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08 November 2010

Just another day in the hospital So, I spent the day in the hospital, having had an MRI scheduled for my shoulder problems. [More:] I've had a sore back all week, and when it came to contort my way out of the shoulder brace thing on the MRI machine, I twisted funny and my back went "Buh Bye". Three steps out of the dressing room, and I went down like a sack of potatoes.

(Incidentally, I wonder if Homeland Security knows about MRIs? Twenty minutes in, I confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby, and 30 minutes in, I had confessed to my part in the conspiracy to assassinate JFK. Any longer, and I might have confessed to sandpapering the o-rings on Challenger).

So, there I am on the floor like a lump of goo. Fortunately I was in the hospital already, and they kind people in the MRI place put me in a wheelchair and trundled me up to the ER.

I have to say this in favor of the VA: our local VA hospital seems a model of efficiency and caring, as opposed to my experiences in for-profit hospitals recently.

Back to the action: The Er doc did a pretty complete (to me) neuro workup, since my major problem seemed to be that I could not lift my left leg without tons of pain. At one point, he gave me the old digital rectal exam, and as he probed, announced I had "Good Tone". I shot back "I didn't know I was trying out for the orchestra!"

The next sound I heard (since my little cubicle was *rightnext* to the nurse's station) was a wave of laughter.

The doc announced that I had to have a CT scan, and I would be getting some morphine for the pain, and someone would be by to wheel me down to the CT place. One of the nurses came by with that sweet vial of morphine and literally shot me with it as I was being rolled out into the hallway for the CT.

Arriving in CT-land, a young lady named Shannon helped me slide off my gurney and onto her machine. Fortified as I was with morphine, when she told be she was going to pull my pants down a little I told her I usually waited until at least the second date for that. I'm so swayvee and deboner on drugs.

(And I don't know why they call it a cat-scan anyway. I didn't see one goddamn cat anywhere in the room.)

Another thing about me and morphine: I should have tattooed somewhere on my body: "Before administering drugs, remove cellphone". In the hallway outside the ER, I decided it was a good idea to call my daughter. Since "Jennifer" is right next to "Jessamyn" on my phone... yep, I drug-dialed Jessamyn.

*headagainstthecoldmetalgurneyrail*

I think I apologized to everyone in Vermont. It's a little hazy now. Sorry, Jess.

I'm home now, armed with muscle relaxers and instructions for followup. An interesting day, to be sure: my first MRI, and my first CT scan, all in the same day. 9 hours in the VA hospital. I've been to the VA hospital 3 times for appointments, etc, and now this. I've never met someone who wasn't genuinely cheerful and helpful. It's so different from private hospitals. I wish I'd been here for the spider incident.

So, how was your day?



Holy cow.

Stop falling apart dammit!
posted by gomichild 08 November | 04:02
My day was certainly not as interesting as yours.
Haven't you had enough hospital time lately, what with the spider bite and all?

I've had whatever viral infection my husband suffered through since last Sunday, starting on Thursday. All I've wanted to do was sleep, take meds for symptoms, and eat (please understand I normally have a little appetite).

If it helps any, when I was in New Orleans for the MeFi 10th, I called coldchef rather late in the evening, and his initial response was, "Are you drunk calling me?!" My response was, "Yeah, kinda." because it was kinda late and I was kinda drunk, but I wanted to find out if there was anything still going on and I new he'd know.

When I apologized to him at the official party the next night, he was very kind and jovial and explained had been on his way home after dropping off Jess and her fella.

What I'm saying is... they seem to be pretty used to it. And holy crap, at least it was good news.

Feel better soon!
posted by lilywing13 08 November | 04:10
I had my first MRI just the other week and I have to agree, that is torture. "Here, we need you to lay perfectly still in a very painful position for a long time. Oh, and we'll give you music, but the machine is so loud you can barely hear it. Remember, don't move, thanks."

I have no idea what Computerized Tomography is called a cat scan.

The VA has one of the first and most comprehensive electronic medical records, it's actually pretty cool.

Hope you feel better soon.
posted by apoch 08 November | 07:09
Coincidences abound! I too had my very first cat scan and MRI last week. While I lay in that terror-making contraption, I tried to figure out what noise band I had heard that used MRI sounds in their music. Never did come up with it. I am glad you had such a good experience at the VA hospital. You hear awful stories, and it's really nice to know that there are good places out there.

I would totally drunk or drug dial an admin.....if I had their number.
posted by msali 08 November | 07:44
My most recent CT scan wasn't too bad since it was just my left hand. Though I did flash for a moment on the torture scene from Syriana.
posted by Obscure Reference 08 November | 08:01
ack!
posted by The Whelk 08 November | 08:39
I'm home now, armed with muscle relaxers

Good to know it's not all bad.
posted by JanetLand 08 November | 08:42
I'm really sorry for your pain, but hopefully writing it out with such humor helped - it made me laugh out loud - "I drug dialed Jessamyn."

Feel better.
posted by rainbaby 08 November | 09:13
I found the MRI to be relaxing, if not for the noise. Just me, my thoughts, and a powerful magnetic field.
posted by Eideteker 08 November | 09:22
Take care, pjern! In the middle of this, it's great to hear you feel you're in good and caring hands at the VA.

During my cat-scan, I remember thinking "I would be fascinated by this if I weren't so goddamned terrified." (Of the accident that brought me there, not of the machine.)
posted by Elsa 08 November | 09:39
damn! hope you're feeling better soon!
posted by flapjax at midnite 08 November | 09:47
Gah! Day from hell, glad you're home & hope you feel better soon!
posted by mygothlaundry 08 November | 10:10
eeesh. Take those drugs! (hey, maybe they'll impair your scrabble game and I'll actually have a chance...)
posted by gaspode 08 November | 10:15
Last time I had a PET scan (which is sort of a CAT scan but they shoot you full of radioactive sugar, make you sit in an easy chair for an hour, then take 2.5 hours to scan you, very slowly, with your arms bound) I asked the guy if I could have a safe word. He laughed but did not let me have one.
posted by danf 08 November | 11:08
pjern, it is an utter drag that you are grappling with another medical problem -- get well soonest! -- but your sense of humor is in great shape. You cracked me up too.
posted by bearwife 08 November | 12:29
Sorry, Jess.

No problem! I MeMailed your daughter just to make sure that you did, in fact, get home safely.
posted by jessamyn 09 November | 14:19
What? Everybody has undergone an MRI or PET scan!?
You americanos are so lucky! Dutch doctors say "well, that's not uncommon. Take some more rest. Get more exercise. Here's a brochure about breathing exercises. Come back if it doesn't go away".
No MRI or PET scans for us.
It's pretty funny though to hear Germans or US Americans who've been to a Dutch doctor. Whine, whine, whine. Cold turkey from the medication entitlement!

beterschap pjern
posted by jouke 09 November | 14:45
I MeMailed your daughter just to make sure that you did, in fact, get home safely.

I love you for that. Thank you.
posted by pjern 09 November | 15:49
No MRI or PET scans for us.

It is helpful to know that an MRI machine is generally a profit center for the operator. Once the device is paid off, it's generally an excuse to print money.

I'm not sure why you reacted to the MRI the way you did. When I had my head cracked open, they basically locked my head in place and rolled me right into the thing, and I was mostly concerned about the huge headache I had.

I was cracking small jokes, too. I think they get a lot of that, and in cases like mine, it's a helpful indicator of your state of consciousness and so forth.
posted by dhartung 09 November | 16:40
Aww jerny, feel better soon. *hugs*
posted by IndigoRain 09 November | 20:15
Nurses are a tough audience. One told me she's heard every joke hundreds of times but loves every one of them.
posted by Ardiril 09 November | 21:02
I walked into a diner today || Is there anything more frustrating on earth than a new digital camera?

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