MetaChat - Morning mini-rant:

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18 October 2011

Morning mini-rant: It seems to me that if you write an article about parenting and keep talking about how "fathers" can help "mothers," and link that article to a page on your website titled "Help for Fathers," it's great that you see parenting in mixed-gender partnerships as a team sport BUT you really can't claim -- in a footnote! -- that you "acknowledge the diversity of families" because you suggest that "at any point ‘partner’ and ‘she’ can be substituted" for "father" and "he." →[More:]

Either write the thing as gender neutral or don't, but relegating same-sex partners to a footnote and asking them to do the writing work you should have done does not really show a great deal of commitment to acknowledging that not all families fit a single mold.

Especially since it's written by a licensed social worker (who should know better) and directed at mothers with post-partum depression (who already feel isolated and and misunderstood).

Bah, I say.

post by: occhiblu at: 11:19 | 12 comments

Hear, hear!

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 18 October | 12:01

Given the level of writing in the general work force, sometimes you should be glad when anything gets written at all. I know we MetaVersers pride ourselves on our excellent grammar, spelling and punctuation; we have for years. However, not everyone has honed their writing skills to our level. Gender-neutral writing is difficult even for us, and we have debated transgender issues with passion. Perhaps extend this blogger the benefit of the doubt.

posted by Ardiril 18 October | 13:17

I'm just glad that Tide has started running commercials in which the dad does laundry and it isn't a bumbling-crazy sight. Because that's what it looks like at my house! My husband does the laundry; my dad (at his own house) does the ironing.

posted by Madamina 18 October | 13:17

The writer describes herself as a "full-time advocate" for helping mothers with post-partum depression, though, and she's the the president of the advocacy organization as well as the primary blogger for its website. So it's not just a random blog or a secondary interest for her.

But I do agree that most people's writing is atrocious. I wish schools would focus more on those skills. (Well, and a bunch of other skills, too, really.)

posted by occhiblu 18 October | 13:29

20-year-old Doonesbury comic, recalled from memory:

(Joanie is bathing young Jeffrey, in bathroom)

Rick (entering): Hi! Can I help?

Joanie: No, you can't "help". "Help" implies that it's my primary responsibility, and that you're doing me a favor by offering. Go out and try again.

Rick (goes out and comes back in): Hi! Can I co-nurture?

Joanie: No. You always get the floor wet.

posted by Melismata 18 October | 15:16

Man, I get pissed off ALL the time about how fathers are still treated like second-class parents by a LARGE portion of the world I live in.

My daughters have been Irish Dancing for a couple years and I signed them up, it was my idea, I've paid for it...but every other week, my ex brings the girls of course, as we share custody.

The leader of the Irish Dancing troupe will ONLY email my ex, despite my asking to be included repeatedly. Pisses me off. Teachers will only email my ex at times as well. The general assumption seems to be that mothers are the "main" parent and fathers are "secondary".

It REALLY irks me. Especially when we're talking about EMAIL. How hard is it to include ANOTHER email address?

However, as a heterosexual, white, English-speaking man...I hate to complain about prejudice too much.

posted by richat 18 October | 15:23

(sorry, by the way, I DO realize that I'm piling on my own parental irritations, rather than addressing the rant you brought forth!)

posted by richat 18 October | 15:25

That Doonesbury reference sounds like an exact conversation that I had with my husband when our daughter was new, albeit with a different ending (I don't give a damn if the floor gets wet).

And that would irk me too, richat. It drives me crazy whenever parenting things are directed more to me than my husband.

posted by gaspode 18 October | 15:33

richat:
What we do is have one email address we both put down. It then forwards to both of us. It's lastname.parents@gmail.com

occhiblu - I wonder if an editor made her do it?

posted by lysdexic 18 October | 17:05

Man, I get pissed off ALL the time about how fathers are still treated like second-class parents by a LARGE portion of the world I live in.
Yeah, don't get me started - as a single (male) parent to a young girl, I used to get asked things like 'who buys her clothes for you' all the time.

Ardiril is right - gender-neutral writing is hard to do without destroying the flow of the writing, but that sort of thing is what separates people who are writers from people who write. If you are any kind of 'professional' writer, you have an obligation to go the extra distance so that your audience don't have to do the work of parsing what you really mean.

lysdexic, that's an awesome idea! We have the same problem.

posted by dg 18 October | 17:22

"at any point ‘partner’ and ‘she’ can be substituted" for "father" and "he."

I find this footnote particularly strange: "partner" describes a relationship with the other parent, while "father" describes a relationship with the child. I'm uncomfortable with that substitution.

posted by Hugh Janus 18 October | 18:42

lysdexic, that's SMRT. I gotta set that up!

And, thanks for sharing my pain, the lot of ya. It really is irksome. Totally not the end of the world, but it does help to demonstrate how old attitudes continue.

posted by richat 18 October | 20:07

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