MetaChat - How to get someone to ask you out

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13 April 2010

How to get someone to ask you out If you're not quite up for being the aggressor, modern woman or whatever and asking a guy out, or even setting aside gender roles altogether,→[More:] if you find yourself talking alone with the friend or acquaintance you're interested in, you can just say, "Ever think of asking me out?" or "So, did you ever think of asking me out?" That's all it takes! You don't have to be the aggressor, or wait forever, or drop awkward,desperate seeming hints. Or is it putting the other person in too much of a spot? More of a spot than if you simply asked them out?

post by: serena at: 12:07 | 16 comments

Are you stating something? Or asking? I'm confused.

posted by jouke 13 April | 12:21

I think the question is flawed. What if he never had thought of asking you out, but might be open to the possibility once he starts thinking about it? But, too late, he already said no, unless he's exceptionally clever, or he feels bad because he never did think about it and that ruins the opportunity, or he's turned off by the passive-aggression in the question.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 13 April | 12:31

And maybe it's just me, but I don't understand why it's scarier to say "Will you go out with me?" then to say "Ever think of asking me out?" The latter already seems pretty forward to me, I don't see why you wouldn't just go all the way.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 13 April | 12:35

I agree with TPS. Your phrasing sounds passive-aggressive, plus then where do you go if they say no? I think it would be easier to answer that question with a no then to say no when asked on a date. And really, if you do ask it your way, you're putting yourself out there just as much as if you asked the person out.

posted by amro 13 April | 12:49

I will tell you a secret about asking people out that was revealed to me by a former co-worker. You're not afraid that s/he will say 'no' - you're afraid that s/he will say 'yes'. Accept that the consequences of a yes are not so bad.

posted by plinth 13 April | 13:17

Am I the only person who has seriously never dated in the conventional sense? I think I went on one and it was awful. I meet people, and variouos levels of attachments form, or not, or are acted on, or not. Granted, this assumes being around objects of attachment for the whole drama to play out, but I've never lacked for companionship for too long. Is this a generational thing? A social circles thing? Some other thing where I don't really like strangers? I can't be the only person.

posted by rainbaby 13 April | 13:25

No rainbaby, you aren't alone. I've never been on a date. Virtually all of my relationships have started from friendships. The idea of actually trying to go "out" with a relative stranger is both terrifying and unpleasant to me. I have almost no capacity for idle conversation even with people I know well.
I'd much rather get to know someone in a social context that's not 1 on 1 and then go from there. Art classes have always worked well for me in that regard. Finding people who share your passions makes all the relationship building easier, and you get to know people slowly over time.

posted by doctor_negative 13 April | 13:36

"Ever think of asking me out?"

My ex- skipped the whole passive-aggressive thing and said, "So are you going to ask me out, or what?"

I asked her out. It obviously didn't work out in the long run but it got my attention at the time.

posted by octothorpe 13 April | 14:44

rainbaby, I've never been on a date either.

I'm extremely shy, but if I liked someone and we had chit-chatted a while and I was comfortable enough with them, as a friend, I might suggest we go for lunch or something like that. That's kinda asking someone out, yes?

posted by deborah 13 April | 15:58

If gomi wants, gomi just asks. Much less complicated.

posted by gomichild 13 April | 16:13

I'm really too shy to ever have gotten into a relationship without dating. I just don't have the social skills to have make the friendship to relationship transition, or at least it never happened once. If you're dating, at least you know where you stand.

posted by octothorpe 13 April | 16:28

I would be charmed if someone said something like, "I sure would like it if you asked me out!"

posted by serazin 13 April | 16:34

you can just say, "Ever think of asking me out?" or "So, did you ever think of asking me out?"

Back when I was single, this would have been too subtle for me (I joke, but only slightly). If you want to be asked out, just ask him out.

posted by bonehead 13 April | 18:50

You know, if you have something to say to me, you don't need to make a big flowery metachat post to hide your true feelings.

posted by Eideteker 13 April | 19:30

Eideteker, you must be psychic. OK...let's just go out!!! (see what being ROFL funny gets you into?)

posted by serena 14 April | 08:15

E-mail's in profile.

posted by Eideteker 14 April | 19:20

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