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28 December 2010

Ask The Whelk Anything Writer's Block Vacation Edition.
I think that every couple of years, the world undergoes a phase of change energy, where everything starts shifting around and things we thought were settled get un-settled. I just got that feeling again the other day - here we go again sort of feeling. Intellectually, I understand that things are changing for people all the time. But I also feel like we're entering a heightened state of change, or maybe more accurately a state where we're reaping what has been sown.

So, what is the deal with this? Confirmation bias? Am I just a dork?

posted by jeoc 28 December | 20:37
All systems trend toward equilibrium, areas of high engery will always run to areas of low engery. In the end, the cycles smooth out and we have entropy.

Fuck that noise. We've got like conciousness and crap. Freak out and break shit.
posted by The Whelk 28 December | 20:41
Whelk, why do women like Lady Gaga?
posted by jason's_planet 28 December | 20:51
What flavor is inside these seashell-shaped chocolates in this mixed-flavors chocolate box?
posted by aniola 28 December | 20:58
Everyone needs someone to look up to, I'd rather it a crazy monster robot then Taylor Swift.

Poorly made prealine.
posted by The Whelk 28 December | 21:02
Do I bother wrapping the gifts I have gotten for people for Christmas that I didn't get to see before the holiday? Please note that I am excruciatingly lazy, but some of the people whose gifts I haven't wrapped are children, and they are expecting wrapping.
posted by msali 28 December | 21:05
Dear The Whelk,

I am trying, really trying, to write this cheesy novel that's been in my head for years. Why am I incapable of writing a female protagonist who is anything other than a Madamina surrogate? even when my friend gives me prompts, I answer them like myself.

What do I do?
posted by Madamina 28 December | 21:09
Tissue paper and twine remains the standard, thrown in some butcher paper if you feel festive.

Simple, pretend you are someone else who gives different answers.
posted by The Whelk 28 December | 21:14
Should I get my hair cut?
posted by Obscure Reference 28 December | 21:27
I've got wrapping paper, Whelkie-Poo, I just don't FEEL like wrapping. I suppose my question better put would be, how do I get in the mood to wrap Christmas presents, now that Christmas is over?

On preview: Obscure Reference, don't do it. Fight the power!
posted by msali 28 December | 21:37
The Whelk

At what point should I just give up?
posted by apoch 28 December | 21:39
Dear Whelk,

You started it. Finish it. Finish us. Demolish this.

Sincerely,

Msali

PS - No really, how do I explain to a three year old that I haven't wrapped his Christmas present and still save face?
posted by msali 28 December | 21:51
On preview, I thought apoch was Whelkie-poo. Apoch, don't give up.
posted by msali 28 December | 22:04
dear The Whelk,

An ex-boyfriend of my good friend sent me a poem that he wrote recently about romantic love. Is he confused or is this just the result of his hippy upbringing?

Sincerely,
typewriter
posted by typewriter 28 December | 23:35
Dear The Whelk,

Why do I keep thinking it's a brain tumor when really my ponytail holder is just on too tight?

Best,
twiggy
posted by Twiggy 29 December | 00:39
Should I get my hair cut?

NEVER. Resist!

PS - No really, how do I explain to a three year old that I haven't wrapped his Christmas present and still save face?


Make up an entertaining story about a wonderful gift left in a sock or a shoe by The New Years Fairy who only gives gifts to children who don't ask too many questions.


At what point should I just give up?


After you finish.


An ex-boyfriend of my good friend sent me a poem that he wrote recently about romantic love. Is he confused or is this just the result of his hippy upbringing?


The only way around this are a series of romantic comedy hi-jinks and fake twins and double backstabs - don't stop til you get arrested.


Why do I keep thinking it's a brain tumor when really my ponytail holder is just on too tight?


The ponytail is cutting off vital chi to your brain, causing distress you are mistaking for a tumor. Release yourself from the tie that binds you! Let your locks free!
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 05:47
Dear The Whe1k,

Who invented the speed of light? Who enforces it?

OK, this is really a homework question. You do homework questions, don't you? I need it by Friday. Thx.

DF
posted by DarkForest 29 December | 07:18
The speed of light represent the fastest a phton has ever gone in the All-Particle Track And Mixer. Ah128900xb won the Strange Quark for his stunning record of 186,282 miles per second. Since then his estate carefully ensures his record is never reached by distorting the mass and time of anyone attempting. Holding onto the title of the Fastest Thing Ever is very lucrative and they don't want anyone else cutting into the t-shirt sales.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 07:55
Dear The Whelk,

Is your name a Monty Python reference?

Cordially,
soundofsuburbia (Mrs.)
posted by soundofsuburbia 29 December | 08:16
Yes. It is also a Final Fantasy 3/6 reference.

I remain in an uncollapsed wave state of new and old geekery.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 08:18
Dear The Whelk,
how do I stay motivated to finish my projects at work when it seems like everyone in the world including my coworkers has this week off?
-lonely in the office
posted by rmless2 29 December | 08:21
Assign personalities and complex backstories to the various bits of equipment, forms, and projects. By the end of the day you should have a drama to rival Dallas or another outdated reference.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 08:40
does a well tailored suit help you 'carry' new weight better than the jeans/t-shirt combo? I know sometimes the cut of a t-shirt can really make things seem better I wonder whether I should [barney stinson voice]suit up[/barney]
posted by Firas 29 December | 09:25
Yes yes it does. Suits are designed to streamline a man's appearance and a good fit is always an improvement.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 09:41
Dear The Whelk,

What's wrong with masturbation?

Yours,

Meatbomb
posted by Meatbomb 29 December | 11:42
The way you do it. Ease on the dead man's grip dude.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 12:15
Oh, good. I can give it away, along with the one filled with raspberry goo. Thanks!
posted by aniola 29 December | 13:08
Dear The Whelk,

Earlier today I noticed that there were two dirty pans sitting on the stove after I had already washed all the other dishes and drained the sink. It threw my whole "I'm in housework mode now" equilibrium out of whack. Should I just give up and never do housework again?

Please say yes.
posted by amyms 29 December | 14:55
Amyms - sit upon the cast iron and contemplate.
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 15:08
Dear The Whelk,

I don't have any cast iron. Can I sit upon stainless steel instead, or will that negatively affect my contemplating abilities?
posted by amyms 29 December | 15:21
Only if you hold an egg in one hand
posted by The Whelk 29 December | 16:02
Thank you, The Whelk. Your help has been immeasurable.
posted by amyms 29 December | 16:24
Dear The Whelk,

I had an idea for an intricately crafted supernatural adventure set in modern day America, filled with gods, demons and magic when I discovered
that a man named Neil Gaiman has already done it and definitely done
it better. Question: should I continue with the story anyway and just
add more gay sex to tramp it up a bit? Y/N?
posted by Avenger 30 December | 01:33
Dear Mr. Avenger

Gay sex makes everything better, like chocolate or garlic or ginger. Spread it madly and wildly about and such fruits will grow.
posted by The Whelk 30 December | 01:54
Also American Gods has only one gay sex scene so you have room to expand.
posted by The Whelk 30 December | 01:55
Granted it is pretty hot (there is some hilarious audio of Gaiman describing how he..tried to realize his first man on man scene and oh it's so fun and flusteringly British )
posted by The Whelk 30 December | 01:58
Elephant snowball fight || Facts

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