Hard to do that in text, but I love you for asking.

Since I stopped medicating for depression, pretty much any well crafted work of art or entertainment can tear* me up, just for its simple beauty. This can be at once both wondrous and terrifying. I don't need nightmares, I live brainstorms.

* both teer and tare! heheh

What doesn't? For a person with an emotionally-charged job, EVERYTHING gets to me. I keep waiting to grow thicker skin so I don't blubber all the time, but I never seem to. And it's the little things that get me. The other day, I was telling my wife about this and I was telling her about the two guys in the seer-sucker suits and I just broke down. I recover quickly, usually, but I get one or two quick sobs out.

Or like yesterday: I was making a residential removal. The husband had died and I was talking to his wife about funeral arrangements. She was wanting to cremate, so I let her know that when I took him, it would be the last time she saw him, so did she need a few minutes? She stood there, and brushed his hair back off his brow. She held his hands for a moment. She stared at him for a while and then half-whispered, "You so, so ugly." You could tell that it was one of their little jokes and, man, that got me. I'm behind her sucking back the sniffles and she's having a quiet laugh with the last man she'll ever love. My life is full of moments like these.

ColdChef, I bet that actually makes people feel much more trusting and comfortable with you. Often when someone dies it seems that the world is so cold, nobody really cares.

Anyway, THAT teared me up, too.

I tear up at sappy scenes in movies. I used to end up blubbering at the end of every ER episode back in the days when I watched it on Must See TV every Thursday. I'd ask myself "Why do I do this to myself?" but every heartfelt utterance by a family member to a sick or dying person just tore me up.

I also tear up when praising people for something good or impressive they've done, or when people are talking about an intense life experience to do with loss or injustice or tough decisions. IT's occurred to me in the past that because I grew up in a properly emotionally muffled Irish-American family, it doesn't take much for emotion to overflow at any moment where an emotional, interpersonal truth is being shared.

It seems anything nowadays will trigger tears. I don't want to be cold, but something has to give.

Oh, I teared up just reading that too, ColdChef.

I'm far more likely to cry at happy things than sad things now (although obvs I do cry at sad things too... see above). I don't know why.

I lost it for a second watching this video of 14 year old Annika Tabovaradan pleading with Toronto City Hall not to close libraries a few days ago.

Just to give you some context, we have a giant douchebag of a Mayor here in Toronto who got elected by promising to cut a bunch of taxes and but not cut any services.
Well surprise surprise, you can imagine that now there is no money to pay for anything and City Hall has payed big cash for a firm to study how much the city could save by making various cuts (or "efficiencies" as the Mayor is calling them) to various services. On the table is the closing of libraries, eliminating crossing guards, cutting daycare, arts funding, snow removal, community centers, services for the elderly, etc. etc. and on and on.
So the Mayor decided to hold a "public forum" in which anyone could come and say their piece. When hundreds of people signed up, he cut each speaker's time down from 5 to 3 minutes each and said that the meeing would go non-stop until everyone had spoken, which turned the meeting into a 22-hour marathon and effectively eliminated many people who had jobs/kids from speaking.
City Hall was packed with people who waited all day for their turn and Annika finally got her turn at 2am and was one of the highlights of a gripping night.

This morning I carried a sick kid in my sidecar rig in the Knoxville Ride for Kids, a charity ride that benefits the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation. PBTFUS' mission is to extend the lives and improve the quality of life for kids with brain tumors via research funding and a scholarship fund.

I kept it together until the post-ride ceremony where they introduced six current and past pediatric brain tumor patients, aged seven through 19. The 19-year-old is in his second year of university (studying pre-med) and he is receiving PBTFUS scholarship money. He remarked that when PBTFUS founded in 1991, there was no scholarship fund because the kids didn't live long enough to need it.

That's when I lost it.

This happy story of a reunion made me tear up. I read a blog of videos of military family reunions, I tear up every day.

You people aren't helping.

I'm joking, of course. At least they're happy tears.

The Welcome Home Blog!

Good tears: On Friday, my boyfriend graduated from the police academy. Graduating recruits with a law enforcement type in their families could have that person present them with their certificate of graduation. One of his classmates had her husband, a fire marshall (I think) present her with her certificate. They saluted each other very officially, then smiled, then he kissed her on the cheek. Got to me even more than my SO's dad presenting him with his cert for some reason. Still makes me choke up thinking about it now.

Bad tears: Thinking about my mom and ALS, though I've managed to not think too hard about it for the moment.

I tear up at the endings of both the movies "Apollo 13" and "Schindler's List", which I watch once or twice a year.

I also tear up when my co-workers gripe about little things in their marriages, like their husband leaving their socks on the floor or their kid not being able to decide which honors class to take. If I ever have a husband, he is welcome to leave his socks on the floor.

[mumble] the ending of Harry Potter [mumble]

TPS reminded me of this potent tearjerker: Dogs greet soldiers returning home.

The local 7-day forecast. Highs of at least 106 through Sunday? Fuck you, Summer. Die! Die!

More seriously? this (warning, pictures of emaciated and neglected puppy. Happy ending, though).

In a sad way: the euthanasia we had at the clinic last Saturday where the family - which included at least 15 people from three generations - spent the better part of two hours saying good-bye. That one. Just...ugh.

I made a list for my therapist, and one of them is getting into a verbal fight with someone over something that's very personal to me. At one point three of those things were related to the last job I had and once I was fired, those three things went away.

I went to see Bon Iver two Saturdays ago. Basically, every single song was written while Justin Vernon holed up in a winter cabin ruminating over a breakup. They're ridiculously emotional, especially with his voice, but usually you can hold it together because the lyrics are fairly impenetrable -- chosen just for sonority.

They got to the last song before the encore and it was this song called "The Wolves" where the whole 2000+ audience was supposed to sing the words "What might have been lost" over and over. Then Justin said, "When you get to this part, you just scream, okay?"

The stacks got louder and louder as we all sang, but somehow we still stayed above this wall of sound. Then we got to the screaming, and you could tell that every single person there had either been in unrequited love or had a bad breakup. It was just CATHARSIS, WHOAAAAAAAAAAA.

And then they did the first encore of "Skinny Love" which was just him and his guitar and ALSO super emotionally focused, and I just LOST IT. I had absolutely nothing left.

It was, like, amazing, dude.

Holy crap ColdChef, after a particularly harrowing argument with the husband *all this freaking morning* that story made me close my office door and ball for a minute.

I was a crybaby kid, but in my 20s, sort of became tough for a while and not a f*ck was given. Now, in my latter 30s I'm back to being mush all the freaking time... even over stuff I make up in my head.

I seriously need medication I think sometimes.

ahh! i freakign can't stop. i desperately need ≡ Click to see image ≡at this moment.

or err... ≡ Click to see image ≡.

ahh forget it, doesn't work.

The Mousie Heaven board at the Fun Mouse Forum...

eatdonuts: I see a dancing man gif, is that what you were going for there?

after a particularly harrowing argument with the husband *all this freaking morning* that story made me close my office door and ball for a minute.

I'm assuming you meant "bawl" or that story has quite a different meaning (and may explain the fights with your husband.)

Yes chococat, still kind of lost my crap because of it. I love my spouse, seriously he's the love of my life but sometimes he finds things difficult that you know, normal people should have a grasp on and it leaves me ... completely flummoxed. I'm sure this is true of myself and other folks with partners on the board but it's a constant source of overwhelmimg killers that I seem to have to deal with every two weeks when you think... you know, one discussion about something should be enough for two grown adults.

oh, duh... just got the ball and bawl issue.. heh.

The thought of losing my husband.

oh, duh... just got the ball and bawl issue..


Don't worry it was a stupid joke.

Yes, fighting sucks. I try to avoid it whenever possible because I always lose.
My wife is smarter than I and I can't seem to patch together a coherent argument when I'm upset about something, so her sharp logic leaves me scrambling for responses and I end up sounding like a jerk and getting madder because I've passed the point of backing down.

I stopped going to the Quaker Parrot forums because of all the posts about deceased birdies. I can not take that, in the least.