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31 December 2009

2nd Annual Coffin & Cradle [More:]Last year we had a Coffin & Cradle thread, based on an idea I came across at a local UU church. (How did yours turn out?)

Let's do it again. It's simple: There is an imaginary coffin and an imaginary cradle. In the coffin you place anything you would like to see pass out of your life from 2009 - a bad habit, bad luck, something you're done with, something you'd like to leave behind - concrete or abstract, doesn't matter.

In the cradle you place something that you would like to newly bring into your life, nurture, and grow.
Huh. Mine turned out not half bad:

coffin: busted marriage [:'(] Clutter, both of my S.A.D. issues.

cradle: fitness in all aspects of my life: physical, mental, relational, financial


Clutter's half gone, I've beaten back if not whupped my S.A.D. issues, and about the only place I'm not fit is physically. Turns out that was due to actual medical issues that I'm still getting fixed.

So, this year:

coffin: I guess it sounds macabre, but my sick, wasted gallbladder, meaning my health problems.

cradle: new, refurbished marriage, and as I mentioned before, world peace.
posted by lysdexic 31 December | 10:43
Last year's Coffin: Was "financial anxiety." Well, oddly I did lay that mostly to rest, but through the roundabout and super-stressful path of having my job come to an end, and luckily finding a new one that is more remunerative. I've had the new job three months and am delivering a resounding body blow to my debt with each paycheck, which feels fantastic. I should be entirely out of debt by year's end.

Last year's cradle: I wanted to start a graduate program and do a triathlon. Given that my year was so derailed by losing the job that was going to send me to grad school, that fell off the tracks too. But the new job offers tuition assistance and I was just deciding that I should really start classes this summer. So, yay - in a roundabout way there is now a path for that too. The triathlon? Uh, I didn't do that. It perished in the cradle, sadly. So...

This year's coffin:
Mmm, how about bad health habits? It was a really stressful year, and I ended up cancelling my gym membership when money was tight, and really not working out much at all, and also lost focus on managing my diet and ate too much of the wrong stuff and not enough of the right stuff.

This year's cradle: The flip side -I'd like to focus on regaining good health. It certainly includes working out regularly, so I'll re-up for the gym - but also I think I should do some yoga regularly, for spiritual/mental health, and find other ways to reduce stress. Also in the cradle I'll put some musical activity, which was totally absent from 2009.
posted by Miko 31 December | 10:47
coffin: my difficulty connecting with people and my fear of social situations.

cradle: a partner to share my life. As I get older, I am beginning to lose hope that this will ever happen. It is, of course, inextricably linked to what I put in the coffin.
posted by essexjan 31 December | 10:51
Coffin: Unemployment. Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, HEY HEY HEY, goodbye.

Cradle: My fast-approaching marriage!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 31 December | 10:55
I'll repeat mine from last year. Maybe I just have to wish harder or pray more or do something differently. But I'm not sure what that would be.

Coffin: My 3 year old son has some significant health issues and I would gladly give anything, ANYTHING to see those issues resolved.

Cradle: More patience. A little bit of wisdom.
posted by Kangaroo 31 December | 10:55
((Kangaroo))

Coffin: Passing judgement on things I have not experienced. I have a habit of assumng I will or will not like certain movies, plays, books, music, people, and places. This is limiting, even though I am usually right.

Cradle: Digital photography class. I got a nice camera last year and am at the limits of self-teaching. Also, take a vacation.
posted by rainbaby 31 December | 11:04
coffin? The roughest year of my life...end of my marriage and so into the box goes the stress that came from that.

cradle?
Hmm...I'd like to see any number of new habits born. Get out more, get on with some more artistic endeavours, keep picking up that guitar. Oh! And, I need to learn to cook for one!
posted by richat 31 December | 11:33
coffin: this misery of this job. the misery of the endless application for better more suitable job. ideally, that misery dies with me getting a better job, but if I can't swing that, I'll have to find someway to bury the misery.

cradle: my old writing habit.
posted by crush-onastick 31 December | 12:03
For me, this is literal. What I want to see pass out of my life is a coffin - the abject, life-halt-grinding grief of my baby's death. And what I want to achieve in 2010 is literally a cradle, for the second child I hope to have.
posted by bunnycup 31 December | 12:03
Coffin: The roughest year of this decade. I wish to get rid of the negative thinking, professional anxiety, worries about all the uncertainty.

Cradle: Positive outlook on everything, a thicker skin to protect me from all the passive-aggressiveness/negativity emanating from other people in my life. A new job. More adventures. Greater happiness.
posted by special-k 31 December | 12:07
Coffin: the death of my dad

Cradle: the birth of my son.

Wait. I think I'm doing this wrong.
posted by ColdChef 31 December | 12:14
coffin: the death of my dad, and mother-in-law. going through the first holidays without them both has been painful.

cradle: either a new baby, or me trying more seriously to get in shape. both are big commitments.
posted by pinky.p 31 December | 12:26
I did pretty well with last year's: I've been much healthier this year (and lost twenty pounds) and made it to the gym fairly consistently. As for employment, I got a job in February and than another better one in July. I'm still not great about finishing projects but I did finish the first floor powder room and we got a lot of work done on the house.

This year's Coffin:
Again, procrastination and disorganization.

This year's Cradle:
Get in even better shape, more weight training and run the 1/2 marathon in May. Get the house in more presentable shape, especially the floors.
posted by octothorpe 31 December | 12:42
Both my cradle and coffin came true this year, so I'm happy about that. I lost a ton of weight, clarified my career path, and stopped my ACA tendencies in their tracks with proper meds.

So, this year's coffin and cradle:
Coffin:
Distraction, vagueness, use of the word "something". The belief that I can't accomplish a goal, create a new project, follow-through on a promise.

Cradle:
Full-on cultivation of my Patented Ass-Kicking Technique. Creating community, projects, a new career that benefits others. Taking responsibility for my actions and my future. Surrounding myself with mentors, guides, and role models who encourage me to do heavy lifting for good reasons. The unwavering belief that I am capable of creating any project, friendship, loving relationship and circumstance I want.

In short, a Hot Mess!
posted by Lipstick Thespian 31 December | 12:45
I am so inspired by LT!
posted by special-k 31 December | 12:47
I want to be a Hot Mess too!!
posted by special-k 31 December | 12:48
coffin: depending on views and opinions of others to run my life

cradle: getting healthier, but in a safe, normal way, not crazypants obsessive way
posted by sperose 31 December | 13:27
coffin: expectations

cradle: humor, peace of mind
posted by Pips 31 December | 13:52
coffin: chronic pain. I'll work to get stronger and more mobile.

cradle: more writing, and getting some it published, in my field or outside.
posted by Elsa 31 December | 14:02
I really started on the mental health things last year, so that's good! Sodium isn't entirely in the coffin yet, but I am still aware of it, so that's good, too! This year, the mental health issues are going back in the coffin and I think I'm going to put "yearning for a lifemate" in there, too, because I'm starting to think that as I become more aware of my mental health issues, I'll regain my confidence again and will be ready for a lifemate. So yeah, the "yearning" part is what's going in the coffin.

What is going in the cradle are going to be a stronger connection to my sister, renewed devotion to writing, and another raise.
posted by TrishaLynn 31 December | 14:53
Coffin: Cancer. Fuck cancer. I know I haven't got the authority to put it there, but figuratively I want to throw it all the way back to hell. And to paraphrase Eidetaker from last year, put that hell in the cradle, then in the coffin, and throw it down a deep well and blow it to kingdom come; then take the remains of that blown up well and throw it down an even DEEPER well and blow that one to hell, too.

Cradle: No cancer. See above. For me personally, I am healthy, financially stable, in a fantastic relationship with my significant other and my closest confederates. I have a job I love and a brand new dog. My own personal life is good, and there isn't much I could or would change about it. I just want to stop being sad about the things that I can't control that I want to see changed this next year.
posted by msali 31 December | 15:20
Coffin: lengthy internet use when my children are present, negative thinking, mindlessness, chip on shoulder, walls, sarcasm, depression, condemnation

Cradle: responsibility for my well being, mindfulness, patience, initiative, saying yes more often, openness, warmth, kindness, patience, vulnerability, good music and good food, vegetable garden, brisk walks, more communication about daily happenings with my husband
posted by LoriFLA 31 December | 15:40
Coffin: all the hassles with my place. The condo owners meeting is Tuesday and I'm praying that the man who attacked his nanny will be voted off the board.

Cradle: writing.
posted by brujita 31 December | 15:51
Last year's coffin - my "grumpy old man" persona. It's time to get rid of it, if only because it is starting to shape the way I think about things and I need to not become one of those truly grumpy old men who have nothing good to say about anyone or anything.

Last year's cradle - the confidence to express myself honestly and openly, without fear of what others think of my opinions. I've done this to a large degree on-line, but it's time to move that into the rest of my life.

I think I've done fairly well at putting that grumpy persona in the bin, although I haven't really thought about this consciously since making the declaration to do so this time last year. It was only when we were talking about how we've changed as we got older that I realised I have achieved this to some degree. I'm getting better about saying what I feel without caring what others might think, although I need to work on this a bit more.

This year's coffin - having a half-built house and living in a shed. Time to get that sucker finished.

This year's cradle - a life where I am free to enjoy weekends without the pressure (self-imposed) that I should be working on the house. I've pretty much forgotten what it's like to just relax for a couple of days without guilt. Connected to this year's coffin, obviously.
posted by dg 31 December | 17:18
I would like to cheat off msali and add these words to my life story. I would like to, figuratively, tattoo them on the insides of my eyeballs:

Coffin: Cancer. Fuck cancer. I know I haven't got the authority to put it there, but figuratively I want to throw it all the way back to hell. And to paraphrase Eidetaker from last year, put that hell in the cradle, then in the coffin, and throw it down a deep well and blow it to kingdom come; then take the remains of that blown up well and throw it down an even DEEPER well and blow that one to hell, too.
posted by bunnycup 31 December | 19:23
Huh. I missed this last year. I'm only going to do one thing in each, then I will feel like it's achievable.

Coffin: Reflexive sarcasm. It's a terrible habit, and often I find myself saying things that are 180 degrees to how I actually feel.

Cradle: A closer relationship with my mother.
posted by gaspode 31 December | 21:00
Coffin: I've made a significant breakthrough this year in dealing with some pretty major childhood trauma. Goodbye to old behaviors, ways of thinking, and obstacles to knowing and getting to know myself.

Cradle: Rekindle my love of music -- playing, listening, (Metachat Radio-ing?). Actively involve myself with the social causes that are close to my heart. Read all of the Newbery-Medal-winning books.

Hugs to those who have lost loved ones this year.
posted by initapplette 31 December | 22:47
Hugs also to those who've lost loved ones.

One thing that struck me was dg's observation that I also didn't really think specifically of the coffin/cradle thing throughout the year, but I made my way there anyway.

Thanks for doing this again, Miko.
posted by lysdexic 31 December | 23:12
Coffin: my non-functioning marriage

Cradle: get out and live and laugh and enjoy life

Best wishes to y'all for a healthy and happy New Year!
posted by nelvana 31 December | 23:46
Coffin: my frustration at making not the most of thought through decisions regarding getting a phd, and continual harping on at myself about this.

Cradle: getting to be Dr Augenblick, rekindle the creative brain in my head.

(and thanks for this thread, gave me a great chance to sort my thoughts out on all this last night before stroke of 12)
posted by augenblick 01 January | 09:37
Good luck, augenblick! Fight through. The phd will be very much worth it when the pain subsides - I haven't gone through it but have watched a lot of friends endure the misery before the completion.
posted by Miko 01 January | 12:36
Coffin: Self doubt, insecurity, and worries. Whatever will be will be. I need to remember that no matter what life hurls at me, I will be able to handle it.

Cradle: Improved communication skills. I'm still working on it!!


Well, I guess I did actually handle all the crap life threw at me this past year. And I have improved on my communication skills, so that's a plus.

This year:

Coffin: My marriage. I tried for so long to bring life back into that lifeless wreck that I lost myself.

Cradle: Faith in myself, peace, and a decision to look forward, and not backward, from today on.
posted by redvixen 01 January | 19:39
My son decided he wanted his own Ellie badge, so he made one. || Slumberland:

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