Dear Ms Baby,

I am pleased to tell you that yours was by far the best audition any of the panel had seen in the past 25 years, and that not only will we offer you the part, we would also like to [insert something you really want here].

With kindest regards,

yours

A Panel Member.

Now, please may I have reassurance that the work I've done today is OK and that I can go on to the next thing with no further worries?

Sweetheart,

There's a cupcake in the fridge! Just the way you like it. Someone left you a message, sounds like good news,

have a great day,

XOXOXO

P.S.!!! Don't forget the forms -- call me if you have ANY QUESTIONS! Okay?

Dear rainbaby,

We couldn't possibly offer you a part as your audition was the most incredible thing we have ever seen. The other cast members couldn't possibly compare to you, you see. It would be like putting Meryl Streep in your five-year-old's Christmas play.

We bow at your feet, O glorious one. Enclosed please find a check for $150,000; we took up a donation in case you needed money for lip gloss and shoes.

Hey rbaby. (Can I call you rbaby?)

Of course you nailed the audition. You know it, I know it, the director knows it. The guy sweeping up backstage knows it.

The only problem is the other female lead. She is having issues about being onstage with (outshown by?) you, and as her father is putting up a lot of the money to get this thing mounted, well, we have to make the tough call.

But let's do lunch! I'll be in touch.

Caio!

Dearest Rainbaby -

You are a shining, complicated little star. The kind of bright heavenly beacon that, once one notices it's power, one must inevitably ask: "Will it's light power our atmosphere for generations to come, or come crashing down upon us in a hideous conflagration of lives and materielle?"

These are the conundrums a director must face when casting someone of your caliber. We must dare to stare into the Abyss of hope and leave bread crumbs backstage.

You are without question a talent of continental scope. When you stood to begin your monologue, your shadow leapt up and obscured the moon. I could only recline in your shade and absorb your genius through my pores.

While we haven't made our final decision vis a vis casting, please know that your efforts were not wasted upon the panel, like so many eighteen-year olds on the beaches of Normandy.

Expect to hear from us soon, liebchen.

Toodles,

Mr. Director

Dear rainbaby,

Honestly, after your audition, we realized this production is beneath you and you would make the rest of the cast look bad. Accordingly, we have forwarded your information to our associates in [Hollywood/Broadway]. We've also taken the liberty of chartering a plane for you to meet them. We hope you're free next Wednesday.

Sheep and Horses, it worked - I am one of four ensemble members for next season, which means appearing in three shows, and getting in classes and workshops for free. The show I am not in is the first one of the fall, which allows me to do the directing gig I have lined up at another theatre.

I am booked through next June.

I am gobsmacked boggled by this thought.

Plus, you know, the full time job thing, as my renumeration shall be much less than Specklet's generous offer.

Thanks guys!
____________________

autolinguistic,

Your work was perfect, as always. Go ahead and take a long lunch, get a little something for yourself.

- The Powers

You are now Doctor Dolly, baby!

we would also like to [insert something you really want here].

Sexual harassment!

Wooooo! Congratulations! (and thanks).

Congratulations rainbaby!

Dear Rainbaby,

We knew you could do it.
Regards,

HBLC & others

w00t!

Hey rbaby-

Me again.

Well I stomped and yelled and made them see the light.

I am sure, with this great part, that you won't mind sharing your dressing room with the seal.

Didn't think so.

Thanks all! danf, that made me laugh. I share dressing rooms all the time. Nothing more exotic than drag queens, so far.