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27 February 2010

What persona, if any, do you take on? [More:] Related to this I mentioned that I had the world view of a young man.

That seems a strange thing to say, and I've been thinking about it, and I think -

As smart but not the smartest, and attractive without being the most attractive, the model that I followed was that of The Rebel. From a very young age.

I will try it. I will do. I will ask. I will dare. I will not apologize.

A huge mask for the fear I carry, but it often worked/works.

I can also do The Clown, but that's more genial, and is not my default setting, but it seems related, the flip side of rebellion.

I'm not looking at some list, I'm just making it up.

What did you do? Did you ever change? What would happen if I just did something else? Is that even possible? I don't know how much is nature and how much is nurture.

Label yourself.
You know how they say you shouldn't be "that" guy? I'm that guy.
posted by Doohickie 27 February | 17:30
Sometimes "that" guy is pretty cool. Depends on which "that" guy you are.

I was always the Nerd. I was scared to talk to anyone. No one talked to me unless they needed help with homework. That made it hard to make friends.

Now, I talk for a living. I have to make myself become an extravert when I'm teaching. That has become easy to do in my professional life, but it's difficult in my personal life.
posted by four-eyed girl 27 February | 17:44
I am a diamond: I have many facets.
posted by chewatadistance 27 February | 19:29
I usually try to be invisible, for the most part. I've found that if I'm not noticed, I'm a lot less likely to get stomped on.

It's only very recently that I've become okay with being a bit more obvious in things. I find being looked at very uncomfortable, but I'm working on it. (Surprisingly, dance class is helping with this in terms of slowly desensitizing me with being okay with people *looking* at me.)

I'm also slowly starting to be okay with getting excited about things. When I was wee, I quickly learned that being openly excited about something was not a good thing. It makes it hard to enjoy things because my first reaction is to usually make some sort of strange noise (such as "eeee!") and perhaps even do a little hop dance thing. Which makes me look like a giant spaz. So for so very long, it was just easier to not get excited because if I did show visible excitement--it was cut down as me being too excitable and counting my chickens and otherwise being unladylike and proper.

I'm such that there's some part of this shitfuckery related to my parents being fuckfaces, but how much of this is related to knowing that anything that was personally good for me but not for my parents (such as moving out) would be met with some serious disapproval versus just lifelong depression--I really don't know.

Baby steps and progress. Just don't stare at me. Freaks me right the fuck out and I have to go hide in a bathroom for a while.
posted by sperose 27 February | 20:30
Teacher, evangelist, and coach. When I was young misunderstood dark artistic type dropped by now and then.
posted by arse_hat 28 February | 00:33
Drunken sailor. With tips, of course. heh. I'm having a great year.
posted by buzzman 28 February | 02:17
I don't know. You tell me.
posted by Eideteker 28 February | 10:23
Plain, invisible, introvert.
posted by deborah 04 March | 22:21
Woody Allen on Candid Camera (1963) || Sky Mall Kitties

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