How about a MeCha version of
FML? I'll start.
→[More:]Today, I was taking forever to get ready for work...surfing the web, admiring the new clothes I just bought...but I knew that as long as I left by a certain time, I would get to work at the last possible moment before they would get mad at me. So at that time, I got into the car and realized I needed to get gas. Then I spilled gas on myself at the station. FML