I do not know how to flirt nicely or effectively or at all.

But I can rock Excel. How could Mr. Wonderful not notice this valuable trait and swoop me off my feets? Surely my grasp of software applications is sexxxxxayy. Or, have I gotten it wrong?

I don't really understand much of anything at all.

A lot of those terms are regional, cultural, or denomination. "Father" is strictly Catholic. "Priest and minister" are terms for anyone who's ordained. "Pastor", I think, is used more in evangelical denominations like the Pentacostals. "Minister" means you're definitely not Catholic. I think "preacher" is used more in the south, but am not sure.

I, a woman, am completely fashion-impaired (and not all that interested), and am planning on posting a question about a couple of outfits I have. I am also NOT a foodie, despite being surrounded by foodie peers and culture, I could eat macaroni and cheese every day and be thrilled.

Oh, and I have no idea who Lady Gaga is, I wouldn't recognize her picture.

I think all the titles that rmless2 refers to are similar, yet can be quite different depending on different denominations.

Lady Gaga is today's Madonna.

I don't know why some people have to denigrate what I call popcorn books and movies. Not everything has to be Pulitzer Prize or Academy Award level entertainment.

"Father" is also high-church Episcopalian.

Oh, and I don't understand why/when wearing pantyhose became a bad thing.

JanetLand, as far as I am concerned, wearing pantyhose has always been a Very Bad Thing - for me, personally.

What I don't understand, is why we can't just print more money and give it to poor people to buy things. My economist professor husband has patiently explained it over and over again, but I still don't get it.

I think "preacher" is used more in the south, but am not sure.

Anybody can be a preacher. You can preach, I can preach. The others mostly signify that you have a recognized leadership position in some church organization.

I don't understand why women's clothes have no pockets.

Msali, I think it's because we don't have enough actual valuable stuff, i.e. deposits of gold in Fort Knox, to back up the paper money.

True, Miko, but up here you never hear "I'm going to talk to the preacher," it's always talk to the minister, pastor, what have you.

Thank you so much for your last two comments, deborah! You made my day.

Miko, I base my pants on how deep the pockets are, because sometimes I just don't want to lug a purse, even a small one, around.

I'd like to know why people just can't be nice to one another. Is the Golden Rule so hard to follow?

Pastor isn't a title in Catholicism so much as an office. I'd never have called any of my priests "Pastor ____." But we had multiple priests at my church but only one pastor. The pastor, in Catholicism, is basically the priest in charge of your church (or Diocese).

I don't want to get a big bag of potting soil for my one little plant, but it needs more soil. Can I just grab dirt from anywhere outside and put that in the pot so my plant has room to grow? It's a regular, hardy mint plant. I don't think NYC soil would kill it. I know next to nothing about plants, but I want this one to survive.

we don't have enough actual valuable stuff, i.e. deposits of gold in Fort Knox, to back up the paper money.

Paper money isn't backed by anything other than "the full faith & credit of the US government." IOW, it is just a "symbolic mutually shared illusion." Money has value only because of its scarcity. If we just print more money, we decrease the value of all the existing money and create inflation.

That said, the quantitative easing that the Federal Reserve is currently pursuing is essentially printing money to stimulate the economy. It's just that since the federal reserve is made up of bankers, they give it to other bankers rather than poor people. Seems like we could buy a lot of vacant foreclosed houses and give them to homeless people for the $600 Billion that went to Goldman Sachs, so I don't really understand, either, Msali.

msali I kind of learned about stuff like inflation by listening to a TAL (or maybe planet money?) podcast a few months ago about how Brazilian inflation was (kinda) brought under control. I remember getting what they were talking about at the time, anyway.

I'll see if I can find it.

Money confuses me too.

My dad was a Methodist preacher and here's what I was taught:

Ministers = Aren't necessarily ordained although this is sometimes used to describe someone ordained. Most frequently it is used describe someone of the congregation who performs ministerial duties but is still a lay person.

Priest = someone who is an ordained leader in the Catholic, Orthodox, and some Anglican/Episcopalian congregations.

Father = what you call a priest, ie. "Father Bob" instead of "Priest Bob"

Pastor = used in almost all Protestant denominations including Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, Methodist, Episcopalian, evangelical non-denominational, etc. Baptist's even call their preacher's house the "pastorium" while Methodists call the preacher's house a "parsonage."

Reverend = what you call a pastor / preacher who is ordained but does not yet have a doctorate (he likely has an M. Div. or is just ordained according to the specifications of his sect), ie. "Reverend Jim"; You can also say "The Reverend" the way you can say "The Pastor" or "The Preacher" although you never say "The Father" unless you are talking about the invisible holy man in the sky.

Preacher = one who preaches; this can be someone who is ordained or not. The designation is entirely based on the act. A lay person can be a preacher, a pastor can be a preacher. A pastor who does not preach is more likely an associate pastor who does things like visit the sick and likely rarely preaches and so isn't frequently referred to as a preacher.

Bonus!

Chaplain = A chaplain is usually an ordained pastor or priest who is performing a specific duty such as manning a chapel that does not have a regular congregation (like in an airport) or living with an army troop. Chaplains are "pastors at large" so to speak.

My fess up:
I don't really understand the entire history of music in the last fifty years. Like, when people start talking about popular music at parties, I just have to smile and nod. I didn't learn who Pavement was until two years ago and I still don't really know who they are except that people get very opinionated about them and WHAT A HUGE INFLUENCE they were to a whole bunch of other bands I don't know.

So much I don't know! Thought I knew what ministers etc. were but find I have learned a lot in the past minute from Whimsicalnymph.

Also: I have huge gaps in my knowledge of TV and pop music.

I seem to have forgotten a lot of math.

My grasp of rivers and oceans is not what it should be. I sadly find that my best geographical knowledge is based on whether I've been there or there was a war there at some point.

I am clueless these days about college basketball and all hockey and most soccer.

I can't figure out how to decorate cookies at above a 4 year old level.

And I really don't understand electricity.

One small note: "The Reverend" is an adjectival honorific, like "The Honorable." It's sometimes used like a noun in casual speech, but formally it's not complete on its own. It's used with the name, e.g., The Reverend Firstname Lastname.

So much I don't know!

Oh, man, me too! A friend invited me to join his trivia team. Though I manage to acquit myself pretty well (largely because I have interests no other team members share), but I am AMAZED at the variety of stuff I don't know and can't even guess at.

I don't know anything. I don't even know what I don't know! Except that I've forgotten the names of those yellow, claw-like machines that dig up dirt at a construction site. I see them out the window when I go to the gym and I can never remember what they are called.

backhoes!

Or excavators, come to think of it.

A backhoe is a specific piece of equiment that has a loading bucket on one end and an excavator bucket on the other. They can generally be driven on the road. Kind of like a tractor with added bits.

An excavator is more special-purpose, can't be driven on the road (has tracks, not wheels) and they come in a bewildering array of sizes, from ultra-small ones that fit through a standard doorway to mammoth ones that need a police escort to move around.

I don't understand electricity either, but I know it's important to leave power outlets switched off when there's nothing plugged into them or the ergs leak out all over the floor.

I don't understand why there are zebras.

Oh, that helps. I definitely want to drive mine on the road. LOOK OUT EVERYBODY!

Wait, I confused this with the wanting-things thread. Oh, dear, I got my chocolate in your peanut butter!

They got backhoes and excavators! Now I know! I can yell at them out the window! HELLO 'HO! HELLO 'VATOR!

Thanks whimsicalnymph, that helps!

Thanks, whimsicalnymph, that was super clear.

Elsa, I've had similar experiences at trivia events. Now I get pretty comfortable saying "If it's X, Y, or Z subject, I'm pretty sure, but if it's A, B, or C, then no." I definitely am not to be relied upon in sports or business, for instance. A lot of people expect me to be their ace in the hole for the category "history" on a team, but in trivia settings, what I know about history is absolutely useless. Few questions are about social history, while lots are about "In his final decisive battle of the Phillipines War, this general was killed in action." Yeah, no.

Except that I've forgotten the names of those yellow, claw-like machines that dig up dirt at a construction site.

My godbrother called them "bite-dumps" when we were kids and as far as I'm concerned that's what they all are.

My music tastes are so woefully stale. When I read the random shuffle threads or lyrics-guessing threads around here I just feel ashamed. There are huge gaps in my knowledge; e.g. I thought Jethro Tull was a person, and a "friend" of mine corrected me and forever after would bring it up like a douche whenever I corrected him about something.

Jethro Tull was a person.

I don't understand how planes or the Internet work.

I don't know if this is *why* zebras, but true wild horses and donkeys have striping on them. The color is called "dun" and some domesticated/feral horses have dun coloration too. It's a lot more subtle (dark brown or black on, generally, light or dark brown) and minimal (sometimes just one stripe, sometimes one dark stripe and a few light stripes, but sometimes quite a few dark stripes).

Here's a site with some pics of domesticated horses with dun factor markings:
http://www.grullablue.com/colors/dun_factor_markings.htm

So striped equids aren't a strange thing; they're the normal thing. Black and white is a little more extreme than brown-on-brown, but it's still a reasonable extension of the stripey markings that other wild equids have.

Now I get pretty comfortable saying "If it's X, Y, or Z subject, I'm pretty sure, but if it's A, B, or C, then no."

Exactly: I'm very clear when I know know KNOW something, when I think it's right, or when it's a complete guess, and everything in between. Since we submit answers written down, not buzzed in, we have a minute or so to discuss each question among ourselves. It works well, and everyone gets to play to their strengths.

My godbrother called them "bite-dumps" when we were kids and as far as I'm concerned that's what they all are.

That's the perfect name for them!

I also don't know how to ice a cake without the icing getting crummy and full of bits of cake. How does a person make a smooth beautiful layer of icing? How?

Oh! OH! One of the things I actually know! I can help! It's called "crumb coating," and it makes frosting so much easier.

Start with a completely cool cake. Brush off any big crumbs, but don't worry too much about it. Put a small portion of frosting into a separate bowl and set aside the larger amount for later.

(Pros often eyeball the amount and glop it right onto the cake in a pile, then work from the pile. I think it is well worth dirtying a separate bowl, especially the first few times. If you need more frosting in the smaller bowl, scoop it out of the larger one with a clean utensil.)

With the small portion of frosting, you coat the entire cake in a thin layer of frosting. Don't worry if it isn't pretty, just try to get it fairly even and make sure that the entire cake is covered. This is your crumb coat.

Let the crumb coat dry and set. Some people chill the cake briefly to get it super-set.

Now you're ready to do the pretty frosting. The crumb coat is like a protective coating between crumbly cake and sticky frosting, or like a primer between the wall and the paint. (Mmm, paint!) Every so often I skip the crumb coat, and I always regret it.

Okay, here's a big one: I don't know how everyone keeps their homes so clean.

I don't mean tidy (though, oh my goodness, that would be swell, too). I mean clean. How do you keep your kitchen floors clean? How do you keep dust from accumulating on every surface?

Why do your houses always look so much better than mine, you freaks? I scrub down the kitchen counter and in a flash it's dirty again. And I can never get all the scum out of the tub. Yes, I DID just spend an interminable time scrubbing out the bathtub. And it still doesn't look clean.

Jethro Tull was a person.

You're on the right track, but more douchey.