really appreciate what they have in you. Still, in the moment, it's very sucky to endure. Consoling vibes to you!

Oh, ouch, it really stings when something comes right out of the blue like that. I'm so sorry you're going through this, because all the wisdom in the world (it's for the best, other fish in the sea kinda wisdom, which is all true) doesn't soothe that sting very much.

I suspect that wisdom is still important to hear, though, even if it doesn't feel like much at the moment... because you ARE awesome and you WILL feel better and there ARE other fish in the peach, so to speak, and the more you hear how AWESOME you are, the easier it becomes to feel how AWESOME you are.

Treat yourself with every bit of the gentle kindness that you'd lavish on your most treasured friend if she were going through this.

This is excellent advice, and I have to say the the JanetLand Protocol sounds pretty awesomely soothing to me. I kinda wish we could all pile in together for a slumber party at JanetLand's.

Miko, I think oxytocin withdrawal is a wonderful way of thinking of this. To some extent, I just miss having someone to snuggle and kiss and tell sweet things to, to make plans with.

Elsa, I'm trying to be kind to myself. It's hard, when my internal voice is telling me I'm never going to find love again.

I did some probably ill-advised things -- called my ex a couple times to work out the exchange of stuff of each other's that we have. I think he's trying to be kind, but I hate not being a priority any more.

Trying to decide if I should go to a "Creatures of the Night" party at my advisors' place tonight, given that the only costume I have (which I already wore on Friday) is of the Morton salt girl. Not very "Creatures of the Night"-ish. But maybe I need to get out of here and I know many of my friends are going and my advisors are cool people.

To some extent, I just miss having someone to snuggle and kiss and tell sweet things to, to make plans with.

Oh, I remember that feeling so keenly: that sudden, profoundly tactile absence.

I also remember that (for me, anyhow) contact and connection really helped. Do you have a friend with a kitten or puppy? Can you walk someone's dog? Babysit a niece or nephew? Having just a brief stretch of time during which I can give and receive that unfiltered affection and contact helps buoy my spirits immensely. It might be worth trying. If nothing else, it splits your attention.

Morton Salt Girl is a great costume! Plus, salt is a classic spirit repellent, so you'll be protecting them.

Elsa, luckily my roommate has a wonderful 15 year old cat who loves nothing more than to snuggle up on your feet or in your lap. So I've got that covered!