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Oh, that's a long time. I haven't seen a doctor in ten years, but I go to the dentist twice a year. Of course, I have the best dentist in the world. He's the only dentist I've ever had, and when he retires I'll stop going altogether, as I don't need some inferior quack fucking around with my choppers.
My horrifying realization is along the lines of "Oh man, I can look forward to 30 more years of this shit? Probably not."
I'm with you sperose -- I haven't had dental coverage since I graduated from college -- 9 years ago. *sigh*
My horrifying realization (also health-care related) is that if my husband gets this job he just applied for, we will be like $100 over the monthly income guidelines for our state's medicaid program. And insurance is NOT optional at this point -- he is right at this very moment sitting in a chair at the cancer center receiving chemotherapy for lymphoma. Fuckity fucking fuck. That job better have an awesome insurance program. Please dear lord, let it be so.
For years, my partner has listened to this show called Blues Before Sunrise, and they have, like, two sponsors. Including this place called Rose's, aka "Chicago's Friendliest Blues Lounge." So we started joking whenever we went to Chicago: "Where are we going -- I know! Rose's! Chicago's friendliest blues lounge?" or "I know where we should have so-and-so's birthday: Rose's! Chicago's Friendliest Blues Lounge!"
Except... it's Rosa's, with an A. My in-joke has been wrong this whole time, and my partner knew it.
(Yes, this is what passes for horrifying these days, as I'm trying very hard not to think of anything truly bad.)
I honestly can't remember how long it's been since I went to the dentist. I'm thinking it has to have been at least six or seven years, because my parents paid for a cleaning not long after I moved to NYC.
And I know I really need to go again and talk to someone about my gums because of something very gross that I don't want to say but let's just say I have something in common with The Simpsons character Bleeding Gums Murphy except that I don't play the saxamaphone and I'm not black.
I was just yesterday looking into making an appointment for my first dental cleaning in probably 3 years. Stynx needs one, too; for him it's probably been closer to 7 or 8 years, at least.
We took our tax refund this year and spent a chunk of it on dentist visits for the whole family. I, myself, hadn't been in at least four years. No insurance, and a very reduced income makes a dentist visit unaffordable. You'd think the dental community would get a clue and adjust their pricing. Instead, they just push 3rd-party credit cards.
Anyway...My horrifying realization? That I could easily live another 30 or 40 years. Seriously.
The one health related thing I have going for me is my teeth. I rarely went as a kid - no money and no insurance, or as a young adult - no money and no insurance. I had a couple years of regular dentist appointments and then went without for the seven years before the mister and I got married. My current hygienist says that my teeth are the teeth of someone 20 years younger; that most people have had something done to every tooth. Genes are a funny thing.
As for horrifying, I'm taking a leaf out of Madamina's book and trying to not think of anything very bad.
I'm going to talk about my teeth by way of saying I don't want to talk about my teeth.
My horrifying realization is that, yes, I do need to work twice as hard and be twice as disciplined in order to keep weight off in my 30s. Shortcuts fail, denial fails, everything fails but hard work and withholding. Damn it.
Horrifyingly, I go to the dentist all the time and more and yet my teeth aren't in great shape and are costing me a great deal. (This, even though I get FREE cleanings 4 times a year.
I'm right now going through a horrible time where I'm realizing that I'll never have children. (I'm 42.) Or even a husband, at the rate I'm going. Two and a half boyfriends in 20 years--I'm kidding myself if I think that all of a sudden the guys will start lining up. (If anything, it's getting worse--the only online contacts I get are from 75 year old men, or from the occasional artist who wants someone to support him). Ever since I was a 6-year-old I've always wanted that oh-so-typical family with the mommy and the daddy, and I'm having a really hard time these days trying to rewire my brain to want something different.
So, for the time being I'm a bitter spinster, and I apologize in advance for all the snippy comments I'm probably going to make in the future.
I'm right now going through a horrible time where I'm realizing that I'll never have children. (I'm 42.)
Yup, this is mine, too. In some sense, it's not a new realization; I've sorta-kinda known it for a couple of years. But every time I let myself think about it, the wound is fresh and raw. It's a big hole in my life that is probably never going to get filled.
I soothe myself with this thought: I don't care at all about getting pregnant; in fact, I'd prefer to adopt or foster a kid who needs us as much as we want him or her. Maybe someday we'll be in a position to do that. But we aren't now and I can't foresee any way we're going to be, so that's more a daydream than a plan.
I can't really talk (or write) about it without crying, so I'm going to stop now.
Well, there's one good thing about not going to the dentist for many years, which I learned last year (hint, hint): the technology changes SO MUCH for the better. That includes being able to listen to iTunes instead of the crappy lite radio station; I will forever be grateful that my dentist is able to take Jack Johnson out of rotation when I am undergoing a procedure.
I know I've related these things over and over, but they are two parts to what makes my dentist's office a place I actually look forward to visiting... four times a year now :P
I have no horrible realizations left, I have come to the conclusion that nothing really matters (am I quoting Bohemian Rhapsody?!?) and am not sure if that means I am at peace with myself or just getting deeper into my already-diagnosed Depression. The only sign that it may not be Depression is that I am actually enjoying watching the world go to Hell in a Handbasket from an almost-safe distance.
Back atcha, Melismata! I am not going to go into this in any depth because, y'know, crying, but I get it.
The dental horror loomed pretty large in my mind until this spring when I fiiiiiiinally had oral surgery on the gaping black hole that had once been a wisdom tooth. I wasted so much needless time and energy fretting about it: the actual procedure was no big deal and not nearly as expensive as I expected. As Madamina points out, the technology really is pretty wonderful and the dental profession as a whole seems much more sensitive about patients' anxiety and/or pain tolerance.
Yeah, I had a root canal last year and I was all like "this is it? this is the procedure that is the gold standard of pain for so many people?" It was... eh, I've had enthusiastic massage therapists who have inflicted more pain than the root canal specialist.
My horrible realisation is that, at 52, my life is more than half-over. And I don't feel as if I've even started living yet.
I've never wanted children, but apart from that, I'm with you, Melismata. I don't know if I could stand to have someone else actually living with me, unless we had a big house with lots of space, and certainly not in my home because it's too small, but I really miss having someone in my life. (But I have a second date tomorrow with the nice guy I had a great date with two weeks back.)
I hadn't been to the dentist in years and when I finally did, it was fairly horrendous - particularly as I'm terrified of the dentist anyway. All I needed was a major clean, but it had to be done over several sessions, with massive mouth-numbing (and the last time, the numbing didn't take, despite me having the maximum amount of novocaine. It was horrendous.)
Since then, I've been diligent about going twice a year, and I've only ever needed work from the hygienist, nothing more, just a quick check-up from the dentist. I'm nowhere near as scared either.
In trying to be a healthy, responsible adult, I have come to horrifying realizations about the not-actually-good-for-you properties of many foods. Bagel, cream cheese and orange juice =/= a perfect breakfast? But they look so good together riding off into the sunrise of every breakfast commercial!
I have had the horrible realization that *everything* I learned in college about video and television production is as obsolete as buggy whip manufacturing. And is now being done by kids. ON THEIR PHONES.
I have had the horrible realization that *everything* I learned in college about video and television production is as obsolete as buggy whip manufacturing. And is now being done by kids. ON THEIR PHONES.
I hear that. I see what people younger than me are producing and they're getting sponsorships and I get so bitter and mad that I "wasted" years in college getting an English degree and then I wasted some more years after that trying to pay off debts. Okay, so I know how to edit sound files and a few tricks in Photoshop here/there. Big deal. I need way more than that (and the time, and the money) to do anything that I really want to do.
All my horrifying realizations have to do with my age (over 50) and my husband's (late 50s.) That my husband was diagnosed with diabetes earlier this year drove them home. I never thought this aging thing would happen to us! Quel horreur!
I had the no child realization awhile ago. I haven't completely given up on adoption but I know it is very, very unlikely my husband would ever be willing, and we really are getting too old to seriously consider it.
I've been denying the whole ageing thing forever but, this year in which I turn 50 (in a couple of weeks, gulp!) I realise that I'm not young any more and there are so many things that I simply won't get to do that I wish I had done when I was younger. Also, like Senyar, I'll have to work into my 70s before I can afford to retire and even then I doubt that I can afford to live anywhere above the bread-line. It's my own fault - I always thought there was plenty of time to plan for all that and now it's too late.
What makes me mad, dg, is that I did plan for retirement, paid into Equitable Life for years and it all disappeared because mine wasn't a guaranteed fund (they'd stopped selling those years before I ever took out my pension with them). I have another pension fund now, through my employers, but it's costing me a bundle each month, I'm paying in as much as I can afford in the hope I'll be able to have enough to live on by the time I retire.
Yeah, it makes it worse when you've done everything right and someone else has screwed up on your behalf. Quite a few people where I work have been badly impacted by the share market woes of recent years, because their superannuation funds are based on shares and their potential earnings dropped so dramatically that lots of them have had to put off retirement for many years.
This thread is making me squirm a bit - I know my own horrifying realizations, and don't really want to see them written out. The worst one is knowing I will most likely never be in another relationship. I'm 50 and don't want to be dating right now (for various reasons), but I may never want to again, and that makes the odds pretty small.
*everything* I learned in college about video and television production is as obsolete as buggy whip manufacturing. And is now being done by kids. ON THEIR PHONES.
Oh, this whole process is amazing to me: watching tech flit past me in the timestream, the old ones degrading practically before my eyes and the new appearing like fresh-sprung butterflies I hardly dare to capture in my hands.
Tonight, I played a videotape for my nephews, who were boggled by the idea of "rewinding." In digital format, "rewind" means "move the marker back instantly" or at the most "hit the back button." They wondered why it took FOUR WHOLE MINUTES to rewind "Follow That Bird."
You know, I know it's a bit of a derail, but like a couple of people above, I was thinking about how much I've learned that has gone to waste in my life, and then I realized, there are at least two things that I'm really, really good at. I mean world-class good.
I am a great clapper. If I'm in your audience, I will make everybody around me clap more. You know how some people have infectious laughs? I have an infectious clap.
(PLEASE DON'T REMOVE THE "AN". --THANKS, the Mgt.)
I'm also quite good at knocking on doors. It takes good ears and a subtle touch to do it well; most people don't think much about how they summon whoever is behind the door, but I've given it a lot of consideration and have dozens of different knocks in my arsenal.
I know this thread is probably dying and no one will read this, but anyway:
It's not too late at 50-ish to have enough to retire at 65-ish; that's what my mum did. She started working at a now-defunct S&L in her mid 40s. She had the max taken out of her paycheck for her 401k. In her mid 50s she was given the choice to quit or move to Texas from California (slightly more money and lower cost of living really made it worthwhile). She bought a house (first house she owned) way under market value because she was renting it, the owner liked her and wanted to sell the house to her. When she sold that house and moved to Washington she made a nice deal on it and was able to purchase the last home she'll ever live in. She's getting frailer by the day (she's 71 this year), but she was smart and bought a house that will accommodate that. Not long before she retired she was given some stock options that really helped with all of this. I know a lot of luck and being in the right place at the right time had a lot to do with it; so did her inborn frugality. But for a single woman with five kids to raise, having spent time on welfare and medicaid, mostly bartending in run-down bars while those kids were growing up and who thought she never would be able to retire, she did pretty good.
And just so you know that I'm not going all Pollyanna on you all - I could go on and on and on about the mister's tale of woe, but I'll keep it short.
He was someone who was set to retire at 55 cannot now do so thanks to a perfect storm of divorce, dotcom/IT bust and bankruptcy will not be able to retire until he's 70 or so. Unless, of course, he has to go on disability due to the heart issues he's been dealing with the last two years.
Yes, I read it, Deborah. I'm lucky that I have a manageable mortgage and a decent income, and a home in a good neighbourhood (despite the saga of the idiot upstairs). There's enough equity in the property that, if it came to it, I could sell up and move somewhere even smaller and cheaper if I needed to raise capital to live on in my old age.
Yeah, I have to say it's good to know there's a place where I can say "here's this thing, it scares the hell out of me and makes me cry" and not feel too inappropriately downer-y.
(Also, it's good to have the choice to stop there: I mentioned my "here's this thing" to my sister, and she just wouldn't stop even though I'd clearly I indicated NO NO NO DON'T WANT TO TALK IT THROUGH, WILL SOB, DO NOT WANT. I hated that and I'm unlikely to discuss it.)
This was better.
I also like that there's so much overlap between various people's horrifying realizations (and believe me, my teeth were A Horrifying Realization for me riiiiight up until I had the flabbergastingly easy procedures performed), but that they fall in such wildly different categories.
deborah, thanks for that encouraging story. It does give me hope!
I've never had a mammogram. I'm 38. When do they start doing mammograms in the USA? 40 I think, If you have family history, of course, earlier. My maternal grandmother has breast cancer.
I haven't had a skin check in over a decade. I live in Florida, wear sunscreen, but do not reapply enough and I am constantly in the sun -- biking, kayaking, beach, pool, etc. I've been to derm since then but only to address folliculitis.
I have a dermatologist appt. the second week of August. Yay!
I also have annual physical with NP the first week of August but she does not do pelvic exam or write Rx for mammogram. I need to find a new GYN doc because the one I have seen since I was 16 doesn't take my new insurance.
I take excellent care of the teeth. The teeth are good.
I've become addicted to the Young and the Restless. I used to be a big Guiding Light fan (my mom and I literally watched generations of characters), but it went off the air (I never did see how it all ended -- did Josh and Reeva end up back together? It never did sit well that he was with her sister). The Y & R interest will probably fade when I go back to work in the fall. I really didn't mean to get into another soap. They're a big commitment.
LoriFLA, don't feel bad. I will be 45 in two weeks and I've never had a mammogram, either. I haven't been to my gynocologist in four years, either. Life got in the way (or so I tell myself). The dentist is another story, too. I don't know why I have this fear of going to the doctors..I do if I feel really sick, so I don't know why I don't do it for health maintenance. Aaarrgghh. I need to make this a priority. I just don't put myself first, I don't know why.
I'm also waaaay overdue to the dentist - no real great excuse except moving, commuting, and letting it slide. I really, really need to make an appointment. Nothing is wrong but hey, I want my teeth cleaned. Oddly, the aggressiveness with which dentists shame you for not going regularly is almost a disincentive to going - I know that first appointment after 2 years is going to be a long lecture about regular cleaning...
I have a mammogram order on my desk which I was supposed to have done a year ago. Again, I'm being lazy about it - seems like a hassle to schedule and non-enjoyable.
On the plus side, my GYN is always up-to-date. I have to worry about reproductive cancers in my family line, much more than breast cancers, so that I never skip.
I see the dentist once a year because that's what i can afford. So far the teeth are holding out despite the fact I should floss more. It seems flossing at all gives me a leg up.
I'm turning forty this year and I have to accept that if I wanted kids I'd probably have them already. I'm not ruling them out but it would take a lot to make me ready for children and I have never had that drive to have them, that undeniable need for children. I'd like to have someone special in my life but I'm not trying too hard to look for that someone, I have to admit. I think if i were serious I'd be putting a lot more effort in in that area.
As far as horrifying, lots of things are horrifying. I'm grateful to not have to collect clean water on a daily basis and that magical machines clean things and shampoo will clean my hair. Something catastrophic can happen at any moment, and just as likely, something miraculous and life changing could occur.
Life is hard right now, but it could change in a second, for better or for worse. All I can manage is a cautious optimism and to grasp at any possible happiness I can muster, but i'd do about anything for a full fledged spiritual experience about now.
I'm happy for a glass and a half of wine, really.
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