"I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" from the recently reincarnated Series 53: "In recognition of his contributions to dental health, the city council put a plaque on his house. He came out and scraped it off"→[More:]

From the first round "Oxbridge English Dictionary":

Internet: Where the English World Cup team has failed to put the ball.

Neutron: Ronald the Newt

Electron: Vote for Ronald the Newt (even funnier in the US where Newt is currently running for the title of Ronald)

Balderdash: Rapidly receding hairline.

Phlegmatic: Battery-operated handkerchief.

Warehouse: A person who turns into a house at the full moon. (check spelling)

Asterisk: The chances of being hit by an asteroid.

Fallacy: Like a penis.

Pillage: A pharmaceutically dependent village.

Pastoral: Too old for foreplay.

Article: To tease a pirate. (leading into a string of pirate "arr" puns that I will not repeat here)

I dare you to try to do better, and if you don't, I shall.