If she had dialed 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3 instead of that old 999 number, she would have been told she was an idiot much more quickly, by better looking police in a nicer vehicle.

She sounds like a good luck charm. Maybe I can get her to come to my street and put coins and teaspoons on all of the blow-up Santas and blow-up Homer Simpsons.

I know when I think of Christmas, the very first thing that springs to mind is a blow-up Homer Simpson, how about you guys?

(also, that'll teach her to wait 5 hrs before going out for a fag)