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12 September 2009
The 200 lowest-rated movies on Metacritic.com. How many of them have you seen? I've seen 2.→[More:] A co-worker assured me Cabin Boy was a work of under-appreciated genius (it isn't), and I actually saw Hudson Hawk in the theater, for some reason.
My loathing for movies in general aside, I have unfortunately seen:
9. Baby Geniuses 1999 6
31. Master of Disguise, The 2002 12
36. Avengers, The 1998 12
71. Kangaroo Jack 2003 16
80. Billy Madison 1995 16
148. Son of the Mask 2005 20
10 of them. Avengers, 3000 Miles to Graceland, Corky Romano, Vegas Vacation, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, 88 Minutes, Showgirls, Beverly Hills Cop III, Slackers, and Battlefield Earth.
Wow, I've only seen one of those all the way through, Hudson Hawk. I've seen bits and pieces of few of the others on cable when my wife was watching; she has a high tolerance for bad movies.
I have seen exactly one of those (Cabin Boy) unless I missed something.
The somewhat broader scope of the IMDB bottom 100 allows it to include Kis Vuk, which I still bear a grudge about. It also contains Puma Man, which I wish to see at some point.
I'm actually surprised at how few I've seen! My list:
1) Showgirls
2) 8mm (which I didn't think was THAT bad)
3) Corky Romano (which also had it's silly moments)
4) Cabin Boy (which I watched due to the Letterman cameo)
Freddy Got Fingered - a misunderstood work of absurdist genius.
Billy Madison - I was 14 at the time. They might as well have released this directly to my mind.
Half Baked - A dumb pothead comedy written by David Chappelle...how can that be bad?
8mm - meh.
17. Meet The Spartans
20. Battlefield Earth
34. Cocktail
36. Avengers, The
48. Dungeons & Dragons
51. Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
52. Rollerball
66. Beverly Hills Cop 3
74. Harlem Nights
80. Billy Madison
90. Epic Movie
96. Staying Alive
116. Ultraviolet
117. Bloodrayne
119. Supernova
141. Hudson Hawk (I protest! This is an excellent movie!!!)
26. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
I remember we got free passes when I worked at a radio station in college, since they were heavily pushing the soundtrack.
The soundtrack was vastly superior to the movie.
116. Ultraviolet
My roommate netflix'd it, since he loves Milla Jovovich. It wasn't godawful, but I wouldn't watch it again.
The Avengers (disappointing, but not that bad)
8 Heads in a Duffel Bag (deserving, however this is the funniest I have ever seen Dyan Cannon)
Showgirls (average, I think it gets added by reflex)
8MM (average, but the beginning of Cage's downhill slide)
Cat in the Hat (best of the worst)
Congo (read the book, that was enough)
Thirteen, and there are a couple more I'm unsure of:
20. Battlefield Earth (the mister's choice)
34. Cocktail (had a crush on Cruise)
36. Avengers, The
48. Dungeons & Dragons (the mister's choice)
52. Rollerball (in-laws choice)
66. Beverly Hills Cop III
78. Showgirls
88. Mod Squad, The
95. Bless The Child (mum's choice)
116. Ultraviolet
125. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (the mister's choice)
159. Highlander: Endgame (better than Highlander 3!)
197. Congo (the mister's choice)
I've only seen part of two of them, chunks of Billy Madison, and ten minutes of Meet the Spartans, which a friend and I watched on pay per view when really drunk to annoy her stingy fiancé who had been rude to her earlier that day.
Beverly Hills Cop III (hard to avoid when my nephew has them in a boxed set)
Kangaroo Jack (nephew again)
Showgirls (an historic disaster, so worth it)
Cabin Boy (c'mon, Get a Life was good in its very own unique way; but my memory of this gets mixed up with Erik the Viking, which seems more deserving of inclusion to me)
The Avengers (very odd, but not horrible -- just seemed unfinished or rushed)
Hudson Hawk I've seen most of on cable. Odd, but not actually awful.
Also, I saw part of Cocktail being filmed when I lived in New York.
38. New Best Friend (I remember it being vaguely interesting)
39. Down To You (Julia Stiles is in it)
47. Glitter (actually not terrible)
58. Carpool (Rachael Leigh Cook is in it)
78. Showgirls (genius)
80. Billy Madison (don't know why this would be considered any worse than his other films
115. Gigli (actually quite good)
168. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
196. Pokemon 3 (I own a copy)
Bio-dome
The Avengers (I liked that movie, damnit)
Freddy Got Fingered (hated, my brother thought it was hilarious)
Rollerball (halfway decent)
I Know Who Killed Me
Bloodrayne (If watching the first 5 minute and then turning it off count)
Ultraviolet
Beverly Hills Cop III (This used to be on the same VHS as The Crow that I used to swipe from my brother, so I watched it often.)
Species II (watched it a lot on SciFi with pops. He looooooves the Species movies)
The Covenant (I like looking at the pretty.)
Bratz: The Movie
The Zodiac (I hated this one, even though I've always found the case to be fascinating.)
Congo (I seem to remember this one being decent. I only watched it once though.)
13. I like a lot of crap movies though. I'm okay with that.
Watched Meet the Spartans, because I wanted to see them do some Transformersesque stuff with the '64 Impala like the previews had shown. They didn't. Took five minutes to fforward watch the rest of it, would have been true pain to watch in real time.
The only one I've seen is Harlem Nights. I didn't think it was that bad.
There are a few of them that don't deserve such low status. Harlem Nights was fine, not great, maybe not even good, but far from awful. Same with Hudson Hawk, which works if you understand that it's supposed to be totally absurd, and Billy Madison, which for me veers into so-bad-it's-good territory.
Was thinking about going out to see that new movie based on the comic Whiteout, but Rotten Tomatoes gives it a measly 8%, though Metacritic gives it 32.
Hush gave us the line "Your mother tried to kill me last night." Given our respective in-laws, Mrs. Beese and I have gotten a lot of mileage out of that one over the years.
And there's a shot in the third act of Virus where Donald Sutherland, perhaps in a cheerful mood because the studio check just cleared, is sitting on the floor and laughing like a fool - as if to say "Can you believe what a piece of garbage this script is?"
9. Baby Geniuses
20. Battlefield Earth
34. Cocktail
48. Dungeons & Dragons
59. House of the Dead
66. Beverly Hills Cop III
67. Darkness
68. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
77. fear dot com
78. Showgirls
85. Lost Souls (Gave up towards 2/3... it still counts, right?)
90. Epic Movie
95. Bless The Child
103. 88 Minutes
116. Ultraviolet (I PROTEST!)
117. BloodRayne
122. Species II
124. Halloween: Ressurection
128. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
141. Hudson Hawk (I PROTEST!)
181. Left Behind: The Movie (When I figured out what it was about, I was too hooked in the "plot")
192. Postal
193. Black Christmas
197. Congo
Shit, the one I've seen is Aeon Flux, not Ultraviolet (they came out around the same time, and had similar aesthetics). I think I haven't seen Ultraviolet yet, but I maintain my protest by principles, because it has Milla in it.
I've seen Cocktail and Staying Alive. Both are bad because they're cliched in the way Hollywood movies often are.
I saw a bit of Baby Geniuses and was so appalled at what was happening on my TV screen I wondered if Satan himself had possessed my television and was trying to drive me to suicide. *shudder*
Cabin Boy
Highlander: Endgame
Wing Commander
Joe Dirt
Hudson Hawk (a favorite of mine)
Vegas Vacation
Species II
Half Baked
Showgirls (even more fun, saw it at a New Years Eve party in a hotel, was edited for broadcast on Showtime. This led to the running joke, "Now if this were the NC-17 rated version...")
I think I saw: fear dot com
Beverly Hills Cop III
8 Heads in a Duffel Bag (which CAN be hilarious in the right circumstances)
Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist (which I find hysterical; I own it on DVD)
Dungeons & Dragons
Adventures of Pluto Nash, The
Battlefield Earth (it was on TV and I couldn't help myself)
Hottie and the Nottie, The (though even I didn't watch the whole thing... saw the kid from Bones in a movie on TV and was curious)
So yeah, I've seen like 8% of those movies. I am a sad man.
Battlefield Earth (for fun, knowing what I was getting myself into)
Ultraviolet (sick day, cable, Milla Jovovich, couldn't reach the remote)
Vegas Vacation (Christmas Vacation is a family holiday staple. Vegas Vacation was never even marginally, unintentionally funny)
I've seen from 5 to 15 minutes of maybe another dozen of these movies flipping through channels, but couldn't see any reason to sit through any of them.
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