you can't really control what she thinks that precisely unless you want to make a big deal of the first go-round. Just be like "hey", avert your gaze and keep doing your thing. Cold shoulders are pretty clear

"So you're here?"
"yeah. I'm in the middle of something."

"see you around.."
"bye."

While in motion, if she notices you, you say, oh hey, and keep walking. If in motion and she hasn't yet noticed you, walk so she doesn't see you.

Do you want to have a "hi" kind of contact, or the kind in which you ignore that she exists?

It seems easier to just have a cordial "hi" type of thing, whenever you cross paths. If she asks you about this, or tries to extend contact beyond that then you will need to explain it. Not fun. . .I have never been in that sitch. . .good luck.

Don't even say hi if you see her. Just nod. That means you're acknowledging her existence and aren't interested in being malicious or dramatic, but have nothing to say.

I feel like I need to do a little more than the Hi-and-keep-walking thing if we end up accidentally making eye contact. [And she recognizes me. She might not. My hair is much longer, and I almost always wear a hat and sunglasses outside. So possibly she wouldn't notice me, which would be the best scenario.]

A couple of reasons why I feel that way: First, we were together for four years and made two cross-country moves together. So, while I really do want absolutely nothing to do with her, it would be more awkward not to acknowledge her, given that we'd be running into each other 3,000 miles from where we first started dating. (Maybe that's just the politeness that was instilled in me as a kid?) Second, I think I want to be proactive in cutting off contact and not give her a chance to try to pursue it, because I know how she is.

What I'm thinking, then, if I don't manage to avoid her and there is some exchange, is to say, "Yes, I've seen you on this street. This is where I work. I know your office is nearby as well and we will probably encounter each other from time to time, but I want to make it clear that ________."

And that's where I stall.

"make it clear that we don't have to talk or exchange news or greetings or anything every time we meet. I think that would be better for me." Something like that? You're not actually saying the words, "I don't want to talk to you," but I think the message would still get across.

Having been on the receiving end of this (with the "you're all up in my hood" thing, even though HELLO it's a public place and they have good food and free shuttles to the hockey game, OKAY???), I think I'd just prefer the hello/wave and then nothing else. You don't have to respond to her, and really, you don't want to make small talk with her either.

So a wave and a hi is enough so you're acknowledging without doing the creepy "I don't see you" thing (when everybody knows you TOTALLY DO... grrr...). But leaving it at that and simply not responding to anything else sets the tone pretty well without it falling into the need for an actual explanation. Because if you're not in each other's lives, you're not in each other's lives, and that's all there is to it.

It's like seeing your Starbucks barista at the movie theater: you have a relationship, but it's not the kind of thing that lends itself to the larger world.

I think I'd keep the hellos brief, brisk, and civil, and hope that she would pick up on the tone and realize that you're not encouraging further social contact.

If she doesn't pick up on that, if she suggests meeting for coffee or catching up or any other social encounter, then it seems smart to launch into a civil clarification like the one you start above: "I know your office is nearby as well and we will probably encounter each other from time to time, but..."

For the "but..." how about "but I'm not comfortable trying to be friends" or "but I hope we can respect each others' privacy" or "but I think it's best that we keep this a waving acquaintance."

On preview, Melismata says what I mean, only more clearly:

So a wave and a hi is enough so you're acknowledging without doing the creepy "I don't see you" thing (when everybody knows you TOTALLY DO... grrr...). But leaving it at that and simply not responding to anything else sets the tone pretty well without it falling into the need for an actual explanation.

I did once do the I DON'T SEE YOU LA LA LA thing with an ex, but it was in a small town, I was on my first really great date since we had split, and MY EX TURNED AROUND ON HIS BARSTOOL AND WATCHED US FOR THE ENTIRE EVENING. I think it's safe to say I am not the creepy one in that scenario.

*cough*Madamina*cough*

Yeah. I dated my ex for a year (with six more months of being wishy washy), and I had warned my now-fiance (J.) that we would run into him on hockey night. Two years later, it's still weird. He is very "scorched earth" in trying to ignore my existence, while his friends are more, well, friendly. But on the first hockey night of last year, the ex had a new girl, and when I came back from the bathroom J. was all, "Yeah, she was TOTALLY checking you out." Which she SHOULD have been doing, because awwwww yeeeeah.

It's hard, but just do what you would do without the terrible horrible no good very bad history behind it. That way, you'll have no reason to explain your behavior except to shrug and say you weren't doing anything out of the ordinary. Because you weren't.

I'd keep it brief, just a hello, yes, I'm fine, I hope things have worked out for you, bye.

Then, if there's another meeting where conversation is initiated, at that stage I'd make it clear that I've moved on with my life and no, it doesn't involve you. Goodbye.

Which she SHOULD have been doing, because awwwww yeeeeah.

This is the best thing I've read all day.

This may be my black humors coming out, but I think that perhaps when you see her, you should shout, "BOO! BOO! QUEEN OF SLIME! QUEEN OF FILTH! QUEEN OF REFUSE!"* and run away.








I totally need to watch The Princess Bride again.

Yeah, I would just go with a smile and a hello. Acknowledge that you know each other and move on quickly.

Most of the time when we play these things up in our heads - that just means they're far more important to us than to others. So, don't try to plan for *any* particular scenario.

Be polite to her - that doesn't mean you're being unnecessarily nice.

If it sounds like she's going to want to be in further contact just tell her you're not willing to do that. Keep it simple like that.

I had a reunion two weeks ago where I had to deal with someone I had despised. We managed to be civil to each other, but it was made clear that we weren't ever going to be friends.