MetaChat - SHOUTING THREAD

It's still early here so I'm not shouting yet, but TPS, I've sometimes had luck with small non-profit museums having cheap-ish spaces for rent (at least in San Francisco). Or maybe outside in a park?

posted by occhiblu 24 June | 10:30

hey Kate I know of a great place, at my place, the Biko Center, we have a big hall that we rent out very cheap BUT OH WAIT IT ALWAYS GETS DOUBLE-BOOKED BECAUSE NO ONE TAKES RESPONSIBILITY SO NEVERMIND UNLESS YOU WANT TO FIGHT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE PROMISED THE ROOM THAT DAY AND EVEN PUT DOWN A DEPOSIT AND DON'T COME TO THE BIKO CENTER ANYWAY FOR ANY REASON BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT AC THEY PULLED OUT OF THE BASEMENT WAS FULL OF BEDBUGS AND SO NOW WE HAVE BEDBUGS AGAIN AND THE LANDLORDS DECIDED TO RENOVATE THE FLOOR WHILE WE WERE LIVING HERE SO ALL THE HALLWAYS ARE CONSTRUCTION ZONES AND THE WHOLE PLACE IS FILTHY AS HELL AND OH I SEE SOMEONE STACKED A COUCH OUTSIDE MY DOOR AND I CAN BARELY SQUEEZE BY AND I ALSO NOTICED THAT THE REFRIGERATOR IS UNPLUGGED AND IN THE HALLWAY BLOCKING SOMEONE ELSES ROOM!

OH GOOD HERE'S THE BRIGHT SIDE, I JUST GOT MY BILL FROM MY EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT, WAIT THAT'S NOT THE BRIGHT SIDE AT ALL DAMN IT.

posted by fuq 24 June | 10:31

I had floated the idea of doing it outside with the mom-to-be, but she thought that could be a PITA, what with no accessible bathrooms and all (apparently pregnant ladies like to pee%2

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 10:39

who knew). There are other downsides as well, like the heat in August and the possibility of rain. But if I can find a good guaranteed outdoor spot with even decent bathroom accessibility, I'll buy her a fan and an umbrella and outside we go.

Or maybe I'm just unreasonable? Maybe paying $300-$400 just for space rental is what people do here in NYC? I'D REALLY RATHER NOT. I COULD SPEND THAT MONEY ON ALL SORTS OF OTHER THINGS I'D RATHER SPEND MONEY ON, LIKE THE BABY, OR EVEN BETTER, MYSELF.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 10:40

IF I AM BEING UNREASONABLE AND WE SHOULD JUST SUCK IT UP AND PAY, FEEL FREE TO SHOUT.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 10:46

I have never heard of people renting space for a baby shower. It seems crazy.

posted by JanetLand 24 June | 11:14

It does, doesn't it? But this is NYC, where everyone lives in a shoebox :(

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 11:22

TPS, can you just go to a restaurant and have a babyshower luncheon? Without many decorations, games, or hoopla? I may be spoiled with living in the suburban sprawl and all but many restaurants have a big room with seating for 20 or more that you don't have to "book" with an extra cost. It would be ideal if you could arrange something with a restaurant, where everybody gets the same entree and drink, with an arranged price for you to cover without having to rent a space and arrange catering.

How big is the guest list? There has to be a better way. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

posted by LoriFLA 24 June | 11:23

I'm looking into such things, but have yet to find a place that has captured my attention. Plus, the guest list is rather large, apparently. I believe the parents to be said they were looking to invite, like, 50 or more (including a number of out of town relatives they don't expect to come), and expect 30-35 to show. With a group that large, I don't know if a full meal will be cost-effective.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 11:29

Yes, that is large guest list. That would be cost-prohibitive. If it were around 10-15 that would be doable.

posted by LoriFLA 24 June | 11:38

COULD SOMEONE JUST TAKE A GUN AND SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW, IN THE FACE?

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 11:41

What about your church? Do they have a hall or room? I'm sure you have investigated this.

Does your apartment building have a common garden/yard area where you could pop up a white tent and tables and sling out some food?

Tell them they have to fly to Florida. You can have it at my house for free. :-)

posted by LoriFLA 24 June | 11:50

Oh, indeed, I have investigated the hall at my church. $350 rental fee. I'd rather give $350 to the church than some restaurant, but I'd REALLY rather have a free venue just fall from the sky.

The backyard at my house is too small for 30-35 (some will recall partying there years ago, but since then, the landlord has fenced up parts of the yard in response to a tenant's rowdy dog, leaving only a small concrete block for lounging).

In other words, to Florida we come. You have a pool, yes? It'll be perfect :D

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 11:53

RAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

RAAAARRARRRRRAAAAAAAAH!!!

GRRRRRRFFFFFFFAAAAAAA!!!

posted by Specklet 24 June | 11:58

Maybe paying $300-$400 just for space rental is what people do here in NYC?

I'd say that's not an unusual amount for space rental even outside NYC. It sounds pretty standard for the Boston/Northern New England area for a space that will accommodate 50 or so people.

Churches are the exception. We've been renting a function hall in a church for some Slow Food events for about $200. If your church isn't panning out, what about some other churches? You don't always have to be a member, as it's a revenue source for them.

it's crazy how hard it is to find a free venue. What time of year will this be? What about the parks? I can't recall and/or don't know what the NYC park facilities offer, but sometimes parks have a pavilion or hall that you can rent and do like a BBQ style gathering. Or, weather permitting, you could do a picnic, which could be very elegant.

If the parents want to invite so many people - are they paying? If so, I say go for the $350. it's not that nuts.

posted by Miko 24 June | 12:08

Not sure how useful this will be, but I just googled "Cheap event spaces NYC" and found this.

posted by Miko 24 June | 12:10

The parents have offered money, in theory anyway; we haven't had a discussion about it. I personally feel it's wrong for the guests of honor at a baby shower to pay; I mean, they're about to have a baby! They shouldn't be spending money on their own shower, they need money for their babby! On the other hand, I don't particularly want to shell out hundreds of my own dollars, so I dunno. I'm not too familiar with the park pavilion rental situations; I've only been to the kind of events where people just show up. It would be a pain to lug everything to and from a park, I would think; not having cars makes lugging difficult. I swear, before August 14th (intended date), I'm moving to the suburbs and buying a minivan.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 12:20

Check synagogues, too. I went to a wedding at this place and I bet they rent their space out pretty reasonably.

posted by amro 24 June | 12:24

Fifty plus people is an insane number of guests for a baby shower, among my friends the pattern has been to have multiple smaller showers each with unique guest lists divided up by social circles (like, his workmates, her workmates, friends from college, etc). Could you float an idea like that to the parents, where the shower you host is for whatever-social circle-you're-part-of and not half the city?

posted by jamaro 24 June | 12:29

I don't know that any of their other friends have offered to throw them showers; if they have, I haven't heard about it. So I think the choice might be to just leave people off the guest list, which I know they've been hesitant to, although they're reasonable folks and could possibly be talked into it.

Showers, man. I think a complete overhaul of the shower idea needs to happen. I think we should all save the money we spend throwing other people showers and going to other people showers and just spend it on ourselves. Not that I don't like celebrating big life events with my friends, but I feel like the expectations around these shower are always so unmanageable. It's become generally expected- a person getting married gets a shower, a person have a baby gets a shower. I offer to throw my friends' showers because I love them and I don't want them to not have anyone to throw them a shower, because that hurts. And particularly with baby showers, if there's not one, the parents have to go out and buy all the stuff they were expecting/hoping people would give them. Although from all the baby showers I've attended, it seems you get more cutesy, useless stuff than stuff you really need. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 12:42

I sorta hate showers. I declined all offers for showers when I got married because I already had a full household of stuff and why even suggest sticking my friends with the cost of yet another toaster. However, when I got pregnant my work buddies insisted on throwing me one at the office which turned out OK because it was hilarious hearing the stories of how two dozen single male software engineers debated upon and obtained the group gift: it was the first time any of them had stepped foot into a Babys R Us and I think the experience scarred most of them for life.

The parents don't have to go buy all new stuff other than a car seat. The secret about being pregnant is suddenly distant acquaintances and perfect strangers pop up to offer attics full of baby stuff that they had initially kept 'just in case' but have now turned into a storage nightmare. I think my kid was 6 before I actually bought him something new.

Anyway, all that to convince you that I truly believe you as a host are perfectly within the boundaries of politeness to host the party you want to host, within the limits of what you can physically and financially manage. Less than a dozen people in your apartment with finger sandwiches still makes you a wonderfully generous friend.

posted by jamaro 24 June | 12:59

WORST SHOUTING THREAD EVER.

heh heh. I kid, I kid.

posted by richat 24 June | 13:22

GRAR, hall rental is such a pain. YOUR PAIN, I FEEL IT.

Agreed with jamaro that any party you are able to throw is a great party, and a great gift to the expectant couple. It's perfectly reasonable to set some expectations about what you can and can't do, and you certainly have the delicate social skills to do that with tact.

Just brainstorming here, in case you end up looking for the larger venue:

Would it be at all helpful to look back through past Manhattan MeFi meet-up threads for hall/bar/restaurant recommendations? Some of those places must have private rooms big enough for your expected number of guests.

Obvious idea is obvious: If you end up in a park and have to transport goodies a long way, see if some of the guests have marketing baskets or wagons or anything else on wheels, or if non-guest friends of yours have some you could borrow. Heck, even packing stuff into wheeled suitcases would help.

When we were researching wedding venues, I was surprised to learn that some of our area schools will rent out halls for private parties --- though they didn't allow alcohol, which rules it out for us. For a baby shower, that might not matter.

posted by Elsa 24 June | 13:40

STUPID ITALY ARE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP. I ONLY CARE BECAUSE I HAD THEM IN THE SWEEPSTAKE AT WORK WHICH HAS A NICE FAT CASH PRIZE FOR THE WINNER.

posted by Senyar 24 June | 13:42

Showers, man. I think a complete overhaul of the shower idea needs to happen.

So. Here's my SHOUTING part of the shouting thread.

I am a one-woman revolution, and the motto of that revolution is "I WILL NOT GO TO YOUR BABY SHOWER."

Listen, expectant parents: I am so happy for you, and I am so excited for your blessed event. I will coo over your ultrasound and listen to your morning-sickness stories and buy you tiny socks and swaddling clothes and books and bottle brushes. When the baby comes, I will bring over coffeecake and quiche and pots of soup and loaves of bread, I will hold the tot while you nap or shower, I will be so happy for you.

But I will NOT spend another Sunday morning making nice over crumb cake and fancily wrapped gifts in a room with no coffee and no booze, choking back my own complex emotional cocktail of joy and envy and private grief, all the while nodding and purring at the teeny tiny hats and booties. I LOVE YOU AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU BUT I WILL NOT ATTEND YOUR BABY SHOWER.

posted by Elsa 24 June | 13:42

Hear hear, Elsa!

posted by Melismata 24 June | 14:00

Wish everyone felt that way!! If very fewy people wanted to come, finding a venue would be a lot easier :D

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 14:02

May I have a second shout, please?

OH MY GOD NEIGHBOR, COULD YOU PLEEEEEEEEEASE REPLACE YOUR SMOKE DETECTOR WITH A MODEL THAT DOES NOT GO OFF EVERY GODDAMNED TIME IT RAINS FOR AS LONG AS IT RAINS FROM THE MOMENT THE RAINDROPS FALL UNTIL THE MOMENT ALL MOISTURE EVAPORATES FROM THE GROUND? ONE THAT DOES NOT GO OFF FOR HOURS ON EVERY HUMID DAY? ONE THAT CAN DISTINGUISH BETWEEN WATER AND FIRE (WHICH FRANKLY SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY ELEMENTARY TASK FOR FIRE SAFETY EQUIPMENT).

PRETTY PLEASE?

CLEARLY YOU WORK AWAY FROM HOME BECAUSE OTHERWISE THE INCESSANT BEEPING WOULD DRIVE YOU INSANE ENOUGH TO BURN YOUR OWN HOUSE TO THE GROUND.

BUT I WORK TEN FEET AWAY.

SO I WISH I COULD BURN YOUR HOUSE TO THE GROUND BUT I WON'T. SIGH.

But the sad fact is: if someday they do have a fire, their house will burn to the ground, because it will never occur to any of their neighbors that this is anything but the usual daily nuisance.

posted by Elsa 24 June | 14:27

Just came in to add a note that I had booze at my modest baby shower (which my friends insisted they throw for me even though I wasn't keen on the idea).

posted by gomichild 24 June | 14:41

I served wine at the baby shower I recently threw for a friend.

You could have it at my house, TPS! I charge very reasonable rates!

posted by amro 24 June | 14:43

If you are easily accessible by public transit, I am SO taking you up on that offer :D

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 15:08

It isn't really about the booze or the coffee, but about the complex emotional cocktail. I know some people serve caffeine and liquor at showers, and I completely understand that pregnant women should have carte blanche to eliminate from their shower anything that might make them queasy, including booze and coffee.

But I'm not kidding: earlier this year, I made a conscious decision that I am permitted to decline politely all baby shower invitations... and more importantly, I gave myself permission not to feel even a tiny bit bad about it.

posted by Elsa 24 June | 15:33

70 minute train ride from Penn Station!

Elsa, I would like to do the same, only with bridal showers, for different reasons.

posted by amro 24 June | 15:57

I started doing an Elsa on wedding invites last year: while I'm still willing to attend weddings of people I hang out with, I'm opting out of attending the weddings of their children *unless* said offspring and I have had at least one conversation comprised of >100 words in the past year.

posted by jamaro 24 June | 16:12

Yeah, showers are weird. I always think they'll be low-key and fun, then it turns into some ritualized feminizing process. At the last one I went to, they had organized games with flowery bath products as the prizes, and the mother of the bride kept heaping these florid and pink-puffy-heart goodies on me in a sort of gender panic, as if she could make me fluffy and girly by sheer force of will.

In the build-up to my own wedding, I begged my best woman not to throw a shower. We compromised by having a super-girly tea party with cake and champagne and absolutely no gifts, but urging our guests to wear the fanciest thing they have lurking in their closets. (My best woman and I have a long-standing tradition of dolling up in our fanciest dresses and going out for a drink, for no good reason.)

And I totally understood when a faction of young hip friends opted out of the dress-up party. (A week or two later, they took me out and got me liquored up, which was amazingly sweet, and one of them said, "Dude, this is better. That sounded like an old lady party." I didn't point out: Dudes, I am an old lady.)

posted by Elsa 24 June | 16:32

At the last shower I went to, I ate some green shit that tasted like death. THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO TREAT YOUR FRIENDS WHO HAVE BOUGHT YOU GIFTS, LADIES.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 17:19

My beef with bridal showers is that I am already buying you a wedding gift and attending your wedding. What is the justification for asking for an additional wedding gift (plus the seemingly ubiquitous "wishing well" gift) and more of my valuable weekend time?

posted by amro 24 June | 17:23

I had an awesome coed baby shower for my friend - WHO HAD HER BABY TODAY WHOOO WELCOME TO THE WORLD LINCOLN!!!!! - a couple of weeks ago. We had tons of booze - bloody marys and mimosas and beers for all except Mama to be, poor thing - and we made tie dyed baby clothes, the real kind with good procion dyes. We had shrimp & grits & fruit & biscuits & cookies & deviled eggs (as you all know, if you do not have deviled eggs at showers the shower police will come and throw you in etiquette jail) and it was a blast. No stupid games. Good time had by all. And yeah, it was one of two showers: she had a work one and I gave her the friends one.

However there were like 12 of us, not 50. 50 is completely absurd. Even 35 is pretty damn absurd. Anyway, low key is the way to go and I think if they really want that many people than I would tell them it has to happen at the sheep meadow, or maybe somewhere with more shade, in the form of a picnic. Although, gods, yeah, the lugging will be awful. Perhaps you could say, hey friend, I love you and I am SO looking forward to hosting your shower for 6 of our closest friends in my apartment Then let some of the other 44 people take up the slack and toss other showers.

posted by mygothlaundry 24 June | 17:44

TPS, I am curious about the green shit. What was it?

I had some green shit last night at a "purse party". My god. I would have never gone but a close friend was throwing it. (It's a company called Thirty-One. They sell printed fabric purses which is usually not my thing.) The green stuff I ate wasn't shit, it was delicious. It was flashed asparagus wrapped in some sort of fancy cheese with honey and prosciutto. I ate a ton of those suckers.

My mother also has boycotted all showers and anything resembling a Tupperware party. She said she has been to enough in her lifetime thank-you very much.

Two weekends ago I went to a co-ed baby shower. It was fun. The couple is great and I was glad to be there for them. We did play stupid games. My friend, the hostess, put me in charge of the games. We had to draw babies on top of our heads on paper plates and there was a very tedious 20 question game that the bride and groom had to do and then compare in front of everybody. Ugh. The spread made it worth it -- brie, taco dip, veggies, chicken salad, buffalo chicken dip, and all kinds of yummy stuff. I'm mad we didn't have deviled eggs and booze!

posted by LoriFLA 24 June | 18:08

I know this turned into a baby &c. shower thread, but I need a shouting thread, so here you go:

I help run the local bike collective. It's run entirely by volunteers. Core volunteers have weekly shifts where they show up and run an open shop.

I got a phone call at 4:10 today saying that nobody had come by to open up the shop (it was supposed to open at 4pm), so I got on my bike and headed over to open up.

I asked this core volunteer to please call if he was ever going to be late. He insists that 10 minutes isn't worth calling about, and that he's not going to call, and that if I care about it so much, I should just show up at the start of all his shifts.

Yesterday a different person (who has done this at least twice before) didn't let anyone know that she wasn't showing for *her* shift. So I got a call (I live nearby) 30 minutes into *that* shift and went and covered the whole thing.

FRUSTRATION.

I like these people; they are my friends. I like being there. I appreciate that we're all volunteers and that nobody is doing this for money, and that what we do do is pretty awesome. but we ARE providing a necessary public service, and right now I imagine the public sees us as somewhat unreliable.

posted by aniola 24 June | 19:14

I don't mind baby showers, prefer them without silly games and small numbers of guests. WHAT I CAN'T STAND ARE BABY SHOWERS FOR SECOND OR THIRD BABIES. WHY?? YOU ALREADY GOT TONS OF CRAP FROM THE FIRST SHOWER, NOT TO MENTION FREE STUFF FROM UNLOADING FRIENDS...WHY ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SECOND SHOWER??

The only exception to this would be if there was a decade between kids. Because by then, the old stuff has probably been recalled.

posted by redvixen 24 June | 21:23

Hrm. I think our baby shower may have been too big. Oh well.

Elsa, I think your tea party sounds awesome.

posted by gaspode 24 June | 22:15

TPS, I am curious about the green shit. What was it?

I cannot remember- it was one of the baby foods to taste. Asparagus, maybe? It was terrible. It made me feel bad for all babies everywhere, that we subject them to such torture.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 22:23

And gaspode, your baby shower was fine (of course, I come from a church background, and I have seen some humongous showers). You had a venue to throw it in, after all!!! If only the rest of us were so lucky :/

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 22:25

Oh, not baby food! Yuck! I tasted my son's (peas and carrots, I think) and then had my wife taste it, and we both decided we would make our own. I think that was the last time the two of us strongly agreed about anything. Luckily, my ex was a southern girl of many generations, so boiling food to mush was in her blood.

posted by Ardiril 24 June | 22:59

I should say that the other things we tried were OK, some even pleasant enough that a person wouldn't feel bad feeding it to a baby, but that GREEN STUFF, IT HAUNTS ME.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 June | 23:06

24 June 2010