MetaChat - What's the last stupid thing you argued over?

I realized recently that I rarely fight with anyone about anything.

posted by amro 28 July | 20:07

These kind of arguments, which I'm happy to say are pretty infrequent anymore, usually only happen when we're both too drunk to remember what they were about later.

posted by BoringPostcards 28 July | 20:09

I got in a Facebook fight with my brother about Macs vs. Windows laptops. Not entirely seriously, but not entirely not seriously, either. I think the previous thing we fought about was guitarists. Much of our interaction is defined by stupid fights with semi-serious undercurrents. Fun familial weirdness.

posted by EvaDestruction 28 July | 20:15

I can't remember. The mister and I rarely argue about anything. It's kind of sickening how in sync we are with each other.

I fully expected at least one argument between my mum and I on our road trip (it's usually about how she screwed up some directions), but that didn't happen.

posted by deborah 28 July | 20:43

My partner is actually very, very even-tempered and has a remarkably high tolerance for inappropriate behavior. (Make of that what you will.) But sometimes he gets ticked off about things, and then he makes karate-chop motions with his hands as he winds himself up. It's actually kind of funny. He calls it "percolating," which is pretty apt.

A couple days ago, he flipped out (as much as he ever does) because here in Madison, unlike the happenin' metropolis of Cedar Rapids, we start our shows at the blisteringly early time of 9 PM. "You should be going on at 11!"

"Yeah, and be out at 2?"

"If you go in any earlier, you can't have dinner!"

"So have dinner at 6! Or 7! Or even 8! Geez!"

posted by Madamina 28 July | 21:08

All of our really dumb arguments involve Sarah Palin, somehow.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 28 July | 21:10

Disagreements between Mrs. Beese and myself concerning the year a movie was released have grown so impassioned that they've sent me angrily whirling towards Wikipedia for vindication.

posted by Joe Beese 28 July | 21:11

That's the funny thing - we almost NEVER fight. We are both translators, and total word nerds. When he questioned a term I had used in a translation this afternoon, I was all like, "Nuh-uh, you didn't!", and he was all, "Oh yes I did!", and I was all, "Context, bitch, you're all form over function!", and he was all like, "Whatever, I'm right and you don't know what you're talking about." Of course, I then spent the next half hour PROVING HIM WRONG, and of course, I DID. I threw it in his face and did my happy little "Who's the correct translator?!" dance, pointing and laughing. Stupid arguments about word usage are the most common types of argument in our household.

posted by msali 28 July | 21:11

We have a monthly argument with my son ('we' being his girlfriend and I) about washing dishes. We don't mind washing them, but they are not clean enough for him. So, he says he will do the dishes from now on, but then he never does them. Recurse here.

posted by Ardiril 28 July | 22:01

Almost all of my arguments with - well at this point - EM's father are stupid.

Yesterday he was angry at me for leaving a dribble of milk in the sink. Today it was for putting EM in diapers that didn't have his name written on them (because he was going to daycare and heaven forbid they put some kids dirty diaper in the trash bag of another). Of course at 5:30am when I changed him making sure his name was written was the last thing on my mind. Took two seconds to solve, dropped EM's pants and wrote his name on them. Once he flew into a rage because my sock drawer was untidy (we don't share sock drawers and he never sees mine so it's bewildering why this was a problem).

Pretty much everyday it's something I didn't do or failed in doing. Never mind that I do all of the cooking, most of the cleaning and caring for EM. As well as try to manage a freelance design career. The stupid arguments are really just a cover for bigger issues he refuses to discuss or a way to try and bring me down.

Stupid arguments have worn me down to the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him most days. Now it's just the count down to packing up and going.

posted by gomichild 28 July | 22:37

Whoa, I'm sorry that you're going through that, gomichild. That's really rough.

posted by unsurprising 28 July | 22:51

So sorry to hear, gomichild.

posted by amro 28 July | 23:17

Oh no. I'm sorry gomichild. When a relationship gets to that point, it is so sad, and drains everything out of you.

posted by serazin 28 July | 23:22

The boyfriend and I once had an argument about kinetic vs potential energy. As we're shouting back and forth, I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He shouted, "Yeah, go get a glass of water!" I retorted, "Why don't you go get a glass of science!"

Nothing is funnier than a glass of science.

posted by youngergirl44 28 July | 23:56

((gomi)) Hugs don't mean much from the other side of the world, but they are tight ones.

My husband and I don't argue much. Mainly it's me telling him to turn his (angry, punk-rock) music down, because the kid doesn't sleep in a separate room. I can't wait until we move.

posted by gaspode 29 July | 00:20

((gomi))

We should probably fight more, we gloss over stuff, but that's the system we grew together, so.

Worchestershire sauce, and whether I grasped the meaning of the term or not. I did, but had purchased a Lea & Perrin's Steak Sauce previously. 'NOT THE THICK KIND" "I know, it's not thick." "ONE TIME YOU GOT A THICK KIND." "No, that was a different product, I'll get." "GRUMP IDIOT VEGEHOOVIAN." "I'll GET it!"

posted by rainbaby 29 July | 00:50

Thanks kids - sorry to be a downer.

posted by gomichild 29 July | 00:51

(((gomi)))

A lot of our fights happen because of a misunderstanding over txt. The fight escalates over txt until I finally call him and he tells me he can't talk while he's at work then tries to resume the fight over txt. GAH. Nothing worse than fighting in fragmented sentences.

posted by rhapsodie 29 July | 01:29

Stupid arguments have worn me down to the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him most days. Now it's just the count down to packing up and going.
Replace 'him' with 'her' and I'm with you.

As far as what's the last stupid thing we argued over, it was because I did the vacuuming. Go figure.

posted by dg 29 July | 01:46

Ugh, so sorry dg and gomi. That's a miserable situation to be in. *hug*

posted by BoringPostcards 29 July | 04:50

This really helped. I was about to be snotty over something dumb*, but now I'm reconsidering: I'm frustrated, but it's not worth fighting over. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me.

We fight rarely, and almost exclusively over the stupid dishes, though it's pretty obvious that we aren't fighting exclusively about the dishes. It's a trigger point for other concerns as well as an actual point of irritation for us both.

*Something dumb: After waiting two weeks for a low-humidity day, I made fancy meringue cake decorations last night... but I kept nodding off while waiting for them to cool enough to put in the air-tight tin, where they'll keep for weeks. The Fella, who was staying up, offered to put them away in a couple of hours if I would just GO TO BED for goodness sake.

I woke up this morning and saw my beautiful meringues still out on the counter, ruined from sitting out in damp air all night. I'll have to wait another few days or weeks for a dry day and start over: all my work and time is wasted, and it would have been so goddamned easy for me to take care of it myself.

posted by Elsa 29 July | 09:07

Worchestershire

The late great Godfrey Cambridge once said that American black people are responsible for the provenance of that name. A guy turns to his wife, small bottle in hand, and says, "wha'sthishere sauce?"

(He's dead now but I'll be here all week.)

posted by danf 29 July | 09:42

Yeah, I don't argue much either. Two days ago, guy at work (the one who rejected me but keeps slobbering anyway for some reason) asked me if I was doing any dating this summer, and I was patiently trying to explain to him why that's a rude question coming from him, and he was either not getting it or just pretending to not get it. Don't people usually learn this stuff by the time they're 30?

posted by Melismata 29 July | 09:46

Organic at twice the price, or conventional? My wife insists on buy organic whenever there is that option, regardless of the price and the actual benefit. I am the payer, so I also look to conservation of dollars in the budget.

Also, I am a big consumer of Cetaphil skin cream, and she insists that I am poisoning my self with all of the "chemicals" and that the products in the Shikai she uses are so much better than the Cetaphil. Also, whether an ounce of Roundup represents the onrushing apocalypse.

You see the pattern, I am sure.

posted by danf 29 July | 09:48

The last stupid fight was with Mr. Mirror's girlfriend (hello, poly household) about the stupid dishes in the stupid dishwasher. I was putting them away, you see, and that was wrong. That's her job. Which she doesn't do. And hadn't done to the point that there were no plates in the cabinet, dishes were piled in the sink waiting to go into the dishwasher, and the only clean ones in the house were in the dishwasher. I tried to explain that I just wanted to clean up the kitchen, because it was bugging me - household rule, if it bugs you, deal with it. Her feelings were hurt, and she took the act as a statement about her. Which, by that point, maybe it was. She hadn't done it, it needed doing, repeated requests for her to do it went ignored, so I did it. I don't know. It's still (kind of obviously) unresolved, and at this point I don't even want to go into the kitchen.

posted by lriG.rorriM 29 July | 10:09

Dumb thing update: I am SO GLAD that I didn't stomp around about my meringues --- when The Fella realized he'd forgotten them, he felt far worse than I did about them being ruined.

It turns out I was only a tiny bit upset about the actual meringues; I was really hurt at the idea that my work and careful planning maybe seemed trivial to him. But he didn't think that for a moment, and I'm glad I didn't make a big snotty deal about it.

posted by Elsa 29 July | 10:17

((dg and gomi))

posted by lysdexic 29 July | 10:20

Sorry to hear about your situation, gomichild.

Our last petty argument was about lentil burgers.

This thread is making me realize that we have a lot of petty fights, and I'm usually (okay, pretty much always) the one who starts them, because I get bugged about little things and she doesn't even notice little things. There's got to be a happy balance somewhere, but we haven't found it yet.

posted by mudpuppie 29 July | 11:26

((((dg and gomi))) to not be comfortable and loved in your own home is my idea of hell on earth. Nothing is worth that. Hope you guys are in a happier place soon.

We almost never fight as his Aspieness doesn't need to, he just goes and does what it is he said he wanted to do even after I disagreed and if I shout he simply ignores me. Since it takes two to fight, this is kind of incredibly frustrating for me but we've worked out a few codes that help.

But last night we argued, really argued which is almost unheard of.
He was going to take a trip to see his step-mother who is dying. This is a woman who by even a charitable reading of her behaviour manipulated his father into a will that favoured her and her children over his own kids, and as she was my husband's stepmother for a few years long after we were married and he lived in another country I know there is no emotional link there. So when I asked why he would do that, there really wasn't a good reason to spend money we can ill afford, and it turns out that he felt bad since his sister went to visit her (eh, she lives in the same country) he felt a certain social pressure to do that. Nothing else.

posted by Wilder 29 July | 11:28

I suspose that wasn't the stupidest thing, that was the red lacy underwear situation........but that's too stupid to recount

posted by Wilder 29 July | 11:29

hugs for dg and gomi. What a stressful sitaution, I'm sorry.

I complain about the volume on the TV. He doesn't listen to it loudly except when he is watching action-adventure movies.

Read no further unless you are dreadfully bored.

I can be snippy. Husband is pretty mellow and mature. He doesn't complain, snip, insult, or nag. He mainly minds his own business. I mind his business and sometimes I can be a nag. I try to work on my snipping. I have gotten so much better. My snipping brings tension, not necessarily verbal arguements. I snipped last night hen he decided to put junk mail that was trash on the floor next to his desk instead of in the trash can. He sorts it, tears it and puts it in a pile on the floor, later to be tranfered to the trash can. He left it there and that irks me. I felt the need to say something istead of just picking it up myself or letting it go.

Most of our other disagreements arise from me asking him to do something that I could easily do myself. If I'm not in the mood to pull the garbage bag out of the can, or replace with new liner, I'll ask him to do it. Usually he follows my lame requests without protest but last night I asked him to move a ladder for me three feet and we had a small argument over that. We are presently redoing our bathroom. I was stripping wallpaper from a bathroom and I aksed him to move the ladder into the bathroom. Instead of moving the ladder he starts ripping the tile off the shower and I was all like, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT NOW! I AM STRIPPING WALLPAPER!" He was all like, "WE CAN DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE! MOVE THE LADDER YOURSELF!"

A few minutes later we are the best of friends again.

posted by LoriFLA 29 July | 11:33

A peanut butter jar. In the sink. I can say no more.

posted by Splunge 29 July | 12:11

((((gomi)))) ((((dg))))

We don't argue so much as we get annoyed with each other. He is forgetful to the extreme (ADHD) but gets annoyed when I remind him to do something, and I get annoyed when he forgets to do it. So the last two rounds of this have involved calling the doctor's office and picking up drycleaning. (For various reasons, I couldn't do these specific things for him.)

posted by desjardins 29 July | 13:10

augh, gomi & dg. Condolences. Been there. Burned the T-shirt.

There's something to be said for being totally single. I could fight with the kids - god knows I have reason - but I'm so pathologically nonconfrontational that I won't even do it. Instead I just wander around simmering in fury until I do something brave like leave a Passive-Aggressive Note (tm) which they will not notice until I draw their attention to it and then they'll be all, ha ha, Mom, you are so funny! Then I will give up and do the dishes angrily. Oh well.
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by mygothlaundry 29 July | 13:13

Big internet hugs to both gomi and dg.

posted by deborah 29 July | 13:58

((dg)) ((gomi)) I'm so sorry to hear this. Been there, hated it so, so much. There's nothing worse than turning onto your street and having your heart sink when you see your partner's car is at home. There should be a special word for the sort of dread you feel when you park your car beside theirs. Wishing you better days soon, both of you.

posted by toastedbeagle 29 July | 14:46

((dg)) ((gomi)) I'm so sorry to hear this. Been there, hated it so, so much.

Hugs heartily seconded (or thirded or X-ed). That stage is horrible, because home is supposed to be the place that is safe: it's supposed to be a haven from the stresses of the world outside. When home is unkind, too, everything else gets so much more taxing.

For anyone whose home isn't a haven, here a hug: (((you))) and here's hoping you can work through it, or move past it, or move on, whichever works for you.

posted by Elsa 29 July | 15:37

(((gomi and dg)))

Having been in a really bad and passive aggressive marriage (that ended when HE said he was done with it, despite my many hints and outright statements that it wasn't working), I thought my next relationship was tough but soooo healthy when we had arguments that ended up actually getting resolved. But boy, it took a toll. Then we broke up, and then I found my current partner, and I wonder why I put up with something that clearly wasn't right.

We just never know, do we? But we still deserved to be loved. The difficulties I've faced have made me so much more appreciative and careful with my current partner, who was in the same boat.

I have my tenderness and love for gentleness back. I hope you can get there, too.

posted by Madamina 29 July | 15:37

Also (((gomi and dg)))

I noticed that someone posted a question about such unbearable partners on AskMe. Maybe that person was inspired by this thread, and will get the valuable answers and strength that they need. We are awesome.

posted by Melismata 29 July | 16:07

Whuffles to dg and gomi.

Because I live alone, I don't have anyone to argue with. Except the cats. We have plenty of 'arguments' along the lines of

"Bailey! Don't jump on that chair!"

*Cat jumps on chair*

"Don't you even think of getting on the dining table!"

*Cat looks at dining table, looks back at me with disdain, jumps on dining table*

"Bailey! Get off that table!"

*Cat walks all over dining table*

"Don't make me come over there!"

*Cat sits down on dining table, makes me go over there, jumps down a nanosecond before I get to table*

Rinse, repeat. I never learn.

posted by Senyar 29 July | 16:24

Thanks for the hugs everyone. My situation has been going on for some time and most of it is directly related to his undiagnosed mental illness. I can't live with the person that has turned him into anymore - because the kind fun person I thought I'd married is too often buried and the angry attacking one comes out.

If you follow twitter you'll know there were more arguments last night - none of which made any sense whatsoever - and ended with him threatening to kill himself yet again. He stormed off in the car, but eventually came back luckily without having done anything stupid.

Moving away plans have been in motion for a while - I'm trying to pick myself up financially and deal with a shit load of paperwork to make sure I get custody of EM and I'm not deported. It's likely I will be moving back to Australia in the not so distant future.

I tried my very best to make things work but I'm tired of living in a freaking soap opera. His family are useless - they don't support the idea that he is ill and needs help. They have never helped me with him or EM.

Looking forward to peace and quiet (well as much as one can have with a two year old) and not having everything I do criticized and questioned.

posted by gomichild 29 July | 16:37

There's nothing worse than turning onto your street and having your heart sink when you see your partner's car is at home. There should be a special word for the sort of dread you feel when you park your car beside theirs. Wishing you better days soon, both of you.
Get out of my brain!

Yeah, thanks everyone. This is by no means a new situation and I'm sure it's as much my fault as hers (I can be kind of an arsehole). At the moment, it's really about the stress caused by both of us dealing with our daughter's depression differently. I'm pretty pragmatic and just deal with things and she stresses about everything and wants me to do the same, but I can't.

I've long thought that she has some sort of problem like bi-polar but any vague, carefully worded suggestion that we should seek some professional counselling is met with an angry rant about how it's all my fault and there's nothing wrong with her. I happened to overhear a conversation between her and her best friend recently where her friend reminded her that she needs to seek some treatment for her psychological problems because they are hurting her and the people around her. It's the first and only sign I've seen that anyone else is aware of the drama going on, but I've got no idea what to do next. Between kids, half-finished house etc, separating would be a messy, nasty affair that I don't want to put us all through. I've tried for years now to accept that this is the way things are and take the good with the bad, but the good seems to be vanishing and the bad just gets worse and worse.

posted by dg 29 July | 16:59

Hug hugs dg and gomi. We got your backs.

posted by msali 29 July | 17:17

Oh geez, Gomi and dg, hoping for liberation for both of you from these relationships. Everyone deserves love and appreciation from their partner, not this sort of grief.

My husband and I tend to have translator style arguments a la msali -- we argue about factoids sometimes on the way to work, then race into our workplaces so we can email each other our triumphant debunking of the other's position.(Unless we get busy and forget.)

Also, last night my husband got a little hurt because I was watching The Wire (end of season 2) while waiting for him to finish evening errands and come join me, and he thought I preferred "my" show to him and slunk off to his study, where I had to go and explain that I would have turned off Wire right away if he'd entered the living room where I was, and then we were OK again. (We can both be a little oversensitive sometimes.)

posted by bearwife 29 July | 18:18

I've long thought that she has some sort of problem like bi-polar but any vague, carefully worded suggestion that we should seek some professional counselling is met with an angry rant about how it's all my fault and there's nothing wrong with her.

I can't tell if "she" in the first part of your sentence refers to your daughter or your wife, but either way, if it's any consolation, my mother has bipolar and she became a new, wonderful person after seeking treatment. I wish the best for your and yours. You might consider contacting NAMI for some advice on how to deal with a potentially mentally ill family member (this is a US organization, not sure where you are).

posted by desjardins 29 July | 20:14

gomi and dg you guys are probably good on hugs for awhile but I have put some in the freezer for later. They thaw fast. There's enough for everybody, really.

My SO and I don't quite fight. The most recent stupid thing was last weekend, when it took us 4 hours to decide what to do about dinner. Usually when one of us is feeling down the other person will cover, but when both of us are feeling down it can take awhile before we give up trying to carry on in silence and start really talking about what's wrong.

posted by fleacircus 29 July | 20:32

(((gomi))) (((dg)))

We don't have fights really. There was a bit of a tantrum tonight because someone bought the wrong kind of rice and the texture when cooked wasn't as expected. All the moodiness in this house revolves around cooking.

posted by Twiggy 29 July | 22:58

*hugs gomi and dg*

Chupahija went into a rage when I didn't want to watch Terms of Endearment.

posted by brujita 30 July | 02:14

28 July 2010