Well first of all, seething about the cool/fast kids is a completely futile deal. Been there, done that, still doing it.. you have to build your own thang/social circle instead.

Secondly, try talking. Tell the chick who visited the old neighbourhood "hey next time you're around we should grab a coffee. BTW How come you didn't let me know this time?"

As for the party that sucks. Call up the person having the party and be like.. hey, you're having a party? Okay I guess this is a tough one. It's easier for certain types of relationships than with others¹. I bet you could breach the subject somehow though.

People like us who didn't spend junior high figuring all this out are just way behind the curve and have a learning process to go through. Figure it out though, don't just seethe.

What I was going to type in the superscripted '1' was that exchanges like this have worked for me in the past:

Me: OMG you lame ho, am I not good enough to be invited to your drunken revelries anymore!!

He: firas i feel worse about this than u will ever know. i swear you will be invited next time. you are the man in charge. ♥

It really depends on the relationship/style of talking the people have though.

1) this is my social circle doing this
2) sent chirpy message to friend sayin almost precisely that
3) I knew I was being messed up when I was a kid and I did indeed try to save myself from it - ran away - called social work myself and everything - and it didn't work.

I am successful in some ways but face an incredible amount of pain every day. I probably spend 30 percent of my energy 'figuring it out' as you say. I don't just seethe, I work and build and connect and contribute every day, but things like this can set me off.

Yeah I think.. with the girl visiting the old hood I think people are allowed to not feel like hanging out with individuals they'd met in the past... c'est la vie. But the party thing where everyone is calling you for this person's number is just rude.

...well, she's allowed, but seeing as the last time I saw her I helped her move, it's also rude.

Oh yeah, I know how bad that feels. I'm sorry.

(((BGoG))))

I'll be like, yo bitch, I'm gonna kill you next time you run up in here, better stay away! Then I'll slam the door in her face and finish my perm. Fantastic. Next!

Hand signals! You're right, it is awful; the trouble is that right of way lies in the yielding, and it can be a hell of an example to lead by, everybody just taking what you have no qualms about giving away. Nobody wants to share anymore, it's all give and take. They're idiots for not wanting to be your best friend.

That sucks :(

Firas' advice is good. And honestly, if you feel like your social circle is just overlooking/not including you, the best strategy is to be gracious. "Oh, that sounds like fun. That's awesome that you guys got together. I love stuff like that, gimme a call next time."

And either they will, or they won't. If they want to pursue a closer friendship with you, they'll gradually do that, by extending invites, or by accepting ones you extend. But if they don't, you can't force it, and seeming bitter or angry or hung up about it only makes it worse and alienates you further.

It's important to find friends who enjoy being with you every bit as much as you enjoy being with them. If you feel things are one-sided, or people are intentionally excluding you, then they might very well be. It's not a nice feeling, but it's not something you can demand or control. So for heaven's sake, try to find people that don't do that! People that reach out to you, like you, appreciate you, want to spend time with you. They might not be at work or in your neighborhood. They might not be who you'd think they should or could be. They might be at a class or a club, or outdoors, or on the internet. But it's certain that they're out there. Time spent worrying about slights or rejections is a waste of this short, precious life. Be nice and pleasant, and they might include you next time. But if they don't, be sure you have your own thing going on.

I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated. I really hope things get happier and easier for you. You've got a lot to give as a friend, and lots of talents and passions. If some people can't appreciate it or don't want it, screw 'em!

It's important to find friends who enjoy being with you every bit as much as you enjoy being with them. If you feel things are one-sided, or people are intentionally excluding you, then they might very well be. It's not a nice feeling, but it's not something you can demand or control.

Quoted for truth.

I am having similar feelings about some of the people on my Facebook list. Don't worry -- it's not about any of the Meta people. If you have an account here, I'm not talking about you.

There are times when I feel as if some people on Facebook have added me not because they think I'm interesting or likeable or worth knowing in my own right. I feel as if they've added me as a member of the audience, not an actual participant in their lives.

BtGoG, maybe you might want to reevaluate some of these Facebook ties. If those relationships are not working for you, if they make you feel angry and humiliated, maybe you should downgrade them. Or end them. In any event, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

maybe you might want to reevaluate some of these Facebook ties. If those relationships are not working for you, if they make you feel angry and humiliated, maybe you should downgrade them. Or end them. In any event, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

I agree with this totally. For several years, I hung on to a number of friendships within a certain social group that really didn't actually make me feel very good. Finally, for reasons I can guess at but don't know for sure, I was dramatically frozen out of the wedding of one of those friends -- and once I got over the initial fury and insult, I actually realized that it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I realized I didn't want to be around people who were two-faced and competitive and petty with their friends... because, plain and simple, it didn't contribute to my happiness or well-being.

Honestly, it was sort of a gift. I was hurt and angry, and I also took it as the opportunity to cultivate more reliable, straightforward, honest friendships. It allowed me to find better people to have in my life, and in turn, to become a better person to the people around me.

And you know what? I ran into one of those former friends at a big event about six months ago, after not having seen her for about three or four years. And after having to make small talk with her for about 10 minutes, I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have been given the chance to move on to a whole different place in my life, socially and emotionally.

Let me say quite emphatically that I don't let on how upset I feel. If there's one thing I've learned it's never to show weakness. I'm glad to have here to vent a bit and share my feelings with folk.

*whuffles*

Any time you're in MD, you're more than welcome to come over and steal some of my food.

BtGoG, maybe you might want to reevaluate some of these Facebook ties. If those relationships are not working for you, if they make you feel angry and humiliated, maybe you should downgrade them. Or end them. In any event, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

I agree with that wise advice, too. One good piece of wisdom someone once gave me is "If you always find you feel a certain way around a certain person - it's because that's how they want you to feel around them." There's truth to that. If you feel consistently belittled, ignored, or humiliated around certain people, chances are it's not an accident. Chance are it's a message they're sending, intentionally or unintentionally, knowingly or unknowingly.

Whatever the reason, it's important to recognize that people around whom you feel bad are a costly drain on your emotional energy. It's okay not to keep trying. It's okay to move on and let it drop. The older I get, the less willing I am to pretend to be friends with people who aren't really friendly to me, or to tolerate friends who, despite some positive qualities, can't help but do or say nasty things. As scody notes, if you cut those people out of your life, you'll not only not miss them, you'll feel better about yourself, because their opinions won't be at all relevant to you any more.

Facebook's a funny thing - it's sort of tough to forget who's on there and inadvertently say something that lets someone feel left out. But on the other hand, people who use FaceBook to relay things like "Sasha's party was awesome! / Can't wait to have dinner with the office gang! / So what time we getting together to go out tonight?" are, I think, being unnecessarily exhibitionistic about their activities. I understand that "the kids" pretty much use Facebook to do almost all their interpersonal communication, since it rolls in updates, chat, and an inbox, but there's no reason that kind of demonstration has to be public. If I found that someone's updates were continually mentioning things that made me feel left out, I'd de-friend them and move on. IT's really better not to see it in your face, even if you like them as a person. If they asked you why you delisted them, you could just explain directly. That would be OK. Again, if an influence is hurtful to you, do what you can to stop exposing yourself to it. It's a key to sanity.

I'm sorry you're in pain over this situation, Grace. I've been there and it really and truly sucks. I now have no friends except the mister and my online friends. Yes, it can be lonely which is painful itself, but it's far more bearable than having "friends".

People are such a rude species sometime...I'm sorry you have to deal with this stuff.

Whatever the reason, it's important to recognize that people around whom you feel bad are a costly drain on your emotional energy. It's okay not to keep trying. It's okay to move on and let it drop.

Also quoted for truth.

Your time and emotional resources are not infinite.

Allocate them wisely. And don't be shy about letting selfishness play a role in this process. It's entirely appropriate to ask yourself "What's in this for me? What am I, BtGoG, getting out of this relationship with this person or group of people? Are they getting much more out of it than I am?"

I try wherever I can to spend time only with people who aren't drains on my emotions and energy. That's easier said than done, however, because I grew up lonely and needy and I'm (still) pathetically grateful for any semblance of friendship.

That said, a couple of years ago, with the help and support of lots of people on here, I stopped all contact with someone I'd been friends with for ten years. She'd moved away, and our two-hour-long phone conversations, I realised, consisted of her yakking non-stop about herself. She never, ever asked how I was, even though this was the time when my fiancé had died and I'd discovered a breast lump. So I stopped calling her and she didn't call me (these two hour calls were all on my bill, I realised later).

I had a birthday card from her this year, and it's her 50th next week so I'll send her a card, but won't think about resuming the friendship (she lives 200 miles away anyway now).

But it did me good to end that relationship. I was always so grateful for any hint of friendship from people that it never occurred to me that I had the right to question the terms upon which I was 'friends' with someone or whether it was not good for me. What a lesson to learn at my age, eh?