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25 October 2011
Feeling good thread! Tell me one thing you really like about yourself today.
Hmm, it's a rough week for self-affirmations up here. however...I'm being asked to stretch my skills somewhat at work, and so far, so good. I'm rising to the challenges. So, I'm pleased with that.
Down another belt notch. Uni-qlo still doesn't make pants that fit me, though. Srsly, stopping at 36? They'll never make it outside NYC; have you seen the rest of America? I mean, shit, even when I was at my thinnest, I could barely fit in 36s. Not without filing down my pelvis.
That was more ranty than positive. So, uh, I'm generally proud of the way I've been dealing with stuff lately. Especially relationships (both familial and romantic). I'm still making mistakes (sorry, if you're reading this), but generally learning from them faster.
Feeling a bit low so maybe this thread is what I need.
My good thing: I can rustle up a tasty meal with whatever's in the fridge and pantry in approximately 30 minutes. I have a feeling this is something that's going to come in handy all my life.
I should feel all kinds of crap as my life is generally in a state of disarray, but I don't. I feel grounded and awake. I'm also having a bit of a laugh picturing TPS walking like a dinosaur around frightened and short skinny men.
Uniqlo is a tiny man's paradise. Last time I was on the man's floor, I was the tallest person there. I almost started stomping around like a dinosaur.
I saw a b-boy in there, obviously attracted by the grand opening without knowing the kind of store. Sorry, chief, you're not going to find saggy drawers in the jeans department here.
I just realized [literally since posting my last comment] that since finishing college two years ago, landing a stable job, and jettisoning the girlfriends (harsh term, sorry, but I explain below), I have no direction in life. But also I have... well, no pressures? I have my degree, and while I'm free to pursue another, there's no need. I have employment (for now) with benefits. I'm no longer on the "marriage track" (I think it's called?). Couple that with releasing myself from my mother's influence recently, and, well, I'm... free? Subconsciously, I've been trying to tell myself this, the same way I always do, by assembling a mixtape. Of songs about being alone, in space, weightless. Hence the jettison metaphor. Really, they're better off now.
It's a bit unsettling in its unfamiliarity. I think I've been getting into dating so heavily so as to give myself a goal, an aim. Something to shoot for. A motivation. But maybe I just need to drift, alone with my thoughts, for awhile?
I have a big pile of "important stuff I may need someday" in a pile by the door for Salvation Army; I'll *know* it's a thing I like about myself today when it gets into the pickup and delivered to the Sally ...
I spent quality friend time yesterday with someone I have decided to forgive. (She didn't wrong me but did something I deeply disapprove of.) Now I'm basking in self-congratulation.
Okay, I'm going with a compliment my sister paid me. We were talking about our childhood and I made a connection between [recurring emotional childhood event] and [personality trait common to me and my siblings].
She blinked and said, "It takes me months, sometimes years, of therapy to see the things --- about our childhood, about relationships, about self-esteem --- that you casually drop into conversation. You really SEE THE STUFF."
Have also decided that it's a gift that my face generally does not conceal whatever I'm thinking and feeling at the moment. Considered this a weakness for so long and am glad to be over that thought process.
I have been annoyed with someone for quite awhile and today I somehow let it go. I decided that she is doing the best she can with a difficult situation and that I can't hold her to the standards I have for myself. I want to have a good relationship with her so I just shook off the bad stuff and started looking at the good stuff. There's plenty there.
I'm feeling quite virtuous about my decision to make my dog's food. She's always eaten top notch commercially produced dog food because of severe allergies, but once we got back to Brazil, I realized I had all the tools available to me (i.e. cheap protein sources) to make it myself. And so I have - her coat has never looked shinier, her eyes are bright, she has tons of energy and she loves her food. Plus, her farts don't smell so bad anymore.
So that's what I am feeling good about. I am directly responsible for my dog's ass smelling a little less these days. GO ME!
I have been putting in a lot of time for and with family and other people recently, so I feel kind of selfless for that (even though I can't wait until I can finally just have a weekend at home).