MetaChat - okay, I have decided that online dating is just degrading.

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26 May 2011

okay, I have decided that online dating is just degrading. that whole "write to a bunch of people on the vague off chance that they'd reply in a day or two" is just absurd→[More:]

I have committed substantial cerebral resources to the matter and I have decided that the alternative is to... go outside. SCARY. I shall start hitting up all the events I get emailed about and report back in a few months about whether that helped any. lol

post by: Firas at: 16:40 | 21 comments

Wait, going outside?

Fuck that, outside is scary.

posted by sperose 26 May | 17:08

I am not a huge proponent of online dating, however, I have met recently a really cool guy from one who happens to be sitting to my left right now. So I guess I can't slam it too much because he is awesome.

Now he's sitting to my right. He's having too much fun with office chairs. I think perhaps a tickle is coming next.......

posted by WolfDaddy 26 May | 17:09

I joined eharmony about 6 weeks ago and have had two dates. Only one man has contacted me first (the guy I had the first date with). I've sent a bunch of intro emails to people and, except for the guy I had the second date with and one other guy (who had an issue with me being a non-drinker), nobody else has had the courtesy to reply.

I've also joined a few meetup.com groups but have yet to go to something, largely because I've got a full calendar for the next few weeks and the things the groups have planned clash with other things I'm doing. But yes, I think I'll stand more chance of meeting someone in the real, not virtual, world.

posted by Senyar 26 May | 17:14

yeah Senyar it's just one of those things where the asynchronous nature of the thing turned me off all of a sudden. The other thing is that cause of where I'm at there's not really a lot of people on these sites and craigslist is irrelevant etc. so it's slim pickings anyway

I'm also a lot more comfortable interacting socially directly than I used to be in a past life so I think that's part of it too, like I'd rather just have someone be interacting with me in person and be clearly uninterested in pursuing more friendship/intimacy/whatever rather than this whole 'proxy your communication via email/im/etc.' thing. Just the physical components of active interaction are more important to me now

posted by Firas 26 May | 17:27

Count me as another one turned off by online dating. I joined OKCupid last year and went out with about a dozen guys, all of whom I had more than a 85 % match percentage with. None of these went past the third date -- either they weren't into me, I wasn't into them or it was just a sort of mutual meh. And now I met my current boyfriend about a month ago via some completely random trivia-related event that he organized, so score 1 for real life.

posted by peacheater 26 May | 17:51

Aw, Wolfdaddy, that's so cute...

posted by matildaben 26 May | 18:00

It worked for me but that was over a decade ago before all of the 85% match stuff. I have no idea if my (now) wife and I would have been matched up by any algorithm.

posted by octothorpe 26 May | 18:39

It blows. I gave it up.

posted by JanetLand 26 May | 19:16

What JanetLand said.

Except that a few friends of mine are having success with it, so who knows.

posted by Melismata 26 May | 19:36

I actually have had a couple of successes with the "strictly platonic" on Craigslist.

One was a couch surfer who seemed like she'd match "the Domes," so I sent her there. She later asked if I knew of a music venue, which I didn't, but then later we needed a musician at exactly when she would be passing through town again, and she came and played and was great!

The other was when I first moved to town, I posted an ad looking for a climbing partner. Found a climbing partner. Four years later, we're still good friends who go do things together occasionally.

Conclusion: I have good luck.

posted by aniola 26 May | 19:40

I actually know several couples who met, married and had critters (naturally or adopted) after meeting through online dating sites. I get what you're saying, but I wouldn't give it up entirely... I believe the statistic that 1 in 5 relationships starts online. 20% ain't nothing to sneeze at.

posted by msali 26 May | 20:14

I met my current girlfriend off of Plentyoffish, and we've been together for 6 months. I have a friend who's been on dating sites for the last 5 years, and has only gotten two short term girlfriends out of it.

It really is a matter of luck most of the time. Whether you go the real life or online dating route, the main thing is to be exposed to as many different people possible.

posted by reenum 26 May | 20:25

Online dating is great: you know that the people on there are available. The whole prospect of the possibility of intimacy gives dates a frisson that's interesting even when the mehness of the pairing quickly emerges.
And you can select for the basic attributes that you think are really important in a way that is hard in real life. 6'+, phd, being able to talk about science and culture, upper middle class,... etc And then just go on a date every week.
Even if it hasn't worked out so far I've met a lot of kind interesting women and learned about music, films, activities I'd never known unless I met them.

posted by jouke 27 May | 02:16

And then just go on a date every week.

You see, this is the part that's not working for me. How do I go on dates when people don't even reply to my messages?

posted by Senyar 27 May | 02:18

Hey, who made that comment?
Has moustacheless jouke been using my computer again when I'm off to get a cup of coffee?
(he's my good twin)

posted by jouke 27 May | 02:19

Ha Senyar, I added a comment to point out the snark. But you were too quick.
It hasn't really been that much fun for me. And no statement in that comment is totally correct.
But I do think that online dating could be much more fun than my experiences are.

posted by jouke 27 May | 02:22

[sends jouke a kingsized bowl of frisson.]

posted by JanetLand 27 May | 06:22

I met my wife on Prodigy back in the stone age. We talked online and then on the phone for over a year before we actually met face to face. She eventually moved to NYC to be with me. We've been together for over 15 years, though only recently married. But it wasn't on line dating, per se. We were in a chat room trying to convince a third party not to commit suicide. He didn't. We hit it off.

I'm not joking.

posted by Splunge 27 May | 13:18

I know plenty of people for whom it's worked out really well, but it isn't right for me.

I didn't have horrible experiences; it's just that dates with strangers weren't working for me in any way whatsoever as social situations. I'd rather take my chances, tiny though they may be, on eventually meeting someone through friends and ordinary activities. And if no one turns up, that'll be all right too.

posted by tangerine 28 May | 02:12

Online dating, to do well, requires a huge investment of time networking in the site's forums and participating in the various polls, tests, and whatnot. Over the last few years, I just post the free profile under the username Ardiril and include a sentence along the lines, "I'm easy to find if you know where to search", iow Google "Ardiril". The few women who found me were just my type.

posted by Ardiril 28 May | 02:40

Splunge, that is a great story.

posted by theora55 28 May | 07:55

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