Dear husband, I love you very much, but your tendency to cram so much stuff in the garbage can that I can't find the edge of the bag is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your better half.

Well, now, you stole my post to the letter, desjardins!

Dear WordPress, I love you very much, but your tendency to use php is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your not quite hardcore but not noob either user.

Dear mosquitoes, I love you very much, what with your importance to the overall ecosystem and all, but your tendency to bite me is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your prey.

Dear Ben & Jerry's, I love you very much, but your tendency to keep me from losing weight is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your...hey, where'd my spoon go?

Dear afternoons, I love you very much, but your tendency to put me to sleep is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your drowsy, caffeine-resistant friend.

Dear bunnies, birds, cats, foxes, ivies, insects and any other backyard wildlife,

I love you very much, but your tendency to eat blueberries and tomatoes before they're ripe and then only in part, to shit and hork hairballs in the yard, to cause me virulent skin rashes, to make my eggplant leaves have holes in them and to congregate in large swarms is driving me crazy.

Sincerely, your pissed-off gardening friend.

Dear funny words, I love you very much, but your tendency to elude me while writing a comment on MeFi is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your channeller.

Dear Zuzu, I love you very much, but your tendency to dive underneath my feet in attack mode while I'm walking across the room, causing me to lose my balance and collide with the coffee table and break my toe, is driving me crazy you little shit. Love, Mom.

Dear Orange Slices, I love you very much, but eating 10 of pieces you has left me ill. Sincerely, your devourer.

Dear humans, I love you very much, but your tendency to ignore "no phones or texting" is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your inner conscience.

Dear self, I love you very much, but this not wanting to eat and being alternately exhausted and yet unable to sleep longer than a couple hours at a stretch is wearing extremely fucking thin. Sincerely, the rest of me.

Dear Self, I like you pretty much, but your tendency to dork around online instead of getting work accomplished is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your self.

Dear essentially adult children, I love you very much, but your tendency to act like 11 year olds is driving me crazy and you both need to grow up already. Sincerely, your exasperated and clearly codependent mother, landlord, chef, bill payer, therapist, computer repairperson, maid and general all around factotum.

Dear very nice guy I DTMFAed on Saturday night, I really do like you a whole lot, but your tendency to a) be way too into me too soon and b) cackle frequently and c) be sort of socially inept, kind of drove me crazy and thus I had to do it. Still, I am sad now too and I feel guilty and rotten and like I probably have done a Really Dumb Thing, but when people get on your nerves to that extent, it is best not to marry them. So plz to stop with the poignant and heart wrenching texts & Facebook invites & stuff. Sincerely, the evil bitch who dumped you evilly in an evil way because of her total evil quotient which is extremely high.

Dear Sunshine, I love you very much, but your tendency to burn me into a crisp lobster red is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your melanin-deficient friend.

Dear summer, I love you very much, but ..... oh never mind, who am I kidding. I despise you with every fiber of my being.

Dear neurons, I love you very much, but your tendency to keep playing back 'Disco Inferno' for the past day or so is driving me crazy. Sincerely, your... I mean WTF, neurons?

Dear Sons, I love you very much, but your tendency to eat everything in the house within hours of me bringing it home is driving me crazy (and poor). Sincerely, your loving, hungry mother.

Dear MetaChat, I love you very much, but your tendency to not allow me to favorite comments is driving me crazy. Sincerely, an easily amused Mefite.

Dear belly, I love you very much, but your tendency to not fit into any reasonably-sized pair of jeans is driving me crazy. Sincerely, me.

Dear brain, I love you very much, I am smitten with you, stuck on you, I enjoy your company terribly, but your tendency to misremember things like the fact that I am giving a talk NEXT week not this week, is driving me crazy. Sincerely, the body that does your bidding.

Dear BF,

I love you very much, but your tendency to overstuff the washer & dryer so everything comes out mooshed and wrinkly is driving me crazy.

Love, me

Dear Tooth #19, I love you very much but your repeated adventures in self-destruction requiring visits to three different dental professionals to the tune of $3000 is driving me crazy. Love, Your Mouth