I AM VERY TIRED. I KEPT WAKING UP EVERY TWO HOURS OR SO LAST NIGHT. NO FUN.

WHAT THE HELL ARE CANS ON A BIKEPATH?

msali CANS ARE THOSE FUCKING HUGE HIPSTER DOUCHEBAG HEADPHONES, RENDERING ONE EFFECTIVELY DEAF AND APPARENTLY CLUELESS, OH AND BY THE WAY YOU MIGHT CONSIDER A HELMET?

ASSHOLES.

I AM HAVING THE WORST FINALS WEEK RIGHT NOW! AS I WAS FINISHING MY PROGRAMMING ASSIGNMENT MY LAPTOP FRIED! RIGHT AS I TYPED! AND EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT I HAD BACKUPS, THEY WERE FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE QUARTER AND THEREFORE NO HELP AT ALL!

AND WHEN I WENT TO GET INTO MY CAR IN THE BLINDING RAIN TO GO GET AN ADAPTER TO HOOK IT UP TO A MONITOR TO SEE IF I COULD GET ANYWHERE, I REALIZED SOMEONE HAD HIT MY CAR AND REMOVED THE DRIVER'S SIDE MIRROR! GAH!

I DON'T HAVE A JOB WHICH IS WHY I AM IN SCHOOL SO FIXING THE CAR AND FINDING A WAY TO REPLACE A LAPTOP ARE GOING TO HURT AND LIKELY GO ON MY CREDIT CARD :(

MY STUPID CAT WOKE ME UP YESTERDAY AT THE CRACK OF DAWN SO I COULDN'T THINK STRAIGHT FOR MY COMPUTER SCIENCE FINAL AND SO I MISSED EASY QUESTIONS I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO AND NOW I WONDER IF I PASSED THE FINAL OR NOT. I KNOW IT IS DUMB AND I SHOULD LET IT GO BUT I HAD A 4.0 THIS YEAR UNTIL THEN AND WORKED SO INCREDIBLY HARD THIS QUARTER WITH ALL NIGHTERS AND EVERYTHING (AND I AM TOO OLD FOR OLD NIGHTERS THAT NEED TO INVOLVE BRAINPOWER).

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TEST, THE DESK I WAS AT (ONE OF THOSE STUPID SIT IN THE CHAIR AND THEN SWING A LITTLE DESK PART OVER YOU) BROKE AND FLEW TO THE FLOOR WITH A HUGE CLATTER CAUSING THE WHOLE CLASS TO GASP AND SCATTERING MY FINAL EVERYWHERE. ARRRRRRRRRGH.

AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT HOME AND WAS JUST GOING TO DECOMPRESS WITH METACHAT AND METAFILTER ON MY PHONE, I SWUNG MY ELBOW PERFECTLY SO THAT I KNOCKED MY ONLY BEER EVERYWHERE (ON ME, ON THE ARMCHAIR, ON THE FLOOR) SO NO BEER FOR ME! Anyone know how to get beer smell out of a nice armchair? I soaked it up with a wet towel, but it still smells grossly beery in here this morning. It's kind of a burlap kinda texture armchair.

THIS QUARTER CAN'T END QUICKLY ENOUGH AND MY LUCK NEEDS TO CHANGE.

Whoa. EVERYONE TAKE A FUCKING XANAX.

Loud in here.

I DROVE TO WORK ON BIKE-TO-WORK DAY HERE. . .THE ONLY TIME I HAVE DRIVEN TO WORK IN MONTHS. AND, TO THIS LITTLE DOUCHEBAG COLLEGE KID WHO WAS BIKING WITH HIS IPOD ON, NO HELMET, TURNED INTO THE PATH OF THIS POOR DRIVER AND BROKE HER WINDSHIELD WITH HIS HEAD AND NOW THERE'S A BIG-ASS SHRINE AND THIS KID IS A FUCKING MARTYR NOW, AND THE POOR WOMAN WHOSE WINDSHIELD HE WENT THROUGH, WHO WAS NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG, HAS TO SEE THIS AND ASSHOLE YOU ARE DEAD NOW BUT YOU'RE STILL STUPID!

I HATE HUMIDITY! IT RAINS AND THEN THE TEMPERATURE SHOOTS UP 20 DEGREES AND IT FEELS LIKE I'M IN A SAUNA! I PERSPIRE LIKE A FREAK SO I HAVE TO SLATHER ANTI-PERSPIRANT ALL OVER MY BODY AND IT'S GROSS! THEN THERE'S ALL THESE SWAMPY ANIMALS AND INSECTS THAT COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK LIKE FROGS AND SNAILS AND THINGS WITH SIX OR MORE LEGS AND THEY GET ALL OVER EVERYTHING AND IT'S GROSS GROSS GROSS!

Oh, wait, I thought it said "sweaty". WELL FUCK ME.

I HATE HUMIDITY TOO WOLFDOG, AND IT'S BEEN OMGWTFBBQ HUMID FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS SOLID HERE IN BOULDER AND IT SUUUUUUCKS!!!! NOT ONLY ARE WE NOT USED TO IT, BUT MY ALLERGIES HAVE GONE APESHIT HAYWIRE AND A HORDE OF MOSQUITOES ATE ME FOR LUNCH ON A HIKE THE OTHER DAY AND SO ON TOP OF ALL THESE BIKE TO WORK DAY ASSHOLES I'M ALSO ITCHY AND SNEEZY AND COVERED IN WELTS AND BASICALLY JUST ONE BIG SWEATY PISSED-OFF BALL OF HISTAMINE AND GRAR.

FUCKITALL, GIVE ME THAT XANAX, IMMA GO RIP OFF MY SKIN AND SCRATCH IT FROM THE INSIDE.

DANF I REST MY CASE. YOU RIDE A FUCKING BIKE IN THIS TOWN/STATE/COUNTRY YOU SHOULD HAVE TO TAKE A SAFE RIDER COURSE AND GET A FUCKING OPERATOR'S PERMIT. I'M SICK OF THESE ASSHOLES.

THAT GOES FOR SCOOTERS TOO. FUCK YOU, YOU GET A DUI, YOU TAKE THE GODDAMNED BUS TO WORK, OR WALK.

I AM NOT HAPPY THAT I HAVE A CRAPPY SCHWINN FROM WALMART. IT IS A VERY HEAVY BIKE AND I CAN BARELY GET IT DOWN THE ROAD. EVERY TIME I CYCLE WITH MY HUSBAND HE IS CONSTANTLY YELLING TO "COME ON!" BUT I CANNOT KEEP UP. I WANT A FANCY BIKE AND I WOULD LIKE TO BIKE TO WORK BUT MY WORK IS 13 MILES FROM HOME AND I THINK IT WOULD TAKE ME HALF THE DAY TO GET THERE. ALSO, I WOULD PROBABLY BE STUPID AND WEAR AN IPOD WITHOUT A HELMET. I HOPE I WOULDN'T PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A WINDSHIELD. THAT WOULD REALLY SUCK.

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN ANYONE WITH HEADPHONES ON WHILE BIKING, THAT SEEMS PRETTY STUPID. A FEW MILES FROM ME, AN EXPERIENCED MIDDLE-AGED BIKER WHO WAS DOING EVERYTHING LEGALLY AND WEARING A HELMUT WAS RUN OVER AND KILLED BY AN IDIOT IN AN SUV WHO WAS "DISTRACTED" AND THE POLICE ARE NOT CHARGING THE DRIVER WITH ANYTHING.

I HAD A GIANT HELMET AND THIS GIRL HAD NOTHING BUT WHEN SHE MADE A LEFT TURN FROM THE RIGHT LANE (IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOCK), I SWERVED TO MISS HER TINY BIKE WITH MY HEAVY SCOOTER, AND NOW *I'M* THE ONE WITH THE ELBOW HARDWARE???? WTF????

IT IS SUMMER AND I HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND EVERYBODY BUT ME IS GOING ON VACATION AND AAAAAAARGH TWO MORE MONTHS

I AM STILL VERY TIRED. THE 3 O'CLOCK HOUR IS PARTICULARLY ROUGH ON A TIRED PERSON.

IT IS PRETTY CLEAR TO ME THAT YOU ARE DAMNED IF YOU DO, AND ALSO, DAMNED IF YOU DON'T.

WHY IS MY SEX LIFE SO IMPORTANT TO YOU WHEN YOU HAVE CLEARLY STATED THAT YOU ARE TAKEN AND NOT INTERESTED IN DOING ANYTHING "OUTSIDE OF WORK"? NOT EVEN MARRIED OR LIVING TOGETHER, JUST TAKEN

OCTOTHORPE! MY HUSBAND'S FATHER IS GOOD FRIENDS WITH THAT BIKER THAT GOT KILLED IN THE 'BURGH, AND HE HAPPENED TO BE THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR OF MY HUSBAND'S AUNT! FURTHERMORE, THE DUMMY WHO KILLED THE GUY IS THE SON OF MY FATHER-IN-LAW'S MECHANIC! SMALL FREAKING WORLD!

I HAD A BIT TOO MUCH SPARKLING WINE LAST NIGHT AND I FEEL A BIT WOBBLY TODAY. AND BY "A BIT TOO MUCH" I MEAN "ABOUT A BOTTLE TOO MUCH," AND BY "A BIT WOBBLY" I MEAN "ICK." SO THIS IS AS LOUD AS I PLAN TO YELL.

ALSO, AS I WAS WALKING HOME IN THE SUNSHINE TODAY, THE SKY OPENED UP AND HAIL CAME POUNDING OUT! ONTO ME! ONTO EVERYTHING! I HAD HAIL STUCK IN MY HAIR!

IT WAS KINDA AWESOME, ACTUALLY.

WHY ARE YOU NOT CONTACTING ME?! EVERYONE I'VE TALKED TO ABOUT YOU SAYS YOU'RE INTERESTED IN ME. STOP WORKING OR WHATEVER AND PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEE.

(Yes, I know this is totally attention-whore behavior. That's why I'm not actually saying it to him.)

I think I'll join in the general humidity hate. I'm too exhausted from the heat to have enough energy to get ranty about it, sorry.

FUCK METRO FOR NOT HAVING ANY PARKING AT 2 DIFFERENT STATIONS. I SERIOUSLY TROLLED AROUND FOR OVER AN HOUR TRYING TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO PARK AND I HAD TO GO TO SOME SHADY OFF SITE PAY LOT. IT ROYALLY CHAPS MY ASS TO HAVE TO PAY FOR PARKING, ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE TO DEVIATE FROM MY ORIGINAL PLAN AND WIND UP GETTING ON THE TRAIN AN HOUR LATER THAN I HAD PLANNED.

FUCK ME FOR BEING A MORON AND INCAPABLE OF READING AN EMAIL THAT SAYS THAT ORIENTATION DOESN'T START UNTIL THURSDAY AND NOT THIS TUESDAY. FUCK ME FOR LOOKING LIKE A DUMBASS CHILD WHEN I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS UNTIL I GOT HOME AND WILL LIKELY BE KNOWN AS 'THAT STUPID BITCH WHO SHOWED UP ON THE WRONG GODDAMN DAY' FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS, IF THEY EVEN STILL WANT ME THERE.

I COMPLETELY BOMBED MY MIDTERM IN CATALOGING EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THINGS AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON THE FINAL PAPER WHICH IS DUE IN 2 WEEKS OR SO AND I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED THIS WEEK'S READING YET AND I'M JUST FALLING BEHIND.

THESE APPLES I BOUGHT 2 WEEKS AGO SUCK. THEY SUCK SO MUCH BUT I AM DETERMINED TO FINISH THEM BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD TO THROW OUT PERFECTLY GOOD FRUIT. GODDAMN YOU MACINTOSH APPLES, I AM DISAPPOINT.

FUCK YOU ITUNES FOR FUCKING UP AN IPHONE SYNC THAT TOOK ALL FUCKING NIGHT, YOU SAD BLOATED EXCUSE FOR A MEDIA PLAYER!

SPEAKING OF BIKE RIDING HOW HARD IS IT MORONS TO KEEP TO THE LEFT SIDE OF THE FREAKING ROAD INSTEAD OF RANDOMLY RIDING WHERE EVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT???

AND YOU KID! GET OFF THE BLOODY MOBILE PHONE OR STOP YOUR BIKE.

SUPER DICKBALL FISHY SHIT COCKRIPPER! ASSLICK BENT FUCK WONDERDOG I GOT NOTHIN'!

LOLLYPHILE TOOK MY MONEY AND NEVER SENT MY LOLLIPOPS! IT'S BEEN A MONTH! I CAN'T GET A RESPONSE FROM THEM OR THE REFUND I REQUESTED AFTER IT WAS CLEAR I WASN'T GETTING ANY LOLLIPOPS! I'M SO ANGRY ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS BUT THIS IS THE ONLY ONE I'M SHOUTING ABOUT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I THINK I'M GOING TO BREAK IF I GO ON ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER STUFF. FUCK YOU, LOLLYPHILE, WHO I THOUGHT WAS A COOL BUSINESS TO BE SUPPORTING! YOU LIED TO ME AND NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH AND ADDED TO MY WORLD OF SUCK.

"WEAR CANS"?

Oh... "wear cans".

ANYWAY, DOUCHEBAG- RIDE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD BECAUSE I'M GETTING PRETTY FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF PLAYING CHICKEN WITH YOU EVERY MORNING AND THEN YOU GIVING ME THE FINGER AS I PASS. YOU'RE OLDER THAN SIX YEARS OLD; YOU CAN RIDE LIKE A BIG BOY NOW. REALLY, THE FUCKING LAW SAYS YOU RIDE A BIKE THE SAME WAY AS THE REST OF TRAFFIC.



DOUCHEBAG.

YES - RIDE YOUR BIKE THE SAME WAY AS THE REST OF TRAFFIC. WHICH MEANS NOT ON THE SIDEWALK. IT'S ILLEGAL IF YOU'RE OLDER THAN TWELVE. AND YOU ARE OLDER THAN TWELVE! ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING TO STICK MY UMBRELLA IN YOUR BIKE SPOKES!

AND I CAN'T HEAR OUT OF MY LEFT EAR FOR NO REASON AT ALL! GAARRRRR!!!!

DOOHICKIE AND YG44: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!!!! SRSLY ITS JUST THAT SPECIES OF ASSHAT DOUCHEBAGGERY ALONG WITH ALL THE REST OF IT (HEADPHONES, RIDING THE WRONG WAY, BEING UNPREDICTABLE, IGNORING TRAFFIC LAWS IN GENERAL, ETC., ETC., AD NAUSEAM BLABLABLA...) THAT KEEPS DRIVERS FROM EVER TAKING CYCLISTS SERIOUSLY.

PLEASE MAY I KICK EVERY LAST SINGLE ONE OF THESE IGNORANT DROOLING HOSEBEASTS IN THE SHINS? IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

YOU MAY.