I also have a phobia of choking, and I have actually wondered many times how I'm going to deal with that with any future kid that I have.

Not that that's any help to you. But you have my sympathy.

Have you taken a first aid course and practised responding in the event the critter does choke?

The nephew eats all sorts of things at 16 months that I would have thought were choking risks. Apparently not.

Educate yourself in first aid for choking in children and adults. Chew your food, and teach your baby to chew her food. Realize that choking can be prevented; even if you or someone around you is choking, with a quick and appropriate reaction, it can be stopped. It's a hazard of life, but like anything, keeping on the smart side of hazards is the best way to make sure they don't hurt you.

Don't hesitate to help anyone in an emergency. Know what you can do beforehand. When a crisis hits, take a deep breath before you move, collect your thoughts, and then act quickly and you'll find that you've deployed all the knowledge you stored up for just this type of situation.

All the voices that tell you to panic, or that you can't handle it, are just idle thoughts that occur when nothing dangerous is happening. Educating yourself ends them. You take care, you pay attention, and if the unexpected happens, you'll see; all the phobia falls away while your training and knowledge take over.

I'm not really a parent but I've cut enough grapes for my nephews (most anything that looks like it could be choked on can be sliced in half lengthwise to render it safe) and I've fished enough Lego pieces out of their mouths that I know where you're coming from; vigilance is the key, and there's a relatively short window in which kids automatically jam whatever they get their hands on, into their mouths.

As far as phobias go, that's tougher territory. I gather no amount of reassurance really helps. Maybe you could take comfort in the fact that your phobia is about something that could actually be dangerous, instead of something truly unlikely or generally harmless, like summertime boiler explosions or the color green.

My kids never got into Cherrios either. They liked sliced banana and other soft fruits and vegetables. I think I gave them melba toast now and then. There are all kinds of snacks on the market for baby. I didn't try much of them because I have never been good at stocking snacks (carb-y finger foods).

I had my fair share of fears but I didn't have a fear of choking. I did use the mesh teether things that you add slightly frozen fruit into. Those are neat and the babies love to chomp on them. You wouldn't have to worry about big pieces of food getting into their mouths.

Have your read the book, Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense? I loved this book. It gave me a lot of useful information and confidence when it came to feeding my kids. She talks a lot about texture and size, which may be helpful for you.

Thanks for the replies and sympathy :) I have taken an infant cpr class and know first aid for choking. It still terrifies me. Thanks for the book recommendation Lori, I just put a hold on it at the library (there are 7 holds for 2 books in the whole NYPL system. Must be good!)

I think you'll like it, gaspode. If I still had my copy, I'd send it to you.

I think it's a very reasonable fear. It's easier said than done but I think the best thing you can do is be as relaxed as possible from now on when she's eating (it's OK if she gags a little -- it's normal and a good thing.)

I tended to have more neurotic fears when my children were infants: What if I die -- Who will care for them like I do? What if I lock them in the car? etc.

A friend's one-year-old started choking on our front porch last night. It felt like about 10-15 seconds when she wasn't breathing but was probably closer to two or three. It was long enough for my wife to get her phone out and dial 9-1-... The dad was pretty panicked but the mom just calmly flipped her over and smacked the kid's back until the chunk of snap pea (that we'd just picked for them. From our GARDEN OF BABY KILLING!) came flying out and laughed, "Yep, that did it."

In the meantime, I was wracking my brain for the CPR and first aid training I'd had... 14 years ago. I have resolved to update my training.

But, to actually say something relevant, the neat thing about CPR training and similar is that it's very rote memory-based and procedurally focused. Normally, this is not my preferred way of doing things but the effect of this is that, in a CPR-requiring situation, one develops the tendency to fall back on one's training by reflex instead of panicking into indecision or misdecision (neologism alert!). This won't help with the phobia, of course, but it will likely help in an actual choking situation.

On preview: I see you've taken a class. Good job! Everyone should and I'm lame for letting my certs expire. The training won't help with the phobia in non-crisis situations, but it will help you respond well if the need comes up. Yay, CPR!

My kid inhaled (not really) Oatios (the hippie equivalent of Cheerios). I had no idea that they were problematic, choking-wise.

The only thing we ever did was to not give her 'rounds' of hot dogs, and to have food that was smaller in diameter than what we figured her esophagus and windpipe were.

The only choking experience we had was her crawling in our back yard, and picking up a piece of cedar bark out of the grass, and putting it in her mouth and starting to choke. I was right there and swept it out of her mouth. It was not until after this episode that I got freaked.

It's scary to be a parent. . .

Oh honey *hugs*. EM would put entire chairs in his mouth if he could - but our slight choking incident had to do with thinly sliced cabbage.

As how to overcome fears - I think it's just gonna take time until she becomes bigger and more solid. Then you get some new fears to replace the old ones.

the mom just calmly flipped her over and smacked the kid's back

Even at 16, my son is still not fully grown enough to put over my knee if he were choking. Although if three whacks didn't do it, I would go into full Heimlich.

Choking wasn't my biggest fear. His climbing was. He watched the cats and learned by example before he could walk.