Well I would be bothered if I were *hot* and bothered watching squirrels. . .but I am guessing you weren't.

Ducks. . now watching ducks have sex is rather disturbing.

Oh, duck sex is the worst. I don't even go near the Arboretum when it's duck mating season.

And your assumption is correct -- I was not turned on by the squirrel sex. It was very, very wrong.

Ever seen Pecker, the John Waters flick? At one point Pecker takes a photo of squirrels boning which gets hung in a a gallery and sold to a discriminating art public.

Wait, didn't A Dirty Shame have squirrels banging, too? I would be more surprised if this wasn't John Waters I was discussing, here.

Squirrels mating is gross.

Squirrels mating and then doing that little thing with the hands to the mouth is adorable, then gross, then adorable again.

Ducks. . now watching ducks have sex is rather disturbing.

Didn't I read somewhere that there's a lot of duck rape? No, I'm not joking. I swear I could recall reading somewhere that male ducks rape female ducks quite frequently.

Yep, Google evidently backs me up there.

Yeah, middleclasstool, but it's worse than that -- it's duck gang rape. (No, I'm not joking either.) When male ducks witness another drake getting it on with a female, they'll fly in from all over to join in. It's bad enough on land, but is even worse on water. They'll hold the female under -- sometimes long enough to drown her.

This is why I stay away from the ducks' neighborhood during mating season. It destroys me.

Huh. Apparently I have a whole host of issues regarding the mating habits of common urban animals. If nothing else, that's what this thread has taught me.

I've seen squirrels mating too. It scarred me for months. Every time I walked by that tree (which was daily, it is right outside our front porch)... *shudders*

PBS had a show years ago that showed all sorts of animals and insects mating. I remember watching it by myself and being very sorry that I had no one to appreciate the one-liners I kept thinking up (a buck well spent and that sort of nonsense).

I once saw a nature show probably ten years ago that featured tiger sex. The only thing I remember about it was the male tiger clamping on, coming with a low UHHHHHHHHH, and then slowly backing his junk into a nearby pond to cool it off. I distinctly recall him lying down in the water with a satisfied MRRRRAHHHH. Had I been the cameraman, I would have been fired for laughing and fucking up the shot. There were literal tears of joy.

Is this the thread where we link that awesome turtle orgasm video?

OK, I thought not.

That turtle had one very awesome orgasm, I do have to agree.

I've seen robins fucking, it's not nearly as traumatizing as ducks fucking. Oh, and a lioness who was not pleased to be woken up by a randy male lion. I don't think he tried that trick again.

You haven't been disturbed until you've seen an elephant masturbating.

I used to watch ostriches fuck all the time, it's beautiful. After stretching out his throat to make a deep thrumming call that can be heard in the next village, the dominant male in the pen kicks the shins and pecks the tail of the submissive male you keep around to pose as a rival for the attentions of the female. Eventually he parades around for her, gradually settling to his haunches and swaying back and forth, splaying and shaking his wings and tailfeathers, while rhythmically slapping his chin against his breastbone.

He keeps doing this until he catches the interest of the female, who will hunker down and raise her tail, signaling him to shuffle over. When he gets close, his wang drops down, a foot-long flap of flesh shaped like a shoe, which he thrusts around until he hits home and the big birds commence to scrambling in place, wiggling their wings, and pecking at each other.

It seems as if it's over before he's even rooted; the female settles herself, the male stalks across the pen to kick some more ass before bedtime, and that's it. Show's over, folks.

Snakes fucking: now there's something to dream about.

I just remembered this snail scene from Microcosmos. Looks like maybe the best sex in the universe?

Squirrels mating is gross.

Funny, squirrels feel the same way about seeing humans getting it on.

I don't.

- A. Squirrel,
Up Late,
Downloading with One Hand, PA