MetaChat - If you tell someone you don't feel well,

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

22 January 2010

If you tell someone you don't feel well, and they say, "You don't look sick," how would you take that? More like an accusation of lying or a compliment about how good you look in spite of your illness?

post by: amro at: 18:07 | 20 comments

Depends on my mood that day.

posted by Ardiril 22 January | 18:12

Yeah. For me, it depends on the person and their tone of voice. And possibly how well/not well I'm feeling.

posted by mudpuppie 22 January | 18:29

They're making a dumb observation without any thought about how it might make you feel?

posted by cillit bang 22 January | 18:35

Depends on context.

posted by Obscure Reference 22 January | 18:38

Really depends on the context. In general, it makes my life a lot easier to assume goodwill.

posted by Stewriffic 22 January | 18:43

Okay, context. It came from a friend with whom I had plans and canceled, due to the aforementioned illness. I saw her the next day and she said I didn't look sick, and then a few days later I was talking to another friend and mentioned I had been sick, and she was there and said, "You didn't look sick."

posted by amro 22 January | 18:49

with that and no other information I would take it as accusatory.

But, with everything, my opinion is nothing without tone of voice, knowledge of that person, etc...

posted by gaspode 22 January | 18:59

In that situation, what gaspode said. And it certainly wouldn't sit well with me.

posted by deborah 22 January | 19:04

Thirded.

posted by mudpuppie 22 January | 19:07

Yeah, I don't actually know the person that well, and the tone was pretty neutral, so I didn't know how to take it.

posted by amro 22 January | 19:11

You know what's worse? Going in to see the doctor feeling weaker than 3 months ago and getting a full run of tests that reveal... that everything is better than it was 3 months ago. So the doc says I'm 'healthier than I feel'. At this rate, in a year I'll be in perfect health, but dead.

posted by oneswellfoop 22 January | 19:12

On the bright side, he made one prescription change, an asthma medication, and within a few days, a bronchial cough that was becoming chronic has disappeared.

posted by oneswellfoop 22 January | 19:15

But if somebody told me 'you don't look sick', I'd be annoyed, but I'd respond with "thank you, I'm trying to keep up appearances", and, depending on who I'm talking to, "so I can more easily infect certain people".

posted by oneswellfoop 22 January | 19:19

YOU'RE NOT MY PSYCHIATRIST!

And then turn away.

posted by buzzman 22 January | 19:21

My son was puking sick in pain from a kidney stone so I took him to the ER.
The doctor asked, "How're you feeling?"
"Fine."
I wanted to slap the backside of his head.

posted by Ardiril 22 January | 19:36

I typically respond with some sort of snark about taking lots of drugs in order to remain functional and upright.

This past week, I had some sort of ick and on Tuesday I was over in my corner doing my thing and trying not to move too much. On Wednesday (which was the first day the boss had seen me that week), he told me I didn't look quite as deathly as he had heard. I told him that I was on a ton of expired medication so the situation could change at any moment.

I think it depends on the person. If it's coming from my parents--it's always going to be accusatory.

posted by sperose 22 January | 20:16

You can always ask if it's accusatory.

posted by Obscure Reference 22 January | 21:30

This is a big issue for me. I have MS, and people make a lot of superficial snap judgements as to how THEY think I should be feeling. When people say idiotic things to me like that, I usually say something to the effect of "And you don't look like a douchebag, guess looks are deceiving" (depending, of course, on the formality of the relationship)

posted by evilcupcakes 22 January | 22:12

Although it sounds more accusatory in context, I'd probably still be inclined to try to give the person the benefit of the doubt. After all, I like compliments better than accusations.

posted by box 23 January | 12:06

Better than telling someone you're suck and hearing the reply, "Yeah, you really look like shit."

I guess.

posted by mullacc 23 January | 13:39

← 10-10-10. || THIS IS A SHOUTING THREAD!!!! →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN