MetaChat - So There's This Family

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04 May 2011

So There's This Family . .in my town. Got to know them because their kids were in a lot of the activities around town that mine was (swimming, drama, etc.) →[More:]

The mom is a professor at U of O here. Oldest daughter finished Stanford in 3 years and is now in med school. Middle daughter is at Stanford now, and youngest daughter is a senior in high school and pretty much stars in all of the plays.

The guy is a urologist, apparently one of the best in town. 50, marathoner and distance biker, really nice person, and he committed suicide last week.

I know in my head that material success and achievement are not everything, but part of me is just agog that someone at this station in life would DO this!

The last time I talked to him was a few weeks ago in the shower at the gym, and we were updating one another on our kids. Very sad.

post by: danf at: 15:33 | 9 comments

That is sad. On top of whatever else was going on with him, I bet it is a lot of extra pressure to keep up the perfect appearance and lifestyle that his family seems to have had.

posted by rmless2 04 May | 15:44

I am so sorry to hear this danf. But, despite outside appearances, there was some torment or struggle going on inside that ultimately led him to do this. Despite his material success and the outward trappings of a successful life, no-one can know what goes on inside someone's head.

My ex-husband's nephew killed himself, aged 26. He had, it seemed, everything a young man could want - loving parents, a good home, friends, plenty of money, good looks, car, job ... yet one evening he came home, went up to his bedroom and hanged himself. His mother discovered him next day when he didn't get up for church. He left no note, no explanation, no reason why.

posted by Senyar 04 May | 15:45

As Senyar said - the outside is not always a good indication of what is going on inside. Perhaps even his perception stopped him from getting the help he needed.

posted by gomichild 04 May | 16:14

Oh, danf, I'm so sorry. It's hard to come to grips with this, I know, and a potent reminder that no matter what we see on the surface, many many of our fellows and friends are grappling with troubles we know nothing about.

I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself and your loved ones today.

posted by Elsa 04 May | 16:16

Yeah they are not "friends" but acquaintances. And I only found out about the means of death through someone who works at the gym and I sort of had to pry it out of her.

But we all, I think, place ourselves in hierarchies, and sometimes it is according to income, beauty, and perceived "success." This family seemed to have it all, in those areas. It has to be horrible for her and her daughters, right now.

posted by danf 04 May | 16:39

Danf, have been through this, I am so sorry you have to go through it too. For those of us left behind, suicide never really makes any seance. Perhaps that is the worst part of it all, for us. He and his family will be in my prayers.

posted by MonkeyButter 04 May | 17:45

Suicide is a such a black hole or singularity. There's probably no way to really make sense of it from the outside.

posted by octothorpe 04 May | 19:31

That is so sad. You never know.

posted by LoriFLA 04 May | 19:57

Gosh. Like LoriFLA said, you never know. Sometimes the facade is just so good, there's no clue what's inside.

posted by halonine 05 May | 17:49

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