MetaChat - Discussion on how people wind up at events with each other

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31 March 2010

Discussion on how people wind up at events with each other If you want to go to a place or event that people don't normally go by themselves, and no one wants to go with you, do you: →[More:] a. go by yourself, b. drag someone kicking and screaming, or c. say "Oh well" and just not go?

Subquestion: if there simply is no one available to drag to the event,do you go with (a) or (c)?

post by: serena at: 12:56 | 27 comments

If it's event where you interact with others, like a dinner event or a party, I don't go.

If there's no interaction required, like a play or a concert, I go it alone.

posted by BoringPostcards 31 March | 13:07

A, I think? Depends on the event. I'd go to the theatre by myself- do all the time. But a party? Maybe not.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 31 March | 13:07

Sometimes if I didn't go to things alone I'd never go out. I was terrified going to my first meetup, but have met some great friends from there.

I actually prefer going to the cinema by myself.

posted by essexjan 31 March | 13:14

I go to a lot of things by myself: parties, student functions, museum openings, First Friday art walk, movies. I got used to doing things on my own when I was single, and still do it because my partner works most nights and weekends.

Though company can be nice, sometimes I prefer to go out alone; there are times when I really want to move at my own pace. I especially love going to the movies alone: walk downtown at my own pace, decide whether to see the show first or eat first, pick a seat aaaaaaaanywhere I like.

I don't go out to restaurants alone very often, though, simply because I don't dine out as often as I used to in general --- in company or alone. I used to dine out alone at least once a week. (I called it "my date with myself." That was a nice habit.)

posted by Elsa 31 March | 13:15

If it's a big party, I'll go by myself rather than drag someone who doesn't want to come along. I prefer the movies or a reading or something alone, myself.

posted by The Whelk 31 March | 13:16

Mostly I don't want to worry if the other person is having a good time and I'm bad for making them come.

posted by The Whelk 31 March | 13:24

I won't go, even if it's a movie or something. I consider that a kind of interaction -- bouncing ideas off of each other before and afterwards, even if it's just "Good lord, Avatar was stupid!" "Yeah, and you looked really stupid in those glasses, huh-huh." That's really important to me.

I made myself go to a movie alone a couple years ago for the first time since I was 12 or so. Then I went to another one. Oddly enough, I think they both featured Robert Downey, Jr. (Iron Man and Tropic Thunder).

posted by Madamina 31 March | 13:36

I go by myself. It can be fun! I would definitely go to a party by myself. Part of the point of a party is to meet people, I think.

posted by grouse 31 March | 13:36

Good point, Madamina! The internet, and especially casual chatty spaces like this, have changed how willing I am to go to the movies alone.

I reeeeeeeeally want to talk over a movie or a play in minute detail for a looooong time --- like, over the course of days... but in fact, very few of my in-person friends want to do that, anyhow. It's a lot easier on everyone if I take it to the internet, where only people who want to engage with this exhaustive (exhausting) chatter have to deal with it.

posted by Elsa 31 March | 13:42

I always go by myself. Which sometimes works out great, sometimes not, depending on who is there, and what sort of mood I am in.

I'll never skip something for lack of a "date."

posted by danf 31 March | 13:59

I do a lot by myself, so I rarely think of having the option to go with other people and it's sort of nice if the opportunity presents itself. It's actually strange to me, now that I have a boyfriend who I hang out with, to actually HAVE a regular date for stuff. That said, I presume with something like a movie or an event if I go alone there will be people to talk to about it afterwards even if they didn't go with me. I also assume I can't make anyone go with me for any reason though this may be specious thinking on my part. That said I don't go out a lot, so I don't come up against this terribly much. I went to the drive-in by myself last year and while I felt weird about it, it was actually a really good time.

posted by jessamyn 31 March | 14:21

Also, one nice thing about making plans with myself: if I feel like punking out at the last minute and going home, or I feel like going to see a different movie, or I feel like tacos instead of the museum, I go do that! Yippie!

posted by Elsa 31 March | 14:22

Generally, I don't like going places without Mrs. O. I know that sounds kind of lame but I don't really like going out without her so if she's not going, I probably won't either.

posted by octothorpe 31 March | 14:28

What would you categorize as an event or place where one does not usually go alone? To my mind that means: miniature golfing, wedding and new year's eve dinner reservation and pretty much nothing else. So I guess that means I go places alone if I want to go to the place and I have no-one to go with. Well, I won't go miniature golfing alone if I can't get someone to go with me and although I have gone to a wedding without a date, I went with my mom and some aunts and my sister, so I wasn't alone. I'll go to dinner by myself, but not on new year's eve.

posted by crush-onastick 31 March | 14:52

Mostly A, unless I'm tired, and then C.

posted by Miko 31 March | 15:02

If it involves being sociable with people, c. If not, like a movie, then a. Would never do b. because that would mean I'd have to return the favor somehow.

posted by Melismata 31 March | 15:08

I follow the BoPo rule, pretty much.

posted by rainbaby 31 March | 15:14

I've done all three. There's no hard and fast rule - it all depends on how I'm feeling at the moment, what the event is, the availability of my friends, etc. I do tend to fall more into the c category than the a category, though.

posted by mygothlaundry 31 March | 15:17

Also, I feel the need to point out that I spend a lot of time alone and would probably prefer not to, but after a lifetime of unknowingly being an introvert trapped in an extrovert's body, I am so picky that I do a lot of sitting on my couch and thinking. Which is bad news, because I actually do like going out and doing stuff. Just... only with small groups of people who I really like. Which is hard to coordinate.

I made a post on the green a couple years back about trying to like doing things on my own a bit more, but it hasn't really done much. But at least I generally like doing stuff at home, even if I don't get motivated enough to knit as much as I'd like :)

posted by Madamina 31 March | 15:35

What would you categorize as an event or place where one does not usually go alone? To my mind that means: miniature golfing, wedding and new year's eve dinner reservation and pretty much nothing else.

I don't think of weddings as something you have to go to with someone at all (unless it's your own, haha). I never bring a date to a wedding unless I have a pretty established boyfriend. And hey, weddings can be great places to meet people.

As for other stuff, it depends. I don't think I'd go to a concert alone because I would want to talk about the experience with someone. I've never gone to a movie alone for the same reason, but I am starting to warm up to the idea. I go to parties alone all the time, but I usually know people there.

Although I've had a few long term relationships, I've been single much more in my life than coupled, so I think I'm pretty used to doing things on my own (says the girl who's planning to have a kid with a sperm donor). Also, I'm an only child, so I have a long history of being on my own.

posted by amro 31 March | 16:13

My first thought about this question involved weddings, and my reaction that if I see two people attend a wedding "together", and they're not both friends of the wedding party, I assume that they are dating. It's actually led to some rather funny mix-ups.

I've been in a relationship with 'Dude since we were 19 (oh gosh, how old-fashioned that sounds), and he's super-socially-anxious, so he pretty much follows me around everywhere and demands that I go with him to an event or he just won't go. If anyone wants to rent him out of an evening, I could use a day to myself.

posted by muddgirl 31 March | 17:04

Well, I don't think of weddings as somewhere you don't go without a date, as much as I think of them as somewhere you don't go alone. Like miniature golf. I'm not sure I've been to miniature golf on a date (maybe in high school?), but I'm positive I'd never go alone.

posted by crush-onastick 31 March | 17:24

Usually more C than A. Never B, but that's mostly because I don't exactly have lots of friends who live close by. (As in, a grand total of 1 and she's really busy with school and work, so it's rare that we actually even hang. Which I think was over 4 months ago, at last count.)

I've gone to concerts alone, but I don't anymore (after running into my asshole exboyfriend but being given the heads up by his exboyfriend). I enjoy going to movies alone, but I always go to midnight showings of things and I'm not exactly comfortable with having people sit next to me, although I did have a hilarious running commentary with a high school boy during Transformers 2.

Things that require more socialness, like parties? HELL NO. I probably wouldn't even go if someone was going with me. Parties make me anxious. (Same reason I don't really go out to eat or anything like that. I hate feeling like people are staring at me for being the freak.)

posted by sperose 31 March | 17:38

Sometimes an event might be located someplace where I don't really feel safe going alone, like downtown at night with uncertain parking. Then I just don't go if there's no one to go with me.

posted by JanetLand 31 March | 17:57

I don't like going to concerts, clubs, plays, etc., alone. Don't like to go to dinner anyplace fancy alone.

Parties? I know the person who asked me, and I assume I'll meet interesting people, so no prob. Weddings, same. I've traveled alone, and generally am fine being solo at dinner or events when I'm away from home. Movies alone are no big deal, and shopping alone is usually preferable, so I can make up my mind in my own time.

I hate the idea of going to dinner alone, seeing people I know, and feeling sad-sack-ish.

If I really want someone to come with me, I offer a free ticket.

posted by theora55 31 March | 18:03

I've gone to lots of movies by myself and enjoy it. I've rarely eaten by myself at restaurants but don't have a problem with it. I haven't yet, but I would go to a museum by myself. I'd even go to a wedding by myself provided I was close to the bride and/or groom. And I'd go to a play by myself, but not a concert.

Parties are a whole 'nother thing. I avoid them for the most part. If it's something I have to go to, the mister is going with me and he'd better not leave me by myself. Social Anxiety Disorder, FTW!

I've gone to one MeFi/MeCha meetup with the mister and one without and I'm fine doing either.

posted by deborah 31 March | 20:11

Usually C. Mostly C.

Going places alone kind of freaks me out. Movies, theatre, restaurants. I'm okay at cafes if I have something to do (read, study, journal, iPhone even), and I'm slowly working into doing lunch alone by doing things like I would at a cafe. But by the end of the year I vow to go to the movies all by myself.

posted by rhapsodie 02 April | 00:26

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