Just another day in the hospital So, I spent the day in the hospital, having had an MRI scheduled for my shoulder problems. →[More:] I've had a sore back all week, and when it came to contort my way out of the shoulder brace thing on the MRI machine, I twisted funny and my back went "Buh Bye". Three steps out of the dressing room, and I went down like a sack of potatoes.

(Incidentally, I wonder if Homeland Security knows about MRIs? Twenty minutes in, I confessed to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby, and 30 minutes in, I had confessed to my part in the conspiracy to assassinate JFK. Any longer, and I might have confessed to sandpapering the o-rings on Challenger).

So, there I am on the floor like a lump of goo. Fortunately I was in the hospital already, and they kind people in the MRI place put me in a wheelchair and trundled me up to the ER.

I have to say this in favor of the VA: our local VA hospital seems a model of efficiency and caring, as opposed to my experiences in for-profit hospitals recently.

Back to the action: The Er doc did a pretty complete (to me) neuro workup, since my major problem seemed to be that I could not lift my left leg without tons of pain. At one point, he gave me the old digital rectal exam, and as he probed, announced I had "Good Tone". I shot back "I didn't know I was trying out for the orchestra!"

The next sound I heard (since my little cubicle was *rightnext* to the nurse's station) was a wave of laughter.

The doc announced that I had to have a CT scan, and I would be getting some morphine for the pain, and someone would be by to wheel me down to the CT place. One of the nurses came by with that sweet vial of morphine and literally shot me with it as I was being rolled out into the hallway for the CT.

Arriving in CT-land, a young lady named Shannon helped me slide off my gurney and onto her machine. Fortified as I was with morphine, when she told be she was going to pull my pants down a little I told her I usually waited until at least the second date for that. I'm so swayvee and deboner on drugs.

(And I don't know why they call it a cat-scan anyway. I didn't see one goddamn cat anywhere in the room.)

Another thing about me and morphine: I should have tattooed somewhere on my body: "Before administering drugs, remove cellphone". In the hallway outside the ER, I decided it was a good idea to call my daughter. Since "Jennifer" is right next to "Jessamyn" on my phone... yep, I drug-dialed Jessamyn.

*headagainstthecoldmetalgurneyrail*

I think I apologized to everyone in Vermont. It's a little hazy now. Sorry, Jess.

I'm home now, armed with muscle relaxers and instructions for followup. An interesting day, to be sure: my first MRI, and my first CT scan, all in the same day. 9 hours in the VA hospital. I've been to the VA hospital 3 times for appointments, etc, and now this. I've never met someone who wasn't genuinely cheerful and helpful. It's so different from private hospitals. I wish I'd been here for the spider incident.

So, how was your day?