Me? The Crimson Petal And The White, but like 3-part HBO miniseries, so we can see Sugar being badass.

Robert McCammon's Swan Song. It's a very cinematic book, about the US after a nuclear attack (it was written in the 80s), and you could do it very gritty, non-CGI style. Almost documentary-like.

It has so many stunningly visual moments BESIDES the nuke at the beginning: characters with radiation tumors encasing their heads in "Job's masks" that later crack to reveal a different face; meeting a band of crazy people having a Mardi Gras style parade in a burned-out K-Mart, and realizing that the mannequin they're hoisting up on the throne is actually a corpse.

There's also a devilish character who would make a great role for some actor, as the being that wants to kill humanity: his name is Richard Friend, but he's kind of goofy, not at all the "bad ass" you'd get in a normal Hollywood movie. He's described as very handsome but stupid. I always imagined Friend as looking kind of like Gary Busey or Nick Nolte. Nowadays he'd probably be played by Josh Brolin. (And that would be even better.)

Gravity's Rainbow. Because I think one could make a different movie using any one of its million strands as the primary storyline. (I also think that certain storylines would also make better movies than others.) And with so many built-in opportunities to fuck it up, the rights to said book should be as difficult to acquire as Excalibur.

(As opposed to Excalibur.)

Is this the place to tell y'all about my brilliant new discovery?

The trick to writing papers is to RECORD them with an audio recorder! I downloaded Audacity, and holy cow why didn't I discover this when I was starting my B.A. instead of about to finish it?

It took me 15-30 minutes to record a rough draft of a 5-7 page paper. Admittedly I had been working on that paper all weekend, but I hadn't really written anything worth keeping in all that time. It's so much easier to say what I'm trying to think than to type what I'm trying to think, so this is an exciting new hack.

That isn't the tale of books to movies, but it is the tale of audio to text.

If you'd asked me this when I was 19 I would have said Startide Rising. Since then, I've leaned towards the idea that there's never been a good adaptation. But Startide Rising, that's my answer.

While I'm not sure I would wish Piers Anthony's entire Xanth series upon the world, he did publish one in the series titled "Swell Foop" about a year AFTER I started blogging under the OneSwellFoop title. I had previously stumbled on a couple of his non-series books: "Prostho Plus" was about an earth dentist working on alien mouths (I'm sure any adaptation would make the mass audience cringe) and "But What of Earth?" was all about teleportation and the planet most of the earthlings migrated to but what I liked about it was that it was finally published umpteen years after it was first written and the narration was interrupted by sections about the manuscript's checkered history. Must reading for any potential author, and any movie adaptation should include both stories.

The Legion of Time by Jack Williamson. Classic pulp sci-fi adventure, with a motley crew of warriors from various periods of history recruited by a time-ship captain to fight a menace from the far future.

I don't think it even needs much adapting, it's already fast-paced and action-packed enough for Hollywood. I can't believe it hasn't been made already.

The Last Herald-Mage series because Vanyel is such a badass and I would pay tons of money to see it on the big screen. (But not in 3D. I hate 3D.) The reconciliation between [spoilers redacted] in the second book makes me cry so hard and so does the last few chapters of the last book.

It would never happen though because the whole Companion/Herald thing would be too hard to explain and well, the main character is gay (although it's not really something that is a major THIS IS HIS DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC in the books but I have a feeling moviemakers would want to make it that way).

The Running with the Demon series by Terry Brooks. I can't get it out of my head, years later, and the special effects would be awesome.

Also, though this would be an epic, multi part, Lord of the Rings type flick, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin. Currently listening to that and finding it hard to tear myself away from it. It would definitely be an epic, full of cinematography, gorgeous costumes, challenging animal wrangling, and an enormous cast of talented actors with the ability to suggest shrewd political scheming with the raise of a single eyebrow.

pssst! bearwife!

Oh hai is this where we talk about a Game of Thrones?

I hate Sean Bean for Ned Stark. Ned's a gentle, noble father figure, while Sean Bean is a not-so likable meat-faced doofus. Throw some third degree facial burns on him and he'd make a great Hound. For Ned I'd like David Strathairn, aka "the world's second-most trustworthy man" (a close second behind Sam Waterston).

Mayor Carcetti as Littlefinger though, that is nailing it.

... or in other words, whoever plays Ned should be someone you might also cast as Atticus Finch.

Oh that's funny fleacircus because when I first saw the casting, I saw Sean Bean's name and just assumed he was playing Sandor Clegane. It never actually registered that he was Ned Stark. Hrm. I can't see David Strathairn as Ned either though. He doesn't look tough enough. I think that Ned's a noble father figure, sure, but gentle? Nah, he's tough.

I never thought that Ned looked that tough. Or rather, he's got a moral toughness which I can see in Strathairn. In the books I think the revelation that he used to be kind of a badass is surprising, and so it should be surprising about Strathairn.. And there's a general theme of "tough guy warriors" being real assholes and not very heroic, and normal people actually becoming the real tough hero types when the shit hits the fan. I don't think Ned should look like he solved any problems by he himself personally beating someone up.

Ah, I getcha. Hrm. Yeah, I didn't mean thuggish, so I see where you're coming from.

Louisa May Alcott's Eight Cousins just begs to be a richly realized period film. I have all the sets and locations fully visualized in my mind. And meanwhile, they've made Little Women, like, nineteen times, and totally ignore this (much more scenic and cinematic and much less schlocky!) book.

I've always wanted to see a faithful adaptation of Frankenstein which has had a hundred version but few followed the book very well. Kenneth Branagh's version in the '90s came close but I felt like he missed the point. I hate that screenwriter thing that he did by adding in emotional motivations for Herr Frankenstein to want to create life and making him look like the glamorous Kenneth Branagh. I always saw him as the proto-type nerd who was brilliant and driven but couldn't understand the human consequences of his work. I'd like the movie to focus on the doctor (grad student really) and less on the monster.

I spent a lot of time thinking about how to adapt Going Postal while I was reading it. Specifically, I wanted to do something that looked better than Hogfather or the Colour of Magic, which were nice but I dunno. Looked cheap?

I had a very specific image in mind for the Clacks, giant towers with constantly changing black and white shutters.

I see now a Going Postal adaption already exists.

Oh, and as for the why? It's a damn fun book. In the right hands it'd be a damn fun movie, too.

Thanks gaspode! I wonder how long before it takes to get to NetFlix -- the usual way I see HBO series.

I also join in the disapproval of Sean Bean as Ned. Wrong. He should have a long sad noble face but be believable as someone who can conduct an execution or swing a sword. Someone like Liam Neeson would be a much better choice. As for Strathairn, he can play anyone, as he's demonstrated repeatedly for John Sayles.

An adaptation of The Price of Altruism with Ralph Fiennes at George Price.

What? What do you mean, "You don't watch many movies, do you?"

Hogs father was more discwordly - and better made - but the color of magic looked better and I thought Sean Astin nailed TwoFlower.

I just finished Unseen Academicals and boy is that Flimic.