Bring the children to meeeee, I will play with them!

I got nuttin' on SF.

I highly recommend the Joie de Vivre hotels. Several of them are very affordable and in handy places. I like Hotel Tomo and Hotel Kabuki. They're both in Japantown where there's lots of tasty restaurants and fun stuff.

If you want to be smack downtown in a "great location" (North Beach and Chinatown are in walking distance), the Mosser Hotel is awesome. It's a lovely building and the rooms are a great deal $60-80/night for a shared bath. The baths are spotlessly clean and they give you nice robes. There's good coffee and delicious local bakery muffins in the morning.

If you're looking to do touristy stuff, I highly recommend the Alcatraz tours. It gives you a chance to be on the water, go for hikes/walks on the island, take a cool self-guided audio tour and you can walk to the Ferry Building for lunch or dinner afterward.

I just have to say .... JEALOUS!!!!!!

Not sure about your budget but I love the Capmpton Place Hotel. It's right in Union Square and it's beautiful and within walking distance of lots of great places.

We did the Alcatraz tour about a thousand years ago when I was 12 and it was awesome. I especially liked the ferry ride out there. Probably now it would make me really sad but back then it was really an exciting adventure.

Have a great time!!!

All I know about SF is from 30 years ago when I stumbled onto a sidestreet of used bookshops and could have easily spent 500 bucks just from window shopping. Not collectibles either.

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The Alcatraz tour is absolutely worthwhile. You'll need reservations and a warm coat. The only downside to is is that you'll have to venture down to Fisherman's Wharf, which is tourist hell (but it has an In-N-Out Burger, so there's that).

The Ferry Building is neat if you're into foodie things, especially on a farmer's market day.

The DeYoung art museum in Golden Gate Park has a really nice observation deck that overlooks the city. If you don't feel like going through the museum (which can be good or boring, depending on what kind of art you like and what kind of exhibit is there at the time), you can still go up to the deck for free.

The new-ish-ly remodeled Academy of Sciences just across the way from there is supposed to be fantastic. I haven't been yet.

Friends who visited for the first time a couple years ago got some sort of City Pass (I forget what it's called?) that got them admission to a bunch of museums, and also served as a transit pass. It was well worth it for them. You might check into it too.

If you do ride the Muni, make sure that your fare is always paid. It is easy, away from Market St, to get on for free, but there are transit cops who will come through the cars and check people, as well as check people as they get off at a station. Busses, maybe not so much, but trains, definitely.

The Muni is the SF transit system, and BART is for the whole area and they are separate.

I'll second the Joie de Vivre--we stayed at the Hotel Carlton recently and it was wonderful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is exactly the kind of info I was hoping for. You guys never let me down.

Here's the important stuff:

1. Go to El Farolito in the Mission and eat a Super Carne Asada burrito with whatever flavor agua fresca is available that day.

2. Eat a sandwich on Dutch Crunch bread, probably somewhere like Roxie Food Center (though lots of places have Dutch Crunch).

Another vote for Alcatraz. I was in SF a million years ago and that's the one thing that stands out in my memories of the trip.

That and the shit my younger brother and his friend gave me while we were there with my mum. Little fucks. It was only because I helped paid for the trip that they could go. Ohhh, I'm not bitter. Nope.

Tell me something about your taste, interests, level of adventurousness, etc and I will tell you what to do!

- Life-long Bay Area Resident

PS, if we can coordinate, you can borrow my pass to the academy of science. It costs an arm and a leg but my pass will get you and hubby in for free.

Oh, and I totally don't know your style, but I did not buy the dress I tried on here and have regretted it ever since.

Alcatraz is amazing and you should go. When I was there (and met lots of awesome SF mefites! And pups introduced me to In n Out Burger!) I stayed at the Chancellor, which was very nice.

Takara Sake Factory and Museum!

I was tipped off to the Hotel Whitcomb and I really, really enjoyed it. It's "historic," which in SF terms means it's 100 years old, but really gracious in a vintage-hotel, Beaux-Arts way. Rooms were small but quite comfortable and well appointed. I slept beautifully. Some will beef about the location, but I loved that it was right across from a main city library, well within walking distance to everything, and the trolley/bus thingie stopped right in front of the place. It was situated nicely between places I wanted to visit. And really, really gracious and lovely.

Bring a jacket or leave with a new one.

Avoid hotels near City Hall. There are a number of tourist hotels on 7th street which - while I'm sure they are basically fine - are located in one of the "grittier" neighborhoods of the city. I commute past them every day, and I see lots of dazed-looking Europeans wandering around, puzzled at the proliferation of methadone clinics that somehow weren't mentioned in the guidebook. (on preview, Miko's mention of the Whitcomb is good, despite being proximate to my avoid-area)

The cable cars are neat enough I guess, but I love our vintage PCC streetcars with a fierceness I can't explain. Ride the F-Line, it's the same $2 fare as the regular bus, and no crazy lines.

Consider visiting the Prelinger Library.

What kind of eating do you like to do? Fancy? Hip Foodie? Authentic food from someone's distant homeland? All are readily available.

If you can, listen to the Sparkletack podcasts before you visit - You'll learn lots of fascinating local history that will make the trip even more interesting.

Yeah, it was sort of a sketchy area, but it was worth it. It was such a great hotel, and it's not like I hung out in the neighborhood anyway. The hotel itself has a really nice restaurant and bar if you want to hang out and drink and eat, but most of the time I was out and about so I wasn't really needing the hotel neighborhood to offer a lot.

Triode recommended those podcasts before I visited and I got a LOT out of them!

Agreed, the vintage streetcars were awesome. Really awesome. The cable car was great too, don't skip it!

I love Hotel Palomar, and they seem to have weirdly scheduled specials, so if you can luck into a cheap-ish room there, I would highly recommend it.

I was there for the first time ever last March! I really really enjoyed:

- the DeYoung Museum. Fantastic, beautiful, and the setting in the park is amazing. Right next to it is the Japanese garden with a tea room; that was wonderful too. You could easily spend a day or two or more just wandering around the park.

- the Asian Art Museum. Beautiful, blew me away.

- Wandering along the beach. San Franciscans are all, like, oh, the beach, we do not go there, it is cold and sandy and stuff, but if you, like me, don't see a lot of salt water, riding the bus to the beach and just walking along even though it's very cold is well worth it. Plus you can ride the comfy bus! to the beach! easily! while looking out the window at cool strange little neighborhoods! Shut UP. On the east coast we don't have much in the way of public transportation.

- Chinatown. It's so much nicer than NYC's Chinatown, there's no comparison. Far fewer dying turtles in filthy freezing tanks overseen by angry old women, far more temples, friendly people and super amazing cool little stores.

- the whole general Mission district. Great graffiti, hipsters to gawk at, cheap awesome food and many many used bookstores. Heaven, in other words.

- Mefi meetup. Yay big fun; everyone is so nice and really cool.

You are going to have so much fun, jrossi. SF is beautiful. I didn't want to leave. I did all of the touristy stuff (Alcatraz was awesome) and ate at many of the "best" restaurants according to Frommer's. It was over 10 years ago when I was there. I stayed at the Union Street Inn. My parents were there more recently and stayed at The Chancellor. I want to go back! Have a great time!

Yes, SF's MeFites are awesome people!

A friend liked this hotel too.

You guys are amazing! Really. Thank you so much. Doesn't matter how many sites I visit or books I read, nothing is more helpful than good advice from people you trust.

Tell me something about your taste, interests, level of adventurousness, etc and I will tell you what to do!
You're so sweet, serazin. We're not fannypack-wearing, Hard Rock dining tourists, but we do like to hit the major attractions anywhere we visit. Very interested in history, so I'll definitely check out the podcasts Triode mentioned. We're foodies, but not necessarily food snobs, and we looove trying stuff we can't get at home. (In-N-Out burgers and Dutch Crunch bread will be eaten.) We're...goofy. All our favorite vacation memories are of things like riding the Alpine Slide or learning to play Bingo from hardcore retirees.

Everyone's suggestions sound so great, I'm sad we're only going to be there for two days.

All our favorite vacation memories are of things like riding the Alpine Slide or learning to play Bingo from hardcore retirees.

Oh, how I miss alpine slides. Are those still around?

For goofy, location-specific fun, you might want to check out the fortune cookie factory in Chinatown. It's not as goofy as learning bingo. Maybe 'goofy' isn't even the right word. But you're not going to be able to do it anywhere else.

Also, I completely forgot to mention the Cable Car Museum. I went with friends in July. Had never been there before, but it was really awesome. It's in the building where the actual cables originate, and you can see them running right there in front of you. Also, it's free. Won't take up much of your time -- maybe 30 minutes -- but it's definitely worth seeing. It's a short walk (uphill) from Chinatown.

Ooh, fellow foodie! Some good things I ate:

Oysters at Swan Oyster Depot
A panini from Molinari Delicatessen, bought as takeout and eaten nearby with a beer at Cafe Vesuvio
Skip breakfast and go instead to the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market and graze the morning away. There's even a wine bar that opens at 9 if you want to start the day with wine! I also enjoyed Heart of the City Farmers Market where more regular people of more ethnicities were shopping, with good unusual produce. Only market in the US where I've ever seen poultry for sale, alive.
Absinthe was pricey fun. Citizen Cake was too.
I got a good Mexican-style meal in the Mission district at a place mudpuppie took me to. I don't recall the name, but there were a lot of other places nearby looking also really good.

You will have such a good time. I still think back on my 2008 trip with lots of happy memories. What a great city.

Two days is hard. You'll have to squeeze in 8 meals a day (:

There is lots of "touristy" stuff to do here that is actually great. I loved the cable cars. However, with only two days you MIGHT skip alcatraz cuz the ferry takes a while. If you do it though you will have a great time - so you can't lose either way. Maybe decide based on the weather?

If you like history there are cool WPA murals inside coit tower. You can also preview Found San Francisco. And I agree you should take the F line at some point. "Regular" part of the transport system but they use antique trams.

You could give a day to golden gate Park - or half a day? Have dim sum on the Richmond side of the park for lunch? Hit some combination of the Academy of Science/de Young/Japanese Tea Garden (which would be the most fun from the slightly quirky point of view)/Conservatory of flowers. Unfortunately, the herd of buffalo in the park are fairly dull.

I agree you can't go wrong spending a chunk of a day in the Mission eating, bookstoring, window shopping, etc. Yummy pizza or pastries at Arizmendi (cooperative), world famous burritos, tons of other great, great food and sites to see.

For art the Yerba Buena center is more local and IMHO interesting than the big SFMOMA across the street.

You might want to pop into a gay bar or leather bar to check it out. It's kind of worth seeing if you want an SF exprience. The Eagle is a beloved leather bar that also has like, punk shows and stuff. Worth getting a beer and enjoying the atmosphere. The Castro is full of bars but I find the Casto kind of unmanageably commercial and inaccessible. However, seeing a movie at the Castro Theater is very worthwhile if there's something good. Also check out the Roxie in the mission (arty stuff) or the Red Vic in the Sunset (after Golden Gate Park?) where you sit on couches and eat popcorn with nutritional yeast.

I'll defer to everyone else on hotel recommendations. However, there are some quirky, fun B&Bs too if that's up your ally. The Red Vic was cool when I stayed there a million years ago (although I'm not a fan of Haight Street and it puts you a bit far from the Mission (but close to the park). I know there are a couple well regarded places in the Castro as well.

Finally, check out the Squid List for stuff to do.

Have a great time!

It's 10 years since I was in SF, so I can't recommend any restaurants, etc. but Alcatraz is wonderful. Get the audio tour, it's narrated by actual ex-inmates and is very atmospheric, particularly in the dining hall.

More food thoughts: Mobile Trucks are hot right now. If you've ever wanted to eat curried frog legs served from the back of a motor vehicle, Chez Spencer's truck is the place to be. There are often gathering-of-the-trucks events where you can visit several in one place, Twitter will point you there.

Ike's Sandwiches are a looong line & mandatory order-ahead, but quite popular. Zuni Cafe is an anchor of SF dining; order the chicken or the burger. (Yes, the burger really is $15 worth of delicious, but only available at lunch or after 10p.)

If you go to the Ferry Bldg Farmer's Market for brunch, wait in line at the Primavera booth and order the Chilaquiles. At the other end of the day, also in the Ferry Bldg, Slanted Door is very good, but call for a reservation, and it will be loud. Back to Brunch: The Presidio Social Club (in the Presidio, natch) is worth the trip to the NW corner of town. Likewise, Boogaloos in the Mission. SF takes the sport of brunch pretty seriously; the question is often tolerating the wait.

Wars have been fought over beliefs less passionately held than the Best Mission Burrito. I like Little Chihuahua on Divisadero, which isn't in the Mission at all. Nearby, NOPA restaurant does Americana, Nopalito does Mexicana, and Ragazza does pizza.

If Ice Cream is your thing, visit Humphrey Slocombe or Three Twins or Buy-Rite Creamery or Mitchell's. For coffee, look for Blue Bottle, Four Barrel, Ritual Roasters, Sightglass, or any of a hundred others.

For cocktails, I like Orbit Room Cafe, although lately it's come down a notch in my estimation because they've covered over the big windows. If you fancy getting lit in the Pirates of The Caribbean, then don't miss Smugglers' Cove. Absinthe has a very swank bar, even if you don't stay for dinner. The Mission and dive bars are synonymous and indistinguishable. There are Speakeasy style places in the Tenderloin, and The Alembic in the upper Haight. Beer geeks should go straight to Toronado in lower Haight.

SF is packed to the gills with good food. None of it is at Fishermans' Wharf or the other tourist drags; make the effort to get away from the tour buses and crowds and you will be handsomely rewarded.

You guys have totally made my vacation. Nothing bothers me more than wasting time with the dreaded "What do you want to do? I dunno, what do you want to do?" conversation. I'm going to print this thread and take it with me. Thank you a million times.

And I'm going to be walking up and down hilly streets all day, right? Eight meals is allowable.