Do you think I should have these cysts removed? Do they look malignant to you?

Which one is upside down, New Hampshire or Vermont?

Am I dicing with danger by bringing up young players through our system and poaching players from other academies in order to field a team just good enough to stay in the top level of competition before selling my rising stars to the highest bidder? It seems that as long as I stay in the top flight I can pay off the bonds on our new stadium this way, but is the risk that we might not qualify for the highest level of competition too great? Everything hinges on success.

Why does my head hurt?

Sprite or 7-Up?

What's the best way to tell my husband that I just spent an enormous amount of our savings?

What was I thinking when I got dressed this morning?

Does this comment make my butt look flat?

Who can I get to come bake me coffee cake?

when and where will I find true love and happiness?

What's your favorite "teen" movie?

Are we there yet?

Do I really need to get dressed today?

It's 3 o'clock already, should I bother trying to get anything done today or just crack a beer.

Ah, I see, there is nothing in the post about actually getting answers.

Yeah, this is just a big humbug to get me to pour my heart out about the Arse, innit?

I see. You can ASK LT anything. He's not gonna answer though. Fair enough.

In order:

Meatbomb - your cysts are fine - just don't wear them with stripes. Cysts are the new black.

Netbros - Vermont is physically upside-down, New Hampshire is politically.

Hugh Janus - you can poach, but when the stadium is empty, and the big lights have been turned off, and you still have lost the championship, your tenure, and the love and respect of an entire town, where will you be then? Where will you be then?

Special-K: Your head hurts because the aluminum hat doesn't fit. I gave you a coupon - did you use it?

PSH: If you're drinking either one of these, you've already lost the game.

Msali: right after sex.

Rmless2: "One part Alien 2, one part Cinderella = Sassy!"

PSH: No that comment doesn't make you look fat. Your ass makes you look fat.

Stewriffic: Why would you wait for coffee cake? Coffee cake isn't a door-to-door thing. Coffee cake is meant to be savored at your local indie cafe, with extra cinnamon and a latte with a little Ace of Spades done up in the froth.

Special-K: You'll find true love and happiness when you realize that you should ideally stop looking for it. All that rushing around is going to tired you out and annoy the Love and Happiness.

PinkSuperhero: Fave "teen" movie: Valley Girl for the soundtrack, Superbad for the writing, and Ginger Snaps.

JanetLand: What mean, "We" Kemosabe?

Rhapsodie: Yes, you really do. I'd go with the skinny tie, the Cavaricci's, and the combat boots. Extra points for wearing anything pink and teasing the fuck out of your bangs.

Octothorpe: might as well go for the beer. It's pouring down rain here and I just watched the Mist for the first time. After that movie, it's advisable to not move for a long time.

Meatbomb: I got your answers right HERE, pal. Right HERE!

Hugh Janus: We're all here for you. Seriously. Until we decide that you are the one who brought the bugs down from God. Then we'll just have to see about tomorrow, we'll just have to see about it then.

Richat: I'll answer, all right. Now run along, little Richat, run along before I answer you again.

You didn't properly answer my second question!

Psh: Damn it! You robbed me of using one of the greatest stolen stand-up lines of all time.

Your comment doesn't make your ass look FLAT. Or, more specifically, I can't tell having never actually seen your butt. Not your ass. Your butt.

If you linked to what you think your butt looks like now, maybe I could see if when you comment, and I'm looking at what you think your butt looks like now, I could possibly help you.

But right now, I'm commenting in this thread asking you for a link to your butt, and that is something that is really kind of not what I was hoping to do in this thread.

I'm sure you can understand. And may God Himself forgive me.

Does this ass make my pants look big?

I stand corrected, AND answered. And, a little amused to be called "little". That rarely happens!

Middleclasstool: You're doing it wrong. Try for a Hollywood waist - it worked wonders for Cary Grant's career.

Richat: Now you stand in the corner, corrected. In a cabin out in the woods.

Attention, Questioners: LT will be offline for the next two hours, in order to complete his Saturday Afternoon double-feature of The Mist and May.

He will be back to answer your queries at roughly 5:30pm EST.

And now back to your regularly-scheduled programming.

Oh, I have a good one: Why do you continue to support a Nazi policy, as Obama has expressly supported this policy, why are you supporting it?

Do these pants make me look like a table?

What's the best way to get a handle on Antonio Gramsci's notion of the "war of position" vs. the "war of movement?" Which books do you recommend?

Also, why does it hurt when I pee?

Question: why is my wifi fluctuating so wildly?

Question: what is that haunted-house-style squeaking?

in order to complete his Saturday Afternoon double-feature of The Mist and May.

Question: Can I come over? Uh, but only for the second feature, please.

Should I have my third Bloody Mary of the afternoon?

What should I do tonight?

Can I hold a dollar?

Okay back, and in order:

Hugh Janus: the only Nazi policy I endorse is not speaking about politics with people who repeatedly say I must be a Nazi for supporting Obama.

Birdie: those pants don't make you look like a table, they make you like a zither. This is why everyone called you Zither Pants at Camp Goldenrod, but I'm the only person who stood up for you. Now you know.

J-P: the only way to truly get at the heart of Gramsci, is to understand how faulty his logic is. The herd still cleaves to either a "war of position" OR a "war of movement", but if you're a deft reader, you'll realize both.

Meaning there is neither. Read books if you want to, but the center cannot hold. Your thinking is already been shelved, and you will be quite immobile when faced with the realities of the world we know inhabit.

It hurts when you pee because your DNA can not handle the improvements everyone else has already adapted to and incorporated. Please report now to Rehabilitation Center Nine and do your part.

Elsa: the Wi-fi isn't fluctuating; you are. The sounds you are hearing will stop soon enough. You have become unstuck. The flow is all.

And yes, you have already been over here today.

Misskaz: The third Bloody Mary is the key. I can say no more.

Ocherdraco: You should put on a nice dress and caper in front of the church, singing murder ballads. Here is one of my favorites:

Old wind comin/
here comes the Lord/
old wind comin/
comes the Lord!

Old wind comin',
comes the Lord/
I'm a dirty sinner/
won't come no more...

Hugh Janus: yes you can, boy, now why don't you hold that dollar on down the Pack n' Pay and grab me a pack of Lil' Smokies!

All they have is Lil' Polskies, is that okay?

What's wrong with this yogurt? Why is it so thick?

Hugh Janus - that will do. Pick up something nice for yourself also.

Mdonley - um, that's not yoghurt. I hate it when we play these games. Can't you just take me to dinner like everyone else?

Hi LT
Thanks for taking my question. That thing that I saw .. was it an omen or am I reading too much into it?

Dear Kangaroo - that thing you saw, is only an omen if you've correctly interpreted everything else that has been sent to you.

The fact that you are still doubting us concerns me.

where are my keys?

why does everything in the world bother me? I am a cranky old man trapped in the body of a middle-aged woman. Do you recommend booze, or pills for this condition?

I think PSH is waiting for an answer to her 7-up or Sprite question.

Me, I just wanna know where I left me brains. I'm probably sitting on them again. That's been known to happen now and again.

Special-k: Your keys are right where you left them, which is the same exact place I reminded you that they were the last time you asked me that question, not that you're listening to me, or ever.

Pinky-P: good question! Here's my advice:

For beginner abusers like yourself, stick with booze. Not only is advanced alcoholism accepted in our society, if you really get tired of waking up in your own stink, you can rehab it with some sexy cache attached.

However, if you start with pills, many of them don't interact well with booze, which you will undoubtedly want after ingesting pills all day. Remember to read your labels, and don't buy from any pharmacies internationally. The quality just isn't there, and it's a drag having to wait for the deliveries if you don't time it exactly right.

So, stick with the cheap stuff and stash a gallon in the closet for rainy days! :)

PSH: If you have to guzzle fake citrus water, 7-Up is marginally better in quality, mainly because it's better for nausea than Sprite. With Sprite, you'll still heave.

Deborah: I left your brains in the refridgerator at the lab. Please don't sit on them again, because it costs a ton and I'm tired of having to line-item every little gag you come up with during 3rd shift.

By the way, I ate your potato salad. I know you were saving it. And I'm sorry.

Where did I put my sock glue? And am I imagining that he's making a pass?

If I'm fasting for sunrise to sunset for a month, how do I not gorge in between?

Jonathanstrange: If you're talking seriously about sock glue on a first date, he's definitely not making a pass. Downshift into sports immediately.

Firas: one word, Firas: hallucinogens.