I'M ON VACATION ASSHOLES

ALL Y'ALL PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN BUGGING ME THE PAST WEEK AND A HALF CAN EAT MY DUST! WILL YOU MANAGE TO SURVIVE WITHOUT SOMEONE TO BOTHER FOR 3 WHOLE WORK DAYS? I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!!!!!!

WOOHOOO

I TOO DESPISE VOICE-DRIVEN MENU SYSTEMS! BACK WHEN I DID SHIPPING STUFF, I USED DHL'S PHONE NUMBER A LOT, AND COULD GET THROUGH THEIR MENU IN 30 SECONDS, UNTIL THEY SWITCHED TO VOICE-DRIVEN JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! AFTER THAT, IT TOOK MORE THAN TWICE AS LONG TO GET THROUGH!!!

BUT NOW I HAVE A REAL JOB THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE HAVING TO TALK TO THE CURSED SPAWN OF DEEP BLUE!!!!!

SHOUTY SHOUTNESS PART DEUX:

DEAR LEGAL INTERN. YOU ARE AN INTERN. YOU ARE IN OUR OFFICE TO LEARN STUFF, NOT MAKE SHIT DIFFICULT FOR YOURS TRULY. NOW AS YOU MAY RECALL, I DID OFFER YOU MY HELP ON THAT NOTARY FORM PRIOR TO YOU SENDING IT ALL OFF FOR BOSS TO SIGN. JUST FYI, DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A LAW STUDENT IN A SPENDY SCHOOL, YOU DO NOT GET TO COBBLE TOGETHER WHATEVER BULLSHIT LANGUAGE YOU DEEM APROPOS ONTO A BUNCH OF ASSIGNMENTS, THEN GET ALL HUFFY ABOUT IT WHEN I DISCOVER A SHITLOAD OF MISTAKES AND REFUSE TO SIGN MY LEGAL WITNESS ONTO THIS EPIC STACK OF FAIL. I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHY YOU THOUGHT I'D ACKNOWLEDGE SOMETHING THAT INDICATES IT WAS WITNESSED IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA?? YEA, NO I'D LIKE TO KEEP MY COLORADO NOTARY LICENSE AND AVOID GOING TO JAIL KTHX.

OH AND BY THE WAY, I'M NOT HAULING YOU OUT THIS TIME. DEAR LAD, YOU GET TO TAKE THE WHOLE LOT BACK AND STAY LATE AT WORK TO PULL ALL THE STAPLES OUT, RE-DO THE LANGUAGE, AND ASK BOSS TO SIGN THE CORRECTED VERSIONS AFTER YOU APOLOGISE FOR WASTING HIS TIME WITH YOUR FIRST SHIT SHOW. I SHALL WITNESS THEM WHEN THEY HAVE BEEN CORRECTED. IN CASE YOU EVER WONDERED, THIS IS WHAT THE "EXECUTIVE" ON MY TITLE MEANS.

Jesus lapdancing pogostick Christ I do believe our intern this term sucks every bit as hard as the last one rocked. Oy vey...

I HAVE A COLD AGAIN DAMMIT (THOUGH NOT AS BAD AS LAST TIME) AND I'M EXHAUSTED AND I REALLY REALLY NEED TO CUT MY TOE NAILS AND I DESPERATELY WANT AN EXTRA DAY OFF BUT I'M OUT OF DAYS WITHOUT A DOCTOR'S NOTE AND THERE'S NOTHING IN THE HOUSE TO EAT THAT I WANT AND I'VE HAD TO STAY LATE AT WORK TO DRIVE AN INJURED COLLEAGUE HOME THIS WEEK (A STUDENT GOT MAD AND SHOVED A DESK AND IT INJURED MY FRIEND'S FOOT) WHICH I'M HAPPY TO DO BUT IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE EXHAUSTED AND I HAVE PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES THURSDAY NIGHT AND WITH CARPOOLING AND ME THE ONLY DRIVER A 16 HOUR DAY AHEAD OF ME AND I'M STILL AFRAID TO SPEND ANY MONEY EXCEPT FOR NECESSITIES CAUSE OF POSSIBLE LAYOFFS AND FUCK FUCK FUCK I REALLY NEED TO REST AND CLEAN THE TOILET (AND YES I'M JUST A BIG BABY CAUSE, YOU KNOW, JAPAN). FUCK.

(JON'S JUST GONE TO GET ME A TUNA SUB, AND COUGH DROPS... DID I MENTION I LOVE THAT MAN?)

I'VE BEEN SICK FOR 5 DAYS BUT I DON'T GET TO TAKE A DAY OFF AND BE SICK, I STILL HAVE TO WORK AND CARE FOR MY KID AND THE HOUSE AND SHIT AND MOVE OUR LIVES FORWARD IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION. BUT TONIGHT I'M FEELING A LITTLE BETTER AND NOW MY KID IS COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING AND HIS ASTHMA IS HITTING HIM HARD AND I'LL HAVE TO KEEP HIM HOME TOMORROW SO I WON'T GET WORK DONE AND WON'T GET PAID

AND AND AND AND GET THIS:

HE HAS A 4 DAY WEEKEND COMING UP, SO BY STAYING HOME TOMORROW HE WILL IN ESSENCE HAVE A 5 DAY WEEKEND. 5 DAYS IN WHICH I WILL GET VERY LITTLE WORK DONE, WILL BE VERY STRESSED OVER WHO WILL CARE FOR HIM WHILE I'M AT WORK (SPECIAL NEEDS KID, IT AIN'T EASY TO FIND THE RIGHT HELP). I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM TOO WITH HIS RUNNY LITTLE NOSE AND WHEEZY LUNGS. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. And he is so cute.

I WASN'T GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS BUT LFR STARTED THIS SO I AM JOINING IN WITH MY SHOUTY UNHAPPINESS AND THE UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL AND MY ENDLESS QUERY OF THE GODS ON MT. OLYMPUS AND IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH: WHEN IS MY GODDAM DAY OFF??????

NOTHING BUT STRESS AND NO RELIEF IN SIGHT.
AAAAGGGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGH! BLLLLAAHHHH.
I CAN'T EVEN BEING TO GET INTO ALL THE CRAP I AM IN OR HOW NOT UP TO THE TASK I FEEL. MUST KEEP GOING. NEED A BREAK. IT MUST BE BETTER THAN I THINK BECAUSE I THINK IT IS HORRIBLE. SHOULD BREAK DOWN AND HAVE A DRINK THURSDAY WHEN I HAVE A CHANCE, MAYBE IT WILL BE ENOUGH OF A BREAK IN THE CONSTANT GRIND. ONE EVENING OFF COULDN'T HURT TOO MUCH SINCE I WON'T BE ABLE TO SO MUCH AS STOP BREATHING WORK FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE. CRAP CRAP CRAP. POOP.
MUST ENDURE. THINGS WILL WORK OUT.
SHIT. FUCK. DAMN.

[POSTS OBLIGATORY CLICHE LINK HERE].

KANGAROO IT'S OKAY. I FEEL KINDA ORNERY AND RIDICULOUS MYSELF WITH MY PETTY LITTLE WOES IN THE FACE OF ALL THAT'S EVIL IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW BUT, YOU KNOW, SANITY. OR MAYBE JUST MORE OF MY USUAL SUBLIMELY INDULGENT OVERPRIVILEGED WHITE MIDDLE CLASS BULLSHIT BLA BLA BLA YAMMITY YAMMER BLEH.

ANYHOWS YOU SHOULD HAVE A DAY OFF. WITHOUT BEING SICK. SICK SUCKS. :(

CRAP CRAP CRAP. POOP. SHIT. FUCK. DAMN.

COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF, ETH.

FOR ONCE I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOUT ABOUT BUT I WILL POST IN SOLIDARITY WITH THOSE OF YOU WHO DO. I HOPE EVERYONE'S SHOUTY ISSUES CAN RESOLVE TO SOMETHING OF A MILD WHISPER SOON.

SOMEBODY ALWAYS HAS IT WORSE THAN YOU. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ONLY SADDER THAT WE ALL HAVE OUR PROBLEMS. I DO TRY TO KEEP MINE IN PERSPECTIVE AND REMEMBER THAT WHAT MY GRANDMA SAID IS TRUE, IF YOU'VE GOT YOUR HEALTH YOU'VE GOT IT ALL.

BUT IT'S STILL OK AND HEALTHY TO LET OFF STEAM AND SCREAM AND RANT AND COMPLAIN BITTERLY ABOUT INJUSTICE WHEREVER WE SEE IT AND FEEL IT.

A HUG TO ALL MY METACHAT FRIENDS AND WISHING EVERYONE A WINNING DAY TOMORROW.

I AM STUCK AT WORK REALLY LATE BECAUSE I'M WAITING FOR AN AUTHOR WHO WON'T DO HER WORK. WE MADE HER COME INTO THE OFFICE AND SHE'S SUPPOSED TO WRITE A CHAPTER A DAY BUT SHE HASN'T DONE THAT AT ALL. AND NOW IT'S WELL PAST MY FINISHING TIME AND I NEED TO BE HERE AT THE CRACK OF DAWN TOMORROW TO LET HER IN AND I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED.
I DIDN'T SLEEP VERY WELL LAST NIGHT - I WAS UP UNTIL MIDNIGHT FIXING THE CHEF'S WORK PANTS AND THEN WHEN HE CAME OVER AFTER WORK, SOMETIME WELL AFTER THEN, HE WAS ALL BITCHY AT ME BECAUSE THERE WAS CAT FLUFF ON THEM. NO WORD OF THANKS THOUGH. AND THEN HE WAS SUPER GRUMPY THIS MORNING AND WOULDN'T TALK TO ME, EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BARELY SEEN HIM SINCE SATURDAY, AND WHEN I MESSAGED HIM SAYING THAT I WAS HAVING A SHIT DAY AT WORK AND DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE, HE MESSAGED ME BACK TO SAY THAT 'AT LEAST I GET TO LEAVE AT 5' WHICH DOESN'T HELP, BECAUSE, HELLO, IT'S WELL AFTER 5. AND IT ISN'T MY FAULT THAT HE HAS TO WORK 15 HOUR DAYS EVERY DAY. SO I EXPLODED VIA TEXT MESSAGE AND THEN I FELT REALLY BAD THAT I HAD YELLED SO MUCH AT HIM, BUT I WAS REALLY CROSS AT BEING SO TAKEN FOR GRANTED. HE'S APOLOGISED NOW THOUGH.
AND IT'S NOT LONG UNTIL I GO ON HOLIDAYS BUT IT FEELS SO FAR AWAY ESPECIALLY WHEN I THINK ABOUT ALL THE STUFF I NEED TO DO BEFORE THEN. I NEED TO GO THROUGH ALL MY CRAP AND PACK IT ALL UP SO THAT I CAN MOVE AS SOON AS WE GET BACK FROM THE STATES AND I HAVE TO PREPARE ALL MY STUFF FOR THE SALES CONFERENCE BEFORE I GO TO THE STATES AMONGST OTHER THINGS THAT SEEM TO BE BREEDING OR MULTIPLYING.

I

BROKE

A

TOOTH!

OW!

SO NOW BEFORE MY RAPIDLY APPROACHING HORRIBLE WISDOM TOOTH EXTRACTION, I HAVE TO SCHEDULE AN EMERGENCY VISIT TO THE DENTIST TOO. OH JOY.

INTERACTIVE VOICE RESPONSE SYSTEMS ARE TEH SUCK OF ALL TEH SUCK THERE EVER WAS (EXCEPT FOR EARTHQUAKE, TSUNAMI, AND SPLODING NUKE STATIONS). DOOFY INTERNS NEEDED THE LEARNING OPPORTUNITY. SPOUSES SHOULD BE LIKE JON MC AND BRING HOME YUMMY FOODZ, AND BE GRATEFUL THAT WE ARE THEIR SWEETIES, AND SAY "YOU ROCK" LOTS MORE OFTEN. BORKED TOOF IS OWWWWW. UNPRODUCTIVE AUTHOR NEEDS BUTT-KICKING.

MY JOB IS UBER-CRAPPY. YAH, YAH, I HAZ A JOB, BUT A JOB THAT MAKES ME CRY SEVERAL DAYS A WEEK, RAISES MY BLOOD PRESSURE AND MAKES ME ANXIOUS, MAYBE NOT BETTER THAN NO JOB. WORKING AT THE GAS STATION IS STARTING TO LOOK GOOD. ALSO, IT'S RAINING A SLUDGY MIX OF SNOW AND RAIN. AND MY CAR IS MAKING A BAD SOUND.

WE WANT SPRING!!!!!

DEAR STUDENTS: YES, WE REALLY EXPECT YOU TO READ THOSE E-MAILS WE SEND YOU ABOUT WHEN REGISTRATION IS HAPPENING, NOT BECAUSE WE ARE EVIL E-MAIL NAZIS, BUT BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL END UP WANDERING INTO MY OFFICE A WEEK AFTER REGISTRATION STARTED, BLEATING ABOUT HOW YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME ENROLLING AND I'LL SAY "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK, THAT'S BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS FILLED. EVERYTHING. ALLLLL THE CLASSES, EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE THAT REQUIRES ADVANCED CALCULUS, WHICH I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT UP FOR ON ACCOUNT OF HOW YOU CAN'T EVEN MANAGE TO READ YOUR FREAKIN' E-MAIL, LET ALONE DO ADVANCED CALC." AND THEN YOU WILL WEEP AND SOB, WHICH DOESN'T AUTOMAGICALLY MAKE CLASS SEATS APPEAR OUT OF THIN AIR, BUT ONLY MAKES ME FEEL WORSE.

PLUS, TOMORROW'S THE BIG DAY WE LEARN JUST HOW BAD THE STATE REVENUES ARE GOING TO BE AND HENCE HOW BIG A CUT WE NEED TO TAKE. (SPOILERS: REALLY REALLY BAD; REALLY REALLY BIG.)

ME TOO, KAT! I KNOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE SOME PEOPLE BAD NEWS ABOUT THEIR JOB, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MANY! STUPID NATURAL DISASTERS SUCKING AWAY ALL OUR MONEY FOR RECONSTRUCTION!

AN YEAR OR SO AGO FACEBOOK CHANGED THEIR API THAT YOU CAN WRITE APPS ON TO A NEW MODE CALLED.. THE GRAPH API

IT SUCKS

NOBODY EVER KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE PLATFORM
WHAT FUNCTIONS ARE AVAILABLE
HOW THEY'RE CALLED
WHAT THE ERRORS ARE

FOR YEARS I'D BEEN WORKING WITH THEIR API AND GREAT DEVELOPER WIKI JUST FINE
AND NOW I CAN'T OUT ANYTHING AT ALL WITHOUT TEARING MY HAIR OUT

THE DOCUMENTATION FUCKING SUCKS
IT'S FUCKING BROKEN
AND I GOTTA GET THINGS DONE
AND JUST HAVE TO DIVINE HOW THE HELL THEY WORK
FUCK