I am similar, had a five year relationship beginning when I was 19 and never anything as long since. But although I would love to be in a great relationship, I don't think the single life blows.

What's the key to your positive attitude amro?

No compromises. No wrangling. No arguing over stupid crap. No having your heart torn out and thrown on the floor and jumped on. No having the covers stolen. Freedom.

There are lots of pros to the single life.

Power of positive thinking, eh? It's true that I've never liked the heart torn out and stomped on part of the whole romance thing.

I spent the majority of my adult life single. It was all pretty wonderful, even when at times it would have been great to have a relationship. To me, the key was to really do my best to have an awesome life that I loved. To travel, to get involved in things, to take advantage of my freedom, to revel in the abundant time I had to follow my interests and do exactly what I wanted. Not waiting for someone to come along to be my partner in doing stuff I loved, just doing it anyway. Liking the life you have, really enjoying and investing in it, is the key.

It's true that relationships can bring you lots of pleasure and joy, but they do change your life, too. Without a doubt you'll have more relationships, but don't let worrying about relationships take away from the time you have and the things you can do now, today.

We should hang out.

What's the key to your positive attitude amro?

I don't need a significant other to make me a whole person, I am that on my own. If I find someone with whom I click wonderfully and completely, fantastic! Gravy! In the meantime, I have a good life.

Yeah, you guys are right. I often appreciate the freedom of being single. And I am really happy about most aspects of my life and feel good about my friendships etc. Mostly I just miss snuggling more often. And having someone around who I can tell more of my day to day stuff to, and hear theirs. I mean, friends are awesome and allies and stuff, but there's something different about intimate partners that way.

Hildegarde, we can't hang out! You're in Canada!

Life in a relationship always looks more attractive from the outside, in my experience. As does single life...

I have hung out with Hildegarde. I did need to go to Canada however. Was worth it.

by not hanging out with Canadians, you are reducing your dating pool of polite and friendly people by 36 million :p

Not to mention my chance at free medical care!

you could always date a Swede I suppose :p

Yeah, the single life does kinda blow. I don't know, though, after I broomed the spring romance to the curb I felt weirdly freed. When I went in I was all, well, there's nothing out there and he's okay and it's better than nothing and then 2 months later, I thought, hmmm, you know, I was wrong, nothing IS better than this guy. And yes, nothing is. If I end up alone forever, well, that's okay, I'm used to it and it's better than a bad relationship any hour, day or month.

/me would happily date Canadians. It's only, um, a few hours drive. Just a few! Well, less than 30. Depending on where you are.

One of the things I like about being single is that I can take a lot more chances/adventures/wild hares/odd choices/crazy paths/weird obsessions. I don't have to take anyone else's needs/opinions/constraints/complete hatred for what's currently thrilling me.

Life in a relationship always looks more attractive from the outside, in my experience. As does single life...

Good observation. You can't (really) have both at once, and each has its tradeoffs, like anything in life.

I made an accidental comment the other night about singleness -- well, more about not getting laid -- of which I was quite ashamed. We were visiting some friends, a longtime couple (Mr. A and Mrs. A.) and the husband's best friend since junior high (B., whom the wife occasionally refers to as "my auxiliary husband"). B. hasn't had a partner in a looooong time, and I knew it.

So we were several beers in, discussing how my partner's old roommate had FINALLY gotten together with someone after at least eight years of being alone. Of course, she's across the pond, but I digress. And as we rubbed it in with an "OH MY GOD EIGHT YEARS!!!" B. raised his hand and said, "10 and counting." Which I knew. Who has two thumbs and no tact? THIS GIRL.

My partner said, "Well, after a while it just becomes kind of a point of pride!"

"Spoken like someone who has never had a significant drought," I said. (I should know.)

It's not like he NEEDS a partner. He's a great guy who is quietly confident in who he is. He happens to be short and nerdy, but it suits him. He's witty, capable and owns his own house.

In fact, I think he may be TOO good to hook up with someone. Knowing myself (I was in the running for about six seconds after my divorce) and other females, particularly the desperate over-35s whom he'd be up against, anyone who isn't 100% comfortable with themselves (as he is with himself) wouldn't work. And if he's 100% comfortable, why get out there?

I think everybody deserves the chance to share their life with someone. This is probably shaped by the fact that I am currently sharing my life with someone. I just wish I knew how to help my friend without being That Yenta.

I just wish I knew how to help my friend without being That Yenta.

What makes you think he needs help?

I hate to directly contradict amro, but, please, on behalf of many of us singles, go on and be That Yenta. I wish more people would get out and do it. I keep telling my friends, look, go ahead and set me up, introduce me, how the hell else do you think I'm ever going to meet anyone? And they sort of shuffle their feet and are all, well, then you'd both hate us and it's so awkward and we really don't know anybody and oh, um. Then I just want to shoot them. It's so hard to break out of your own comfortable social circles and meet new people; I can never seem to do it for myself. I'm shy and awkward with new people and so I really, really appreciate it when my friends make an effort to bring along other friends I might not have encountered before.

That's just it. I don't think he needs help. He seems like he's perfectly fine as he is, and it's entirely possible that he'd prefer to stay this way. I don't want to harsh his mellow, yo.

I would mainly just like to help put him in the position of being able to choose to be single or not. Nobody has to bend over backwards. If I found someone worthy of his particular brand of charm, that'd be awesome, but I'm not going to go around making fake match.com profiles on his behalf. That'd be creepy.

It just gets really tiring being your own cheerleader all the time, you know?

But mgl, you have told your friends to go ahead and be yentas. If Madamina's friend has done that too, or expressed sadness at being single and a wish for something different, then I'd say she should go ahead. She didn't say that, and the impression I got was that he's satisfied. But maybe I'm wrong.

I would mainly just like to help put him in the position of being able to choose to be single or not.

Are you sure he's not in that position? I definitely don't have to be single.

As with anything it's probably always wise to ask if someone wants yentaing, but yeah, after a certain age spontaneous romantic encounters became much less frequent for me, so being yentaed is helpful!

(Oh, and I missed madamina's comment right before mine, in case that's not obvious. But she kind of reinforces what I was saying.)

Just visited two college friends who have families. One was/is the most together, ambitious, smart, positive person that I know. Her husband (I was insanely jealous that she found someone while still in college) is unemployed, depressed, bad with money, dealing with anger issues, and won't lift a finger to help with the house or kids despite being home all day.

The other just had a baby and seems to be doing well, except that her husband, who is thrilled with the baby and generally doing his share of the work, is now getting drunk most evenings, and hiding bottles and denying it. She's planning an intervention soon, and preparing to face the consequences.

A fucking good reminder that being married does NOT solve all problems.

But it fucking sucks, SUCKS being so lonely. WTH, God/Whomever?

Yeah, amro, you're right, this is true, I suppose you should not yenta without being called for. I have asked my friends to go on and yenta out and it's not happening, but I do understand that too. Once you're in your forties there really are hardly any single people out there and a high percentage of the ones who are single are that way for a damn good reason (they are like parking spaces: handicapped, taken or way the hell out there.) I just get frustrated because my own social circle is very tightly knit and composed almost completely of couples except for me and my one other single friend. While I love my friends, I'd also like to meet some new people every so often.

they are like parking spaces: handicapped...

We can still read. ;-P

heheh

Yeah, cuddling good. The rest can be kind of a mixed bag.

heheh Ardiril I count myself among the way the hell out there ;-)

Even though I have a boyfriend who seems to be stickin (like good soul food), because we only see each other on weekends (he's got custody of his teenager during the week), I live this odd half-single, half-not life. During the week, I'm single, on weekends, I'm not.

It fits my life right now exactly and until his kid gains his majority (3 years!) we're not likely to get real serious and besides, I haven't carved out my publishing empire yet, and I can and have still traveled and done things on my own...

I like having both worlds.

During the week, I'm single, on weekends, I'm not
I've often seen this as a perfect solution, providing the best of both worlds.

I had a friend who was always trying to set me up with guys and it was awful. She was so pushy and obvious about it and it was terribly embarrassing and awkward for me and the guy in question. She wasn't even picking out any quality guys nor did she have any reason to think we'd be compatible — any single male was good enough for me, apparently, even if he couldn't speak in complete sentences, was totally unattractive or twice my age, had a drinking problem or was a jerk. And when I wasn't interested and asked her to stop trying to intervene she'd get mad and say she was just trying to help me and that it was my own fault I'm single. Notice that I refer to her in the past tense.

I think if I had single friends whom I thought would be a good match, I would go about it very differently. I would not say anything to either of them about each other. I'd just have a dinner party or arrange some kind of social event and invite them both, plus some other people, so that it wouldn't feel like a set up. I might do this several times if I thought having more time to jel would help matters, but otherwise I'd just let things happen or not.