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20 March 2011

Okay, so I know that hearing about other people's dreams is boring. I won't get into the details of mine, I'm just confounded by the "why" of it. Any thoughts?[More:]Over the last few years, I've had an occasionally recurring dream that I am still with my ex-boyfriend (we dated from when I was 18 until I was 24). I always feel unhappy and trapped in the dreams. That part I get; it's clearly anxiety about... whatever; that's not really important. I used to just wake up from it at some point.

Since I started dating my current beau, I've been having the same dream that I'm feeling trapped with the ex, but now at some point in the dream I remember the current SO and that I can go to him, and I feel freed and happy and I escape. But it's not like I feel so secure in real life with the current guy; in fact, I am very insecure about the relationship. So why would my subconscious have more confidence than my conscious mind? That seems really abnormal and counterintuitive. My subconscious has never been the reassuring sort. I've never had a recurring dream that wasn't based in anxiety, especially when the actual topic of the dream is something I'm anxious about.

I'm not looking for anyone to say, "This means it's meant to be!" I'm just wondering - do any of you have recurring dreams with happy, reassuring endings? Maybe it's not as odd as I think it is.
I have a recurring dream that usually shows up when things are rough. I'm holding a baby who's smiling up at me and everything is very peaceful and soothing, and then I realize that the baby is baby me! I thinks it's my subconscious saying that I'll be okay, and that in the end I'm still me.

Maybe your dream is more about getting over your ex than it is about your current boyfriend? Maybe you've resolved some of the issues that were lingering?
posted by punchtothehead 20 March | 11:12
Maybe I should add that I broke up with the ex 11 years ago, and never regretted it, though he is a good guy. Just not the guy for me.
posted by amro 20 March | 11:23
Forget about the plot and stick to the feelings. You have found an escape from that trapped feeling, which is symbolized by the ex, the escape being symbolized by the current SO. The dream symbols in both cases are synecdochal in that your old relationship wasn't only a trap--that was just one (emotional) aspect of it, etc.
posted by Obscure Reference 20 March | 13:02
This happens to me quite a lot too, amro. I'll have a dream that's attempting to work out current issues, either with the GF or tangential to her. But in the dream, the GF is my ex, or some faceless person much more like the ex than the GF.

How I explain this to myself is that my relationship with the ex was my first real long-term adult thing, so it was the formative one. I think that also made it the representative one in a lot of ways -- which is unfortunate, because it was a really crappy relationship. But, it's hard to explain that to the subconscious.

On a similar note, the house I grew up in is a regular player in my dreams, even though it's 7 states away. I think it's the same thing -- it's a symbol of the formative house for my life, so it comes back as a very simple representation of 'house.'

I'm not sure that made sense. I haven't been up long and haven't had enough coffee.
posted by mudpuppie 20 March | 13:05
I agree with Obscure Reference. This isn't a specific premonition or coded message about your actual current relationship. It's just a symbol that you have moved on to recognizing new possibilities in your interpersonal life.

I don't have any recurring dreams where the plot or setting is the same, but I dream about my long-lost best friend probably once a month or every other month. It's so odd - we've had no contact at all in about 15 years, but once a month she shows up in my dreams. We were very close friends during our growing up years and into our early 20s, but she chose a totally different life path involving pretty conservative born-again Christianity and left her entire earlier social circle behind, does not use social media, etc. In the dreams, she's always the way I remember her as a young woman in her early 20s, and I think she represents a side of myself or stands in for my essential self or something. It's funny because she represents in the dreams a sort of real independence, confidence and personal power, and yet she changed so much that I'm not sure I'd see her present-day persona that way. She had a fairly traumatic childhood and I think the stability of the Christian church she got involved in gave her a sense of security she really wanted. But a totally free and independent confidence and strength against the world was something she expressed very well and clearly at the earlier age when we were best friends, though.
posted by Miko 20 March | 13:44
Whatever it is, you don't have that trapped feeling with this guy that you did with the ex. It might be insecure, but it isn't suffocating you. Maybe it's about how much you've grown since the ex.
posted by ethylene 20 March | 19:40
Was that your longest relationship? If so, you may have been feeling that your chance for a long-term relationship was nil. Which can itself be a kind of trap. It's especially likely if some of your doubt about the breakup at that time included feeling like you'll never find someone again. So now, it's not so much about your current relationship, but that you feel you have escaped that feeling; even if this relationship doesn't work out, you're more confident you'll be able to find someone (and be ok with being on your own until you do).

So, congrats.
posted by Eideteker 20 March | 20:46
Was that your longest relationship? If so, you may have been feeling that your chance for a long-term relationship was nil.

Yes and yes.
posted by amro 20 March | 21:03
Wishing you all a Happy "colourful" Holi || A tweet by Stynxno led to this Google image search.

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