1. Feeling enormously lethargic and not like myself this week. Took a sick day yesterday because I simply couldn't get out of bed, and then slept until 1. And then took a nap from 4-7. And then couldn't sleep last night, so I feel even more tired today.

2. Buying a car tomorrow! Hooray! I'm looking forward to having a car that I don't think is trying to kill me.

3. I need to start running again. My foot has fixed itself (not a stress fracture, nyah.) and it might fix the tiredness from #1.

1. There were a series of rapes (different suspects) reported here over the last few weeks, and the police just announced that they're unable to gather enough evidence to pursue two of the cases. The victim-blaming was hideously and depressingly widespread before; now a bunch of idiots are jumping to the conclusion that the survivors must have been lying. I feel angry and hopeless, especially since I work every day with survivors and see how much this victim-blaming damages them. I really want to scream.

2. I severely abraded my cornea this weekend, which is not something I particularly recommend. The pain is gone, but my vision's still a bit blurry and reading is hard. I'm considering checking out some large-print books from the library, because I always have a book at hand and not being able to read anything is disorienting.

3. Get to try on my wedding dress on Friday! Yay!

1. FINALLY, finally finally finally, I finished my wedding site AND booked the park shelters for our second reception thingy. (Though I think I may have tempted fate by changing my Facebook userpic to Farewell Li'l Sebastian, because getting the deal sealed with the Iowa City Parks Department took two days and at least three people. Oy.)

2. Just when I was feeling triumphant about wedding stuff, and that my financial situation was good enough to warrant an expensive (but will-last-forever) pair of work-appropriate sandals, my rent check went through late and put me in the hole. My partner deposited it last week; the online image proves it. How long should this take at a major bank, for crying out loud?

3. Eating a croissant, I bit down on something gritty -- twice. I looked in a mirror but couldn't see anything, but now I'm convinced that my molar and/or sealant is cracked.

1. For the last 36 hours, I have been experiencing a deepening and very black emotion, nothing specific but I have lost most of my appetite. I thought it was due to one thing or another, but this morning I realized those were coming from the mood.
2. Last night I found an old friend on Facebook; her parents and my parents were, all four, friends in high school. We have known each other since her birth 3 years after mine.
3. A bird just flew into the window and Sookie fell off the bed.

1) I had beach time last week. It was delightful.

2) My back didn't keep me from doing any of the (admittedly, careful and low-key) outings we had (parks, museums, walking "downtown" in the tiny little town). I felt great the whole time.

3) Oops, apparently I got a little optimistic. I tweaked my back yesterday trying to do something pretty minimal. Drat.

1. Went to Ashland over the weekend. Looked up the old friend and roommate who I mentioned in a comment last week, who works as a costume maker for the Shakespeare Festival. She informed me that several years ago, Brent, the father of her (now adult) child, and someone I also lived with off and on in my 20's, had died several years ago. A huge shock. I have been flooded with memories ever since. Very entwined with these folks.

2. The iPod I have ordered has been in Memphis since May 18. Obviously lost, and Apple is hesitant to send out a new one. This is the first glitch I have ever had with Apple but it is very frustrating since the money is out of my account already and I do not have the iPod.

3. A weekend of chores and wine tasting ahead. . .not a bad thing, since we were gone last weekend. Memorial Day is when a lot of the wineries have open houses.

1. I am going to be laid off and am looking for a job.
2. If you can point me to an easy users guide for Linkedin, I'd appreciate it (they seem to have made some changes lately).

3. I just leared that there are companies that will send two people to meet you at one side of a big bridge, and one person will drive your car over, and the other follows to bring that driver back. In this case, the service is available 24 hours and costs $25. I also learned that the bridge staffers/coast guard types used to provide this service for free, for the phobic. Who'da thought it? Pretty cool!

1. Week 2 of the running group went well last night and tomorrow I'm meeting a few of the group so we can do the 'homework' we've been set - a run/walk session. I was more or less at the back of the group yesterday but by pacing myself, I was able to keep going, unlike some of the group who raced ahead (against the instructions we'd been given) and then found half-way through that they couldn't breathe.

2. My Kindle arrived today! I've set up a few books on it, but until I the case I ordered arrives I'm not taking it on the Underground. I'm still reading a paper book anyway.

3. I had a good working-at-home day today, I got tons done, and tonight is TV veg-out night, with Top Chef Just Desserts (which I know you had in the US ages ago, but I'm loving it), followed by The Apprentice.


Ardiril - did Sookie fall off the bed because of the bird or were the two events unrelated?

She had been sleeping and the bird woke her up.

1. Feeling so much better recently, music is starting to sound interesting again. Now to find something I can truly love instead of just tolerate.

2. It rains everyday. Normally I wouldn't mind so much but this means I can't paint outside as my new easel is probably not all weather. New door that is being put in might solve matters.

3. Now that I've finally posted a question on AskMe, I have a bunch more questions. I may be peppering metachat with everything from swimsuit recommendations to music requests.

Ardiril, has anything changed recently?

I hope to heck that "Farewell Li'l Sebastian" is not a Parks & Rec spoiler. =(

1. Work is starting to pick up. I've been here for over a month, so I guess my boss figures it's time I had more than one project to work on at a time. Time to demonstrate how competent I can be! New ADD meds, don't fail me now! Actually, I have no idea how to be competent, which is a big problem for me. Gotta make everything perfect. Christ, what an asshole.

2. I had a dream the other night about these parasitic mind-controlling worms infecting the people in my town (random small town, not NYC). It was pretty standard sci-fi fare, but it got me thinking about social means of persuasion. Nobody attacked me, but my friend kept saying I have to do it it's so great have I done it yet why haven't I done it. Never any explicit threats, just social pressure. To the point where I bought one (yeah, they were being sold in the general store--??!) and was carrying it around, writhing in a plastic bag, trying not to get bitten through the plastic by its venomous fangs. Which got me thinking about as good as I am about saying no in some circumstances (my college roommate wanted to hire me as a Professional Asshole because he had no sales resistance etc.), I'm really bad about standing up for myself in others. So I've taken care of two somewhat difficult conversations this week, and I think I'm doing a decent job of balancing being forthright with it being all about me.

3. Pursuant to #2, I've been drafting an e-mail since yesterday to my mom. I'm not going to try to convince her to attend my brother's wedding in Canada this fall, but I am going to tell her how her decision to honor her religious beliefs over her love for her family makes me feel. I understand why I've been wracked with grief about it, at least. The reason it reminds me of how I cried when my father died is that in the same sense, I'm losing not my mother but my mommy, you know, in the sense of the person who tucked you in at night and sang you lullabies and kissed your boo-boos and loved you unconditionally. Because if she's lost the capacity to love her sons unconditionally, then I don't know who she is anymore. It's not a "you're dead to me" kind of threat, it's just a lament. It's hard to get that across, though, so it's taking me several days (well, that and my absolute lack of any free time I shouldn't even be posting this arrrgh) to articulate just what I want to say. And then, once it's finished, I'm going to have to sit on it for at least a day before sending. But I hope she doesn't expect to be invited to my eventual wedding[s] (lol divorce) if she's the sort of person who's only coming because of the lucky accident of the gender of my partner. That, to me, smacks of betrayal. Like she wouldn't love me if I was born blind or with six fingers or something (don't worry, this is all going in the letter). So, yeah. That.

Dude, I'm getting myself a shirt made that says "Captain Bringdown." Another TPS Update post ensaddenated.

*whuffles for those who need them*

1. Pdoc upped my meds again (200mg Lamictal, 600mg Seroquel, 1mg Klonopin) and I'm starting to think that there might be something else going on because they are doing precisely fuckall. (Seriously, the Seroquel and Klonopin don't make me tired and I can drink heavily on them with no issues.) I've tried exercising, I've tried sunlight, I've tried meditation, I've had all the fancy blood tests (and started supplementing with Vitamin D because of that, which has been retested and is at a normal level) and I can still barely pry myself out of bed in the morning (7am) after going to sleep at 9pm. Maybe it's just due to the fact that I'm ready for my 2 weeks off (that I can't really call a vacation since I have things planned for more days than not), but goddamn, I am tired of this mopey shit.

2. In addition to #1, my going out in public thing has been getting worse, not better. I wanted to go to a Wicca class on Saturday and I specifically made plans to not be around people for a day beforehand so I might be less on edge and by around 3pm (when the class was at 7), my brain was just shrieking at me WHAT ARE YOU DOING I CAN'T DO THIS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING. Plus, I've been having more and more issues with being at work (and having to make random small talk with people while I'm trying to eat my lunch and there is a goddamn reason I take my lunch so late and it's because I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU PEOPLE) and even going to previous 'safe' places like the Post Office and the grocery store.

3. Wishing I had more income than I do. (Doesn't everyone?) I need to buy a new phone (but pops used the current family plan upgrade due to a disaster with his phone and a toilet, so I have to wait until September) because mine likes to turn off after about 3 hours, even with being on the charger all night. I'd just get a new battery, but it's time for a new phone (since mine is from 2006-2007). I need to get a new iTrip since mine has the cords starting to fray. And I need to save up for school and my hopeful backpacking trip and I'd like to try ballet class. And a pony. I could use one of those too not really. I'm going to try and apply for some jobs that I've seen, but I'm really afraid of it because that means planning for the future when I can barely see things a month ahead of me. The future is scary and unknown and I don't like it.

1. I had an uneventful day.

2. I worked. I might tape the last Oprah show that is airing in 10 minutes.

3. Soon I'm going to my inlaws for dinner and to swim in their pool

rainbaby, that's really interesting, I didn't know there were people who would do that for you (even for a fee). I have a few friends who are extremely bridge phobic (they would not do well in Portland), even just riding in a car. One of them said that they were concerned that they'd sneeze when driving and accidentally careen off the bridge. Predictably, a few months later (after many successful bridge crossings), I was driving them along the coast in Oregon and went over the bridge in Newport (a huge bridge) and sneezed (not on purpose). I felt terrible that it happened because I could see how much it freaked her out.

1. My icky medical tests came back and I do not currently have cancer, so this week is a week of celebration. I am more relieved than I can say, and I didn't realize how heavily it had been weighing on me.

2. Speaking of weighing, I've been exercising a lot, eating healthy, and drinking less but nonetheless I am weighing almost more than I ever have. I'm happy that this is not making me give up running, walking, hiking and weightlifting. My clothes are fitting slightly better but I still look pretty heavy right now. Here's hoping the higher metabolism eventually kicks in. I am definitely a person who has to regulate depression with exercise.

3. Job hunting like mad. A few nibbles but no interviews yet. I'm pretty worried about doing a technical interview - despite about a decade of programming experience, none of my interviews have required me to solve problems or talk code. I'm reviewing a few books but I wish I felt more confident about it. Part of me thinks maybe I should not be a programmer anymore but should head in a completely different direction. No idea what though.

1. Eid, you so need your birfday meetup. If I didn't has plans for the weekend, I think I'd hie myself down to NYC. You been doing chat? I could do with some chat, as I am also ensaddenated.

2. after 2 weeks of rain, fog, rain, clouds, rain and more freaking rain, today is brilliantly sunny! Yay, Sun!

3. listening to music at work helps.

I'm almost always in some form of chat (IRC, ICQ, AIM, gTalk, etc.).

My day totally blew. I, too, need Eide's karaoke birfday meetup. AND NOW IT'S SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER! AND GERMANY!

1. I had quite a nice day. I usually manage to have Wednesdays off, so I tend to run errands and watch a little television and go for a run. So that's what I did today. Also got my hair cut and it looks totally cute and will for at least another 24 hours or so, until I wash it.

2. Kid is still awake, in our normal dance. That bloody child just does not want to sleep. Unsurprising, really, given both of her parents like to stay up late as well. Am just going to have to suck it up and start waking her before 7.30, I think. Ergh, mornings.

3. Orioles just had an 8 run 4th inning. Huh.

Sil. . .waiting for biopsy results has to be an inner circle of hell. Been there. . .I was waiting, waiting and then on a Friday night went out to dinner and the call came at 7pm. Negative, which was great. . .I ordered extra alcohol. . .

1. Submitted a sketch for a local sketch comedy team.
2. Finished a perfume review for a perfume blog that asked me to start reviewing for them.
3. Got contacted by someone I've never met asking me to help them build a new media campaign for their recording studio, so I guess that's almost what I do for work now?

1. I really want some beach time. I asked two years ago and have yet to have any.
2. Slept most of the day because of no sleep yesterday.
3. Go Canucks!

1. Currently clawing my way out of a frickin frackin funk.

2. Thinking maybe I need a new career, or at least a change of venue.

3. Indication of how the week has gone: Yesterday I was driving behind a lane-straddling car that couldn't get up the courage to pass a couple of bikers. Tried to pass the car in my lane, but at the last second, the car swerved in front of me and cut me off. I was irritated and honked my horn. Then I saw that the couple of bikers were actually a line of about 10 bikers, and every one of the bikes had a sign attached that read "Ride of Silence."

1. Grindy sort of work day; not as productive as I needed it to be, either.

2. Denial led me to missing registration deadline for the summer semester. Guess I'm not taking any classes, which means I have no excuse to not attend work 40 hours a week. Still mentally debating whether or not that's a win.

3. I need a non-work-related hobby. Or a vacation. Or both.

1. I got my tickets to see George Clinton and P-Funk.

Oops, apparently I got a little optimistic. I tweaked my back yesterday trying to do something pretty minimal. Drat.

2. I tweaked mine by grooving to ten minutes of P-Funk first thing in the morning Wed., and had to spend most of the evening lying arrow-straight on the couch. Relevant quote from today: "Gee, I hope the concert is less than ten minutes long."

3. I am incorporating a ten-minute dance party into my physical therapy/work-out regimen: I have two weeks to build up my funk tolerance. I will not give up the funk. We need the funk. Gotta have the funk.

I think I saw Steve Buscemi today walking past my ice cream shop.

It is so slow I have sold less than ten ice creams.

Warren had to call the paramedics Tuesday while I was away in Glasgow because of uncontrollable shaking. Cancer can truly go fuck itself with goat feces.

I am really thinking kindly of everyone who's feeling down for one reason or another. There's a lot of bad-luck, unhappiness notes in this thread and I sincerely hope all of your lives improve.

How long should this take at a major bank, for crying out loud?

One of the reasons I left the major bank that rhymes with Bank of Smamerica was that they did this regularly. I am sure it's no coincidence, because every day they can hang onto a deposit is another day the funds count toward their total assets and can be deployed to generate the incremental computer-trading-driven earnings that make them rich and fat. Basta! I now have a little local bank that is incredibly prompt and, in fact, calls me on the phone when this kind of thing is about to happen so I can run in and make an emergency deposit.

I just leared that there are companies that will send two people to meet you at one side of a big bridge

I remember learning about that w/r/t the "Big Mac" bridge in Michigan. I swear I think I learned about it on the show Real People when I was a kid. They called it "Timid Motorist Assistance." That phrase has always recurred to me when I'm on a bridge and get nervous - I say to myself "Don't be a timid motorist!" (I worry about the sneezing thing too. I get irrationally scared on bridges sometimes - 'it's just another road, dammit, it's not like I drive off roads regularly' - and interestingly it's an exact bellwether of my general anxiety level. When I'm calm and fine I don't notice even being on a bridge except to admire the view. When I'm white-knuckling it and crouching down in the middle lane, I know my anxiety is too high!

1. My job is boring because the project is winding down and there's not much workto do.
2. I'm supposed to stay through the end of August but I am procrastinating getting my resume together.
3. Occhiblu is getting married! Congrats!