I don't think it was inappropriate. I aspire to remember to do stuff like tell people when they do things that make me happy. I don't think enough people do that. It's possible that the mother was just genuinely surprised that someone would speak up like that?

Regardless. Not inappropriate IMO.

yeah whatever was going on in mom's head isn't related strictly to what you said. maybe 'favorite part of going' could have been too strong but eh.

Does not in any way seem inappropriate to me, given that you had been "properly" introduced (that is, you didn't just randomly interrupt a stranger's dinner).

Did the mother think you were hitting on her daughter, maybe? The only other thing I can think of is that the mother is embarrassed by the daughter's dancing, and either thought you were making fun of her or else was just shocked that you were not similarly embarrassed.

I wouldn't worry about it. You may have totally misread mom's reaction, and it may not have had anything at all to do with what you said.

Did the mother think you were hitting on her daughter, maybe?

Oh god, I hope not. That's worse than anything else I'd already come up with.

The only other thing I can think of is that the mother is embarrassed by the daughter's dancing, and either thought you were making fun of her...

I guess this is what I'm worried about -- which is why I was worried about coming off as condescending.

Ardiril is right, though, I shouldn't try to read in too much. I guess I just wanted a reality check.

By the way, I maybe should point out that I'm assuming the mother is an adopted mother, judging by the fact that they're of different races. So I'm thinking she has a very strong case of Mama Duck-itis. That makes me assume she has a certain level of (over?) protectiveness. That's why I'm worried I overstepped.

It's totally possible that the mother thought you overstepped and also that you did not actually overstep. She might have been reacting to her expectations of what you meant rather than what you actually said, and while it's kind to try not to trigger that sort of thing, it's not always possible.

What occhiblu says....3 might be uncomfortable with the way 1 dances, but 1 was very pleased by your compliment.

The only other thing I can think of is that the mother is embarrassed by the daughter's dancing, and either thought you were making fun of her...

I like occhiblu's take on this - that she might have found this embarrassing doesn't make it in any way wrong. That's all about her, not you or #1.

I suspect that, whatever else is going on, #3 needed a minute or two to process your (perfectly fine) remark, instinctively examining it for condescension or hidden meaning, because she's heard too many people speak condescendingly to or about her daughter. If she was waiting to see or hear the thing that made your remark fall in line with them, and then you never said it, she might need a minute to figure that out.

But maybe that just me being cynical and projecting my own experience of social chit-chat onto Person #3 in your scenario.

And it's true that her possible embarrassment doesn't mean you did anything wrong. I love the image that I get from your story: someone dancing with such joy is a really life-affirming sight!

Hey, whoa, upon rereading: occhiblu said what I meant, but in two sentences! Ahem.

I will go make coffee now.

What you said/did was fine in my book. Everyone above said why it's fine better than I can.

Did you try the soup?

I know of woman #1 from her dancing at the farmer's market, too. I also enjoy her dancing, but hadn't ever given it any conscious thought.

I'm glad you weighed in, aniola.

In thinking about this today, something occurred to me. I enjoy her dancing so much because it's so un-self-conscious, partly, but mostly because there's absolutely ZERO look-at-me factor. She just does it because she enjoys it. And I enjoy her enjoying it. If she were some drunk chick or sorority girl or mom trying to impress her balding husband, I'd roll my eyes and look away.

It's nice, though, to see pure unadulterated joy. It's a rare, special thing.

The only other thing I can think of is that the mother is embarrassed by the daughter's dancing, and ... was just shocked that you were not similarly embarrassed.

I think this is it. If mom has more... conventional... friends and is constantly having to explain daughter's disabilities and why she acts the way she was, she may not realize that people outside the family might find daughter's behavior normal, let alone enjoyable.

Is the joy unadulterated by the knowledge that she has an audience? (In which case, it could be paradoxical if you tell her that you appreciate her dancing?) It seems like that would be the difference between her and those other folks you listed. Personally, I am happy to watch anyone dance who is enjoying dance, no matter what is in their blood stream or whether they identify and find their community with a young, gender-oriented social group or are trying to impress an unimpressive-looking lover who they don't get to spend enough one-on-one time with 'cause they're busy raising kids.

Anyway, to answer your question, maybe it's that paradox of verbally appreciating unselfconsciousness that made woman #3 make a nameless expression. If I had been woman #3, I might have made an expression of slight confusion/distaste because I would have felt like something was off (even if the compliment was sincere which, me being me, I would assume), but maybe not recognized the paradox right off the bat. If I were woman #3, it wouldn't have bothered me past that split second and I would have forgotten all about it by now.

I do see the difference and I appreciate that you're appreciating her unselfconsciousness. I take joy in your joy, even if I can't relate to it, because I understand that different people appreciate different things (I don't like to eat peanut butter or any color of bell peppers) and I like it when people are finding their happy in the world.


Rereading your question, I see that she was staring at you with her nameless expression. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. Oufph.