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10 September 2009

The Wizard Whelk Wnats Words! So I went and did it and now I have some beautiful antique jars infusing away, just waiting for cool creative labels. Problem: What they hell do I call them? What Fantasy World/RPG nomenclature should I use? Dorks desperately needed! Explanation inside.


I'd like them to sound like old Monster Manuals, insanely detailed, lots of numbers, and random quotes that are supposed to be important. All that Encyclopedia Nerdica stuff that I loved so much more than actually playing the damn games crossed with crazy old apothecary language.

Example. I have a dried mushroom and saffron vodka. I'd like it's Tag to say something like

"GNOMISH DELIGHT or Rockfruit Juice or Miner's Ruin (vul.)

CLASS: 1 (Earth-Aligned)

Made locally for Mining or Raiding parties and with radishes on Holiday. Increases to Strength, Decreases to Concentration And Dexterity. May cause agoraphobia.


And so on, in that matter. Just thorough enough to be authentic, tongue in cheek enough to be fun to write. The rest of the flavors are

Chocolate-covered expresso beans (Okay this is a haste spell of some kind, duh)
Cinnamon, (it's really strongly of cinnamon already, which makes me think of the desert)
Crystallized Giner,
Vanilla And Mint,
Jalapeno: See I'm not sure if this dragon spit or bottled Fire elemental or Fire Resistance or ICE resistance or what.

If I do the skittles thing, it'll be Chromatic Old Fashioned. Duh.
Wnats is due to testing the drinks.
posted by The Whelk 10 September | 18:22
espresso beans: Humours of Bat
Jalapeno: Vitriol - Contains Brimstone

posted by plinth 10 September | 20:09
Vanilla and Mint: Awakening Elixir

Class: 1 (Air-Aligned)

An Elvish concoction of extracts and herbs for stimulating the senses. Gives +4 to CON for 5 turns.

Cinnamon: Melange (if you don't call this 'melange' after the spice in Dune, I am going to be sad )

Class: 2 (Earth-Aligned)

Found in the furthest dunes near the equator; is said by the natives to give clairvoyance and startling blue eyes. Is used as a form of currency in some areas.

Warning: Overconsumption in one sitting may cause addiction. Withdrawal is fatal. Long-term use maxes out INT.
posted by kldickson 11 September | 07:31
Warning: Overconsumption in one sitting may cause addiction. Withdrawal is fatal. Long-term use maxes out INT.

This made me laugh so hard I woke my partner up.
posted by The Whelk 11 September | 10:01
Seconding cinnamon as melange. Not clever enough to help with the rest of the label(s).
posted by deborah 11 September | 19:35
Rosemary, Rose of the wood? Home and hearth. The Rose Of Home, one sip will bring back memories of home. + Lore?
posted by The Whelk 11 September | 22:27
C;mon! work with me people!
posted by The Whelk 11 September | 22:50
Crystallized Ginger: Used Aqua Regia

Contains HCl and H2SO4 and dissolved Au. An important tool of alchemists all over the land.

Drinking reduces CON to 1 for 10 turns.
posted by kldickson 12 September | 12:01
Also, it is Class 5: Water-Aligned
posted by kldickson 12 September | 12:38
Rosemary: Water Dragon Summoning Potion (from rosemary's original name, rosa marinus)

(Class 1, Water-Aligned)

Drinking this rare, subtle herb concoction causes one's breath to emit vapors which summon the nearest water dragon, a beast of great ferocity and gentleness from the seas of the West, to one's assistance in time of need.

Makes one impervious to fire attacks for 5 turns; STR +5, CHA +5, CON +10, +5 to attack for 5 turns, except for fire mages, who will suffer STR -5, CON-10, and -5 to attack.

Hazelnut: Elf Grog

(Class 1, Earth-Aligned)

It is a little-known fact that Elves like their booze (known as a prim and proper people on the surface, they in fact have one of the highest populations of raging drunkards in our world), and they infuse it frequently with nuts and fruit from the forest.

+5 to STR, -2 to CHA, -5 to DEX, +5 to attack for 5 turns, except for Elves, who suffer it for 20 turns.
posted by kldickson 12 September | 13:10
Actually, that's HCl and HNO3 .
posted by kldickson 12 September | 13:12
See, this is the stuff I'm talkin' about.

Jalapeno: Sagittarial Fire . Use cautiously.
posted by The Whelk 12 September | 14:14
Jalapeno: Fire Breath

Once the sole purview of the Flame Dragons of the Southern Waste, the dark elves of that arid place, skilled in the arts of alchemy, learned from whence their flames originated and synthesized the precise compounds which allowed them to breathe fires as well. Unfortunately, Flame Dragons are not sensitive to these compounds, whereas other races are, and many are incapacitated by the pain for a while.

+10 to STR, -1 to DEX, +5 to attack for 1 turn.
posted by kldickson 12 September | 15:22
(Class 2, Fire-Aligned )
posted by kldickson 12 September | 15:22
Chocolate-covered espresso beans: Dwarf Crack

(Class 3, Earth-Aligned)

Lore tells of this potion made from the extracts of cacao and coffee bean, then amplified through the dwarves' alchemical prowess to become a speed brew that terrifies even the most adept of haste-spell casters.

WARNING: Not to be used by mages, as they are weak of stomach and are indignant at the idea of a chemical being better at making people speedy than they are.

Maxes out STR, -5 to everything else for 1 turn .
posted by kldickson 12 September | 16:06
What I love is that these are all plausible in-game items with great pro/cons. Max out speed! sure, but be unable to do anything else. I almost think Crystallized Ginger: Used Aqua Regia should increase Lore ability, or temporarily max out Charisma.

Now to start thinkin' bout symbols.
posted by The Whelk 12 September | 16:20
Now I've got more bottles. So, Skittles, Sage, Apple, and .... Rose?

Skittles: Chromatic Old Fashioned. The Tears Of Delight. Frenzy Drink for the Elves. Turns someone into a vessel for Wild Magic, unpredictable effects, best used as a last chance or to really end a party.

Sage: Mage-Made, common in the monasteries. Boosts INL but ruins DEX, gives knowledge and warmth .

Apple: A slice of the Apple Of Unknowing distilled in liquid delays the apple's deadly. narcotic effect, creating only a sense of well-being and amnesia, so commonly used for recreation. Used often by Evil Queens, Stepmothers, and serpents.

Rose: The Rose Of Nowhere, made from the Dyad who can Never Die, her roses are harvested and placed inside infusions to temper and lengthen their power. Provides a short-lasting but powerful burst of Ranger skills and Druid skills. Can cause allergy to iron. Long-term use has been known to cause Boreal Telepathy and Entism in extreme cases.
posted by The Whelk 12 September | 22:37
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