MetaChat - Grump-reduction techniques?

Just admitting that I'm grumpy, without trying to get rid of the grumpiness, often helps me. Or sometimes exaggerating it to ridiculous levels -- whining in my head "I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMPY!!!!! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP! RRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPP!!! GRUMPY GRUMPY GRUMPY!!!!" starts becoming fun enough that I stop being grumpy.

posted by occhiblu 31 August | 11:34

I give in to my grumpiness. I'll stomp around my house and be all pouty and angry. It usually burns itself out pretty quickly if I just give into it. Or I go take a shower and use my special happiness scrub that always makes me smile.

I'm just tired. I love spending time with my homie since hanging out with her gives me some spontaneity and randomness to my life, but goddamn, I am so very, very tired. (And hungry.)

posted by sperose 31 August | 11:36

I am in an intense feedback loop of hate-grumpy-and-job-panic. Everything sets me off. It's seriously counterproductive to fixing the bad situation.

So I take *alot* of walks and I force myself to give over to things which I know make me smile: for instance, the song "Jeremy Bentham" by Betika, with its catchy "dance, motherfucker, dance!" chorus. The odd picture of hilarious animal antics. I don't try to use them to create a prolonged good mood, but I find that if I can create a genuine smile from them, a little of the feedback hate dissipates.

posted by crush-onastick 31 August | 11:43

Aw, man. I just ran out to my car for a minute and saw a female or juvenile common yellow-throat that had flown into a window. Poor kid. That didn't help.

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 11:53

I'm going to try a half-smile mindfulness exercise.

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 11:59

Baking/cooking helps. I like that it keeps my hands and my mind busy and at the end, there's something good to eat. I like to fix something that can be shared, and plan who I'm going to share it with and then do it! I do this usually with cookies and brownies, and with big batches of soup. My friend with a new baby appreciates not having to cook, and I used to have a neighbor who was a widower and he was always happy to get a treat- maybe you know someone who'd be glad to have something nice home-cooked. Hope your day gets better - Mondays can be hard. Sending hugs (((((((((stew))))))))

posted by Kangaroo 31 August | 12:55

Give in to the Grumpy side! Just be sure to apologize to everyone that you snarl at. And yeah, listening to upbeat music can help, although it can make it worse.

posted by deborah 31 August | 13:07

Another vote for just grumping right the hell out, Stew.

Man, do I need a nap.

posted by chewatadistance 31 August | 13:13

Problem is, I really don't like feeling grumpy. Will accepting it rather than resisting make it go away? Cause I'd be willing to try that. I just always find that when I actively grump around it just worsens. Darnit.

Also: my underwire is digging into my skin in bad ways. That doesn't help in the least.

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 13:26

Problem is, I really don't like feeling grumpy. Will accepting it rather than resisting make it go away? Cause I'd be willing to try that. I just always find that when I actively grump around it just worsens. Darnit.

I think one can get caught in an infinite-grump loop in which one gets grumpy with oneself for being grumpy. So actively trying to stop being grumpy can actually keep you in the grumpy.

(Or, as one of my professors used to say, emotions are neutral and fine. Emotions *about* emotions are where the trouble starts.)

And I think it's less about actively grumping than simply just accepting the fact that you're grumpy. So *not* "I'm grumpy and I'm going to grump grump grump"; more "I'm grumpy and that's ok and I'm just going to get on with my day."

posted by occhiblu 31 August | 13:42

occhi, that's kind of what I was thinking.

I am Grumpy. Today! Today is Grump Day! Happy Grump Day!

(I just made myself laugh, heh.)

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 13:47

I like to channel my grump into something productive. That usually isn't office work -- I prefer doing something sweaty and landscapey like pruning trees with my pole saw.

At least it gets me out of the house and away from the stuff staring me in the face every day, but obviously not an option for getting through a work day at an office.

posted by dhartung 31 August | 13:47

Happy Grump Day to you, Stew! :-)

posted by occhiblu 31 August | 13:49

Thank you, occhi!

I just went back outside to check on the little warbler, and she seems to have gone away somewhere. I hope she was just stunned.

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 14:06

(Or, as one of my professors used to say, emotions are neutral and fine. Emotions *about* emotions are where the trouble starts.)

This is such a brilliant thought that I just sat here, stunned and staring at it, for several seconds.

posted by Elsa 31 August | 14:18

This is such a brilliant thought that I just sat here, stunned and staring at it, for several seconds.

I've been using it with my clients, and it's kind of interesting to see who really connects with it. I think people get it the best around anger -- they don't want to be mad, so they pretty intuitively understand that being mad about being mad is counter-productive. I think it gets trickier when the emotions don't match up, when you're angry about being anxious or mad about being hurt or sad about being mad. Then it's sometimes harder to separate out the underlying primary emotion from the secondary emotion (especially since your psyche is putting the secondary emotion there specifically to keep you from having to experience the primary emotion).

posted by occhiblu 31 August | 14:57

Emotions *about* emotions are where the trouble starts.

Brilliant indeed. I'm going to have it laminated to carry around in my pocket.

Does it work the same in the second-person? That trouble starts also when others get upset about your emotions?

posted by mudpuppie 31 August | 15:16

I was told this a month ago as "what you feel is neither right nor wrong. It's just what you feel. [Deal with it. If you dont like feeling that way, then do something to change it.]" and I agree: it floored me too.

Speaking of meta and loops, related to this emotions jumping into other emotions issue, it just struck me today how often I yoke anxiety that's actually personal/emotional to irritation in abstract arguments [worse still if I'm made the personal issue jump to that conceptual level]. It's one of those things where it's like, "so what's *actually* bothering you?"

posted by Firas 31 August | 16:05

Does it work the same in the second-person? That trouble starts also when others get upset about your emotions?

See, now we're at, like, nine levels of emotional interaction. It's normal to have emotions in response to other people's emotions -- we're social animals, after all -- but I think it's when you start *blaming* someone else for your emotions, or believing that they shouldn't have those emotions, that there are problems.

But you also have to differentiate emotions from behaviors, here; telling someone they shouldn't be mad is annoying, but telling someone not to throw things or yell is probably reasonable.

posted by occhiblu 31 August | 19:39

pms, it turns out

posted by Stewriffic 31 August | 19:43

Hm, I'm not sure that "emotions about emotions" is up there with "ask vs. guess" as a MetaMeme insight, but it's pretty interesting nonetheless.

I mean, I only recently decided that how I felt about my ex on any given day was ... how I felt. I didn't have to pick one and stick with it for eternity.
Then there's the matter of thinking about her at all.

posted by dhartung 01 September | 13:03

"how I felt about my ex on any given day was ... how I felt"

Yeah, dwelling on the underlying reasons for that can turn into absolute navel-gazing in a heartbeat.

posted by Ardiril 01 September | 14:06

31 August 2009