Gravity's Rainbow. It would be a master class in judicious editing, and I'm sure no two people would streamline the story (and its myriad diversions) in precisely the same way. I'd want a whole host of versions done to illustrate this fact.

If I could decree it and not actually do the adaptation myself, I say Louise Erdrich is writing the most theatrical fiction currently on my radar. The recent stuff -" Plague of Doves", "Shadow Tag", short story "The Shawl" and other short stories - the material is rich for stage or film. Intense family relationships plus symbolism and deep deep images.

I would get Sam Shepard on board for the adaptations. Movies? Let's get Clint Eastwood.

I turned a James Thurber story (A Couple of Hamburgers) into a play once. Not two hours, but I chose it because his dialogue was so complete -- turning it into a play was a cinch. Never performed, but I might still have the script somewhere . . .

I've always wanted to turn Saki's short stories into a kind og Victotian sketch comedy show.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I think Pirsig's idea that combining "rationality" and "being in the moment" can potentially bring a higher quality of life is more needed than ever and it could make a compelling play.

The Sibley Guide to Bird Life and Behavior; it's what Aristophanes would have done.

I would be very lowbrow and pick something with hysterically funny dialogue . . . and unfortunately the books that come to mind really aren't literature at all. These include the Evanovich Plum series, quite a few Georgette Heyer novels, and a surprisingly large number of Dean Koontz books.

I can't believe I've outed myself like this. Yes, I have read LOTS of trash.

Also, I am still hoping someone makes Terry Brooks' Demon series into a movie.