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29 June 2009

words of wisdom... →[More:]

Good bras are expensive. Don't stick 'em in the dryer.

Learned that one the hard way. What else have y'all got?
post by: lonefrontranger at: 09:20 | 28 comments
Don't leave the back door open while your kids are playing with the hose and the spray nozzle.
posted by lysdexic 29 June | 09:28
Don't think you can take the offspring from the hose and the spray nozzle back to Home Depot for a refund just because you left the back door open.

Worse than rabbits - don't ask me how I know this.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 29 June | 09:30
When traveling a very long distance, put your spare car key on a chain around your neck.
posted by Ardiril 29 June | 09:34
LT: If the back door is open, and the offspring are on the spray nozzle, mama used to call that an enema.
posted by Ardiril 29 June | 09:42
1. When unloading the car, make sure wife's hand is not inside the door frame before shutting the car door.

2. Don't rest your hand inside the door frame like the door is never going to be shut.

Choose one.
posted by danf 29 June | 09:51
Bring a plastic poncho or umbrella when you go to an outdoor concert in Western Pennsylvania.
posted by octothorpe 29 June | 10:03
Never let your dope spill all over the place when rolling a doobie - there will come a time when the bag is empty. Roll every doob like a miser, as if the stash is almost done.
posted by Meatbomb 29 June | 10:30
There is at least one priest in the world who readily admits: "I'm not a people person."
posted by Melismata 29 June | 10:57
Don't make black current jam in the buff.
posted by Specklet 29 June | 11:00
Don't break the membranes!
posted by Hugh Janus 29 June | 11:03
Don't trim your rabbit's nails in short sleeves.
posted by rmless2 29 June | 11:14
Specklet's entry is obviously a marital euphemism.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 29 June | 11:19
Don't put your dick in crazy.
posted by sperose 29 June | 11:50
Never date a man who carries a little change purse. He'll be a penny-pinching miser.
posted by essexjan 29 June | 11:50
It's currant. Black currant jam. Euphemism or no.
posted by Specklet 29 June | 12:31
Don't grab the muffler, it's fucking hot.

Don't grab a power tool someone else is using.

Don't try and catch a falling saw/knife/chisel.

For the love of Christ, don't take a job in Bellevue, WA. Or in marketing.

You remember that steel that used to be red hot? Like, a few minutes ago? Yeah, still hot even though it's turned black.

Ranganathan. PMEST. Don't go there. As my thesaurus construction professor said, "Down that road lies madness."

When working with anything electrical, put one hand in your pocket. You'll still get shocked but it won't arc across your heart and kill you.

Anyone who advocates anything other than positive reinforcement dog training is either stupid or working with stupid (or abused) dogs. Or labs.

Discuss abortion prior to sex.

Don't eat anything cooked you wouldn't eat raw.
posted by stet 29 June | 13:11
Tide TotalCare really does brighten your clothes.

Life is too serious to be taken seriously.

If people say they are a certain way ("I am a VERY generous person.") they're often the opposite.

Judge books by their covers.

You can wash most "dry clean only" clothes in Woolite.
posted by halonine 29 June | 13:20
Compassion is looking at a person or his/her behavior and remembering that you've done the same, or worse.

Care for a child's fear or injury first. Correct the work on modifying the bad behavior second.

Delight in all living things because Life is more complex and more just plain frigging amazing than we can ever hope to imagine.
posted by MonkeyButter 29 June | 13:38
At this point in my life, I'm not certain of much. There might be something in that? Probably not.
posted by richat 29 June | 13:59
Do not EVER run out of baby wipes.

Let the other guy merge into your lane.

Eat more candy.
posted by Kangaroo 29 June | 17:11
Try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
posted by box 29 June | 18:58
No rain, no rainbows.
posted by deborah 29 June | 20:34
A committee is a group who individually can do nothing, but as a group, decides that nothing can be done.
posted by netbros 29 June | 22:31
Don't grab the muffler, it's fucking hot.

That's the second time I've seen that mentioned, stet.... how's your hand healing?
posted by Doohickie 29 June | 22:32
Almost healed, Doohickie, I've moved on to new injuries. I work/play with a lot of dangerous things and am uncoordinated and accident prone so I try and be very deliberate about not hurting myself or others.

The hell of it is, I once watched a guy straighten the tailpipe of an F-250 with his bare hands. While the truck was running. And had been running for an hour or two. Tough motherfucker.
posted by stet 29 June | 23:29
The moment a shot of Jaegermeister sounds like a good idea is the moment you should leave the bar.

No one has ever changed anyone's mind about anything -- in public.

Whistling while you work is a great way to annoy your coworkers.

You can only be so humble before you become a passive-aggressive asshole.
posted by BitterOldPunk 30 June | 00:35
Never get out of the boat.

Life is too short for bad food, bad booze, or bad sex.
posted by elizard 30 June | 00:45
...and along the lines of stet's muffler advice, that meat thermometer that's registering an internal temperature of 150F? The one that just came out of a 350F oven? It's fucking hot. Put an oven mitt on before grabbing it.
posted by elizard 30 June | 00:50
← Bubba The Dog had seizures last night, and I threw up. || Parents, how do I get over my fear of my kid choking? →

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