I get really disappointed about not journaling my life, like 3-4 quick bullet points a day but I can never really keep it up beyond a few days. I guess I need to make it easier, more convenient like a text file (rigth now i put it in a wiki in my server). I mean I just *want* to know what was going on in March 2009 in a vague way you know? it's just really unsettling for me not to know

I can't fathom why everything I want these days is so inaccessibly expensive and I have decided that I'm going about things all wrong, lusting for the remarkably un-graspable things all the time just leads to permanent unwanted insatiability. Life is long, focus on the basics, one step at a time, etc.

eh. well. everything just seems to be a series of fits and starts. some things are sustained, some things aren't. I think it's also important to be in the moment and not reanimate old moments of anger or embarrassment etc to run them over in your head for no reason. If things are good in this moment then things are good.

this has been my overly-candid 3 points

1) I got out Kat's saddle yesterday and had the closest thing to a real ride the two of us have had since 2008. It was not really much, as we're both out of shape and I still have all these Issues, but it was good. Really good.

2) I am less sore this morning than I expected to be.

3) Ripley seems to be doing well, halfway through the 2 weeks.

1. My dad and I put together a complete tournament Scrabble dictionary for North American Scrabble players for the Kindle using Creative Commons material and amazingly it seems to be selling! 24 units sold at $3.99 so far.

2. I see that Piperlime has lots of 7 for All Mankind Jeans for 50 % off and am very tempted. Normally I'd go ahead, but I've been dropping weight steadily and all the jeans I bought a month ago are starting to get loose. Maybe I should wait?

3. Working at home today. Need to actually work though and not start reading about Libya.

1. I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle.

Husband and I recently started discussing renting out our house in the US and returning to live in Brazil. We aren't aiming at Sao Paulo anymore, we're looking further south. We have some friends who moved recently to Balneário Camboriú, and while living right in town isn't appealing to us, there are some beaches a bit to the south that we really like. I'm excited beyond words right now at this prospect.

In-laws are coming in today for a whirlwind visit, so the husband and I went around in a whirlwind cleaning spree last night for two hours. It was just the motivation we needed to kick up the dust around these parts.

The dog has started shedding again, and is hence the source of a lot of detritus that requires cleaning in the first place. Instead of helping, as she should! She just followed me from room to room, mournful that I wasn't letting her up on her favorite couch (the blanket was in the wash). She would throw herself on the ground and *sigh* as she laid her head down to demonstrate her displeasure. Truly a sight to see. She's still moping this morning, because the guest room is now Off Limits, and normally isn't. Any change at all in her world is cause for Alarm.

1 - My husband was on his way out the door yesterday to try to find replacement hardware for the daybed. He looked for a bolt that would be the correct size for reference, and. . .found the missing hardware. Right where it should have been. In the hardware drawer. It was a Presidents Day Miracle! Yeah.

2 - A co-worker just got diagnosed with a serious illness that she is way too young to get. It isn't chronic or progressive or particularly dangerous, but it is painful and has a long duration. I feel bad for her, and also hope she is able to work - maybe from home - and that it doesn't hit her too very hard.

3 - Spooooooon!

1. Ended last week on a sour note that left me too wound up over the long weekend to succeed with my previously-announced plan of sleeping a lot. Despite that, I don't feel overly tired this morning.

2. Had a great aerobic workout on Friday evening. I just wish I had tried a higher intensity a long time ago. After months of using the "recommended" effort level I was getting nowhere, but now that I'm working a little harder, I'm suddenly making huge progress.

3. Had lots of fun on Saturday despite item #1 above, and also spent quite a bit of time playing both Minecraft and Civilization IV, so that part of my weekend went according to plan. Not sure I'm actually enjoying Civ IV yet, but I've played a few hours of it so far using the "just dive right in and see if I can figure it out" approach.

1. Was supposed to have kick-ass day of work today. Instead, running on fumes after being up most of the night checking in with friend and family in Christchurch.

2. Have to organize trip to California for friend's wedding. It's getting close and we need to sort ourselves out.

3. Sorely tempted to look at Minecraft.

1. Had a mostly bad useless weekend feeling crabby and alone. The only thing I did right was exercise -- I worked really hard on that.

2. At work today -- it's a state shutdown day, but there is so much work to do in my office that we were told to come in. Means my salary for this year will be cut 1/10 less than I thought it would. That's good.

3. What Eideteker said. I need to change things up in a big big way but I don't know how.

1. Very busy and very stressed. But a lot of the worst stressors have gone away for the moment.

2. Spent Saturday in Madison. I should get out of town more often. Wish I hadn't had to come back.

3. Things are going better than they have in a while. Naturally I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

1. Pup earned a title last weekend.
2. No classes this week as it is February break, yet oddly I have as much work to do as ever, if not more. Which is why I am here, procrastinating.
3. I was listening to ISIHAC last night as I was going to sleep and Cow, Lake, Bomb made me laugh so hard I almost fell out of bed, which would have disturbed the dog.

Wolfdog, I love ISIHAC. Since Humph died, Jack Dee has proven himself a worthy successor (they tried various presenters before settling on Jack Dee - Stephen Fry was *terrible*).

Update: now feeling quite rough. Free food is all very well, but I won't be eating those again.

I see that Piperlime has lots of 7 for All Mankind Jeans for 50 % off

Ooh, thanks for the heads up.

1 - The guy I have been dating is so, so busy, and though he assures me that it's not me and that things are just hectic, the minimal contact from him in between dates over the last few weeks is really hard for me to handle. We've gone from talking every day to days without contact. It's hard not to be worried despite his assurances. Within the next two weeks he will know if he got his dream job (the application process has been a big time suck; the waiting and wondering a huge stressor for him) and so I am trying to hang in there and be cool about it.

2 - My mom has developed aphasia (talking slower, slurring her words) and she doesn't really want to know why. She did go to a neurologist who did an MRI that shows significant cerebral atrophy, but now she's done and I just wish I knew if this was going to get worse, and how fast, and what else is going to go along with it.

3 - I keep hearing my biological clock just ticking away in the background all the time.

1. Think the possible job opportunity is a bust. Oh well. At least my cover letter and resume are ready for the next opportunity.
2. Wearing my sassy new boots with the sky-high heels today. I've decided to give up on making stiletto boots a walking shoe- it ruins them too quickly. I'll carry them like I do with my other nice shoes. This is an upside of carrying an insanely big purse!
3. I have a library book that will be overdue starting tomorrow (the rest were renewed online, but this one is on hold for someone else), eeeeee. Hope I can get there on Thursday.

1. Five years ago, after a devastating breakup that changed my view of the human race, I started writing in my journal almost every day, thinking it would be a temporary thing until my head was clearer. It is in fact clearer, and I've gotten over the breakup, but I'm still writing away. And the whining over the same stupid related issues that just haven't gone away is kind of depressing. I just read some entries from three years ago and was like "Jesus, what a broken record I am..."

2. Americans are such prudes. Was watching both the British and American versions of "Whose Line is it Anyway" the other day; we get so squeamish over the silliest things! The American censor said that they couldn't use "Cross-dressing Man" for a superhero, among other things.

3. Listening to my Gilbert and Sullivan CDs, for the first time in a while. Love "Yeoman of the Guard".

me too, amro!!

1. Four-day weekend is sadly over. However, it was good to leave the house this morning. I'd forgotten what Outside looked like. Last night in bed I calculated that this was the first weekend since December 11th that I haven't had to deal with travel, family, injury, illness, illness, illness, illness, illness, or illness. And I arranged it so that I didn't have to do ANYTHING for ANYBODY, except myself. (And the cats/chickens, to whom I couldn't properly explain 'me time.') It was peaceful and relaxing, but I'm tired and sore from sitting in the same position for four days and....

2. Playing Minecraft. Turns out that when you get so obsessed with something and literally stare at it all day long for multiple days, you start seeing it in real life. No, that's not iron ore on my ceiling; that's some water spots. No, that's not coal on the kitchen floor; those are leaves that someone tracked in from outside. No, that's not a lava fall I hear on the other side of the kitchen wall; that's the washing machine entering the rinse cycle. That thing I just saw out of the corner of my eye? Not a creeper, just a cat creeping.

In other words, DON'T DO IT, GASPODE.

3. I build the bestest monster trap ever this weekend. It's perfect. I love it.

4. It's only 9:00 a.m., but I want to go home. I think I need to take a day off from Minecraft. Maybe today will be that day.

But my monster trap!!

1. I put some new bird feeders up in my back garden, the type with squirrel-proof cages around them, and now there are lots more little birds visiting my garden. Lucy loves watching them through the patio door.

2. I am still trying to sort out the $700+ refund for my accommodation in New York last December. This is an annoyance, but it will be resolved, I'm sure.

3. I took a pack of meat out of the freezer yesterday and when I looked at the label I realised it was the pack of kangaroo meat I bought a while back. I'm still waiting for it to defrost before I decide whether to stew it slowly or whether it'll be best with a pepper rub, seared on a hot griddle and eaten medium rare.

1. The cat seems to be getting used to the idea of canned food, rather than kibble, though we're still experimenting with various brands. She seems happier and healthier overall, so I guess whatever she is eating is helping un-screw-up her kidneys.

2. I am trying to find classical music for the wedding ceremony that doesn't sound overly cliche or wedding-y, and I fear that I am failing.

3. I am hoping to get in one more batch of drip-dry clothes into the wash before it starts raining again.

Hey occhiblu, I can help with the wedding music! (And, y'know, maybe it would help me settle on some stuff for my own ceremony...)

I'll shoot you some mail.

1. Since last Wednesday, it has felt like everything below my diaphragm has been in ruins (you to not want to know any more about this). Spent several days in bed with a fever and it is slowly getting better, slowly the key word here.

2. Had an extra Decemberists ticket for Saturday so we took a friend, who left early. Wrong friend to take. But we stayed overnight in Portland for the first time in a long time and had a nice breakfast/morning up on NW 23rd, which we have not been to in a long time.

3. Snow on the ground, later in the week. I am really ready for Winter to be over, but I realize that others may have more claim on that sentiment than I.

1. Crazy ass busy day at work - and almost everything on my to-do list hinges on someone else doing something first.

2. Ripping CDs to my MP3 player on lunch - in today's stack: early BeeGees, Weirdos, XTC, Sloan, and Pop Will Eat Itself.

3. As soon as five thirty arrives and work is done I have a date with my sketchbook and markers. I may double date with some beer and loud music.

2. Playing Minecraft. Turns out that when you get so obsessed with something and literally stare at it all day long for multiple days, you start seeing it in real life. No, that's not iron ore on my ceiling; that's some water spots. No, that's not coal on the kitchen floor; those are leaves that someone tracked in from outside. No, that's not a lava fall I hear on the other side of the kitchen wall; that's the washing machine entering the rinse cycle. That thing I just saw out of the corner of my eye? Not a creeper, just a cat creeping.

I've had the same kinds of things happen, but I'm finding this does get better after a while. You know that little "poit" noise it makes when you pick up a block? One weekend I started hearing that while walking along the sidewalk in my neighborhood. This was after a particularly intense period of tunnel digging, where I was hearing that noise many times a minute, for hours at a time.

I find things like this are kind of an interesting peek into how brains work. This is far from the first time a thought pattern from playing a game, or using some other software, has invaded the non-computer-using portion of my life.

*sudden static comes from the intercom, a booming voice with a quaint accent is heard*
My fellow metachatters! In our benevolent lair we've been noticing a concentration of blahness on the huge overhead screens in some spots over the US. Especially near eideteker and janetland.
We don't approve of this situation and thus we've forthwith instructed our minions to set up the Anti-Blah Device.
We can tell you that the device has just been triggered.
The rate of propulsion of an ABD shockwave is indeterministic. Hence you have to be on the lookout for a sudden disappearance of blahness and return of emotional equilibrium in the immediate future.

End of transmission.

2) I am less sore this morning than I expected to be.

When I said this, I was in error.

1. Snow. Driving my wife to work this AM was an adventure. Other drivers suck. The city works department sucks. PennDot sucks. Snow sucks.

2. I have to interview my boss's boss next week. Not sure how I'm supposed to do that.

3. I would like to delete the last two weeks from memory.

*waits patiently*

RE: Minecraft. In my 20's I developed a curiosity and fascination with smoking opium, having tried it a few times and finding that I liked it. The limiting, saving factor was the dearth of supply.

So, do not think I will get near Minecraft, thank you.

*waits impatiently*

Me too, danf. There are certain things I cannot do safely and I suspect Minecraft might fall into this category, so I will not even try it.

I'm not going near it either.

1. Just got home from a busy day (hour drive to Metro, hour on Metro, KYR class, lunch, and a records security class at NARA, hour on Metro, hour to gym, 32 minutes kicking own ass on elliptical and besting my own high score, finally home to shower) and am tired and feel like it is later than it is.

2. I have 3 fever blisters that appeared this morning. (2 on my bottom lip that will probably converge into one shortly and 1 on my upper lip.) I usually only get them on upper or lower, but I suspect that this lingering cold that I have (just the coughs from now, but that seems to be the last part to go) caused them. Thank you boss, for coming in when you were sick.

3. Kinda worried about reading the answers to the AskMe I posted last night. I always seem to get the 'this is the obvious answer, dumbass' kind of responses. (Of course, that's usually the *right* answer, but still.)

1. I decided to sell my 88-key keyboard because it takes up too much space. I replaced it in the keyboard rack with a 4-foot shelf and loaded that up with my FX, mixer and recorder.

2. I took some tortilla chips, sprayed them with oil, dusted them with a seasoning mix I concocted from the spice rack, and baked them 30 minutes at 250. Better than Doritos. Cheaper, too.

3. I am hooked on ebay again.

In the middle of a horrible relapse of the horrible flu that's going around. Trying not to stress about missing work, trying to breathe, trying not to cough. Rrrrrr.

1. Just got back from a great, busy, too-short vacation to Singapore and Bali. I am super tired and jet lagged and trying to work up the energy to unpack
2. I think I got sick somewhere in the 30+ hr journey back- my nose is running and i have that terrible throat feeling. Welcome home to me!
3. My job is going to change drastically starting tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it, though I have been trying to reframe it in a positive light to friends and family. I just need to convince myself a little more that this could be a good thing. Basically I have been working my butt off on this one product since I started this job, finally released it, and instead of working on the next iteration and bug fixes etc I am being moved to a new completely different product line which I really don't know much about. The good news is that the one I am switching to is more established and successful already and has a nice team of people I will work with (instead of doing everything myself) and my pay is the same and that stability is nice. The bad news is that I poured my heart and soul into the previous product and I took pride in making a startup work and I liked the people on that side of the business. Things change, I guess, and that is ok. I just don't like feeling like I am being pushed around (everyone is being nice, though I feel like I dont have options). That was a long 3, sorry, it's just been on my mind and is making coming back from vacation that much harder.

1. Took my minivan in for an oil change and to check up on a couple of recent recalls....drove home in a (free rental) new Dodge Charger. Yum. I think I could get used to this (if I could afford it). Very nice car.

2. There's a whole lot of shakeups going on at work, lots of people being let go for doing nothing more than they were told, and it's having a terrible effect on an already non-existant morale.

3. Thinking about taking my boys to DisneyWorld this summer before Older Boy goes off to the military. Not really liking his choice in this, but I will support him 100%.

1. Day 2 of my week-long business trip to Mexico, and I am finally settling in a bit and feeling less homesick.

2. Traveling makes it hard to keep up with doctor's orders, so I have only been doing my back exercises once a night in the hotel room. Doctor will not be pleased.

3. Insomnia from traveling also makes it hard to be awake for stuff in the morning, so also against doctor's advice I had some caffeine this morning. The other doctor will not be pleased.

I have only one point, but it's a long one:

Eric’s* heart went into atrial fibrillation this morning between 6:00 and 6:30. He called our family doc at 9:00 when they opened. Eric was told to head to the emergency room, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

ECG, blood tests, blah blah blah, etc. Eric got into the hospital early enough that they could do a cardioversion on him (the limit is six hours for some reason). The exciting part is I got to watch it! The docs (two – cardiologist & intern), the RT (respiratory therapist) and nurses (three, plus a cardio trainee) crowded around Eric’s bed in the ER area doing what they do; yes, it was a little crowded. They put him out (which was almost as funny as when he woke up due to the nonsense he babbled), shocked him with 100 joules, he jumped a bit and his right arm flung out a bit and then they brought him back to wakefulness. They were fairly amused that I moved so I could watch the whole thing. Hey, there was no way I was going to miss seeing it happen!

The cardiac doc mentioned he wanted to use propofal. Hmm, that sounds familiar, I said. The response from nearly every person standing there was – we’ll tell you after we’re done why that seems familiar. They didn’t wait but two seconds and one of them mentioned that’s one of the drugs that killed Michael Jackson. Oh. Yes. Now I remember. I made sure, Eric was pretty out of it by this point but not totally, that they all knew that I had no problem with them using that drug in that setting (the hospital), but we all had a little nervous chuckle.

So, we finally got out of the hospital at 4:40 pm, this afternoon. We were both starving of course, although we had shared his lunch that showed up at just after 3:00 pm, but that wasn’t much food.

The really fun part? I did all of this on two hours of sleep. I got to bed at 2:00 am this morning, was still awake at 4:00 am and took a sleeping pill at that time. I was pretty out of it when Eric woke me at 7:30 am to check his pulse for him to confirm he really was in a-fib. Insomnia sucks.

It was a long day, but all is well that ends well.

*The mister unmasked!

deborah- glad Eric is ok now! Hope you had a nice celebratory meal

deborah: oh, my! Glad everything turned out well, and what an exhausting, frightening day. Thinking of you today!