MetaChat - Yay, we challenged my father's racism at a family event!

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11 April 2010

Yay, we challenged my father's racism at a family event! →[More:]My father was blathering on about Kids These Days (by which he meant Black Kids These Days) and how come their reading scores are so low when he didn't even have computers in the 1960s grumble grumble.

I said, well, you went to a private school whose funding didn't depend on property taxes, right? You had two parents and your mom had the luxury of staying home, right? You didn't have to worry about violence, drug use, poverty, or any of the other myriad things that inner-city kids have to worry about ... right?

My wonderful husband totally had my back. I think we got the point across without humiliating my father, and I hope we actually got him to think about the issue rather than reflexively react.

post by: desjardins at: 21:22 | 17 comments

Yay!

posted by serazin 11 April | 21:29

Nice work team!

posted by jessamyn 11 April | 21:37

posted by sperose 11 April | 22:02

Awesome!

posted by deborah 11 April | 22:24

hooray!

posted by The Whelk 11 April | 22:43

Very good. Indeed.

posted by occhiblu 11 April | 22:56

And I am reminded of a conversation I had with some idiot who was a relation of someone I was staying with, who went on a long rant about how illegal immigrants needed to pay taxes because the U.S. was so poor because illegal immigrants were not paying proper taxes. I asked him how many illegal immigrants would have to pay their taxes to equal the amount of money owed by multi-millionaire legal American citizens who avoided paying proper taxes through loopholes, and said that it might make sense to focus on the latter rather than the former, and he got very confused and then finally shut up. It was kind of nice.

posted by occhiblu 11 April | 23:00

Yeah I just end up yelling at people or not saying anything. I have no middle setting, very annoying.

posted by The Whelk 11 April | 23:06

Great job! I bow before your mad conversational skillz!

posted by lukemeister 11 April | 23:26

Best of all, it sounds like you started a thoughtful, constructive conversation rather than a shouting match where everyone's busy defending their carved-out positions. Nice!

posted by Elsa 11 April | 23:38

Go Team Anti-Racism!

posted by TrishaLynn 12 April | 08:49

It's just a good feeling not to have stepped over his thoughtless, uninformed comments. I used to think, "Well, he's older, he'll always be this way," which may be true, but it doesn't mean that his views shouldn't be challenged.

My husband showed admirable restraint, considering that his parents have spent 20+ years teaching in inner-city Chicago schools. I think my father forgot what he was dealing with. People just expect you to nod and avoid rocking the boat, but if someone is uninformed on an important issue, it's LESS polite to let them go on believing their falsehoods, in my opinion. Hopefully next time they open their mouths they won't sound like idiots.

posted by desjardins 12 April | 08:59

Go team Desjardins! I am usually to exasperated when I hear something foolish or mean come out of someone's mouth. As soon as I see the Stupid coming, I turn around and hightale it out of the conversation. I like your approach, you have given me some hope that maybe one of these days I will be able to engage someone intelligently, and not insult them, and perhaps in some tiny way, change their mind. Good job, great story. Thank you for the inspiration.

posted by msali 12 April | 09:18

When I hear my 80 year old father say similar things about Dutch people of Moroccan descent I try to keep in mind that he has lived in a culturally very homogenic environment and that the extensive immigration in the last 30 years has changed that quite a bit. At an age where change tends to frighten you.
So what I do is gently point out these things to him.
My mother then concurs.

posted by jouke 12 April | 10:19

jouke, it's interesting to hear perspectives from other countries, because I doubt most Americans could find Morocco on a map. It wouldn't occur to them that they should think less of Moroccans; they're not even on our radar. I guess every group has to have some "Other" to look down upon.

posted by desjardins 12 April | 10:21

Huzzah!

posted by Madamina 12 April | 11:29

desjardins; I guess the closest equivalent of our Moroccan and Turkish immigrants are Mexican immigrants in the US. With some extra cultural differences because of the Islam thing mixed in.
You're totally right; it is fear of The Other. That's why I hold that people need to encounter eachother in more situations; at the sports club, at work, at school. Then they'll recognise The Sameness in eachother. It's actually what I tell my father too. And it's the hopeful prospect I try to keep in mind given the political tensions in Europe concerning this subject.

Or maybe we just need a war, an outside enemy.
You know what they say; "the wolf drives the sheep together".

posted by jouke 12 April | 11:57

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